Here's the video accompaniment to Karsten's birth story. You can head over to that link to read the details if you haven't already.
Short version: We planned a homebirth for our third baby, with a midwife in attendance. After two-plus weeks of prodromal labor, more active contractions kicked in for 21 hours, which meant our midwife went home to sleep. I woke up to my waters breaking, and half an hour later, out our baby whooshed into the birth pool, before the midwife could make it back! It was a lovely, hard, beautiful, excruciating birth, and I was aided by my Hypnobabies childbirth hypnosis practice of deep relaxation and calm.
I've made two versions of the video, one for my fellow childbirth fans and one for, say, my dad. In other words, one is semi-graphic, and one is censored to be family-friendly. There's breastfeeding in both, of course, but I managed to keep my top on this time during the birthing so I could make these videos without as many qualms. (This was a hard ask for me! I tend to unthinkingly strip during labor!)
If you're preparing a child for an upcoming sibling birth, you can choose which video might be more useful. In both, the birth is peaceful, and I edited out the swear words (!), but there is grunting and obvious … um … labor. The family-friendly one has much less vocalizing and no scary bits, so I thought it might be a good resource for sharing with kids.
Full, semi-graphic version:
(I'm wearing a top, and I've censored my bits up till the baby's
literally coming out, because that's what I felt comfortable with.)
I've been putting off writing Karsten's birth story, or even thinking it over and retelling it to myself. I can't say why. Maybe it's that it's my third birth. Maybe it's that I've been able to keep it more special and private if it's not recited or shared. Maybe I'm just not sure what to make of it. Maybe a little of all of those.
Labor lasted a long time. What does "long" mean? Weeks, folks. It lasted freaking weeks.
All right, technically that's called "prodromal labor," or "practice labor." Or "stalled labor" or "false labor" (grr … my uterus didn't think so). At any rate, that went for a good long while. I thought Karsten was going to be born around 38 weeks, but he hung in there till nearly 41.
So, every day, I had contractions, many times at regular intervals, and lasting for several hours at a time. And then they'd peter out, and I'd scratch my head and go "huh." Karsten kept bobbing up and down in my belly, at one moment so low I could barely waddle, making me sure he'd just, plop, fall out onto the floor, and then the next bouncing back discouragingly high up. I walked miles each day. I lunged and climbed stairs like a crab and did pelvic tilts and slept in the Sims' position, all to open my pelvis and engage that stubborn baby. I drank red raspberry leaf and nettle tea to tone the uterus and ate dates to soften the cervix. I always tried to get plenty of rest in case this was "the day." I kept myself well fed in case I needed the energy for birthing. I did all the techniques I could Google about how to kickstart a labor, turn a baby into optimal position, free my mind and spirit for birth, etc., etc. I tempted fate frequently: traveling far from home, doing activities that were interrupted when previous children were born, making firm plans in expectation of having them broken.
Karsten could not be moved. He was taking his sweet, sweet time, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I'd been hoping this labor would be more like Alrik's than like Mikko's. To recap, with Mikko I had 42 intense hours of back labor, culminating in a transfer to the hospital and finally a no-meds vaginal delivery. It was empowering that he came out through my strength alone — all 11 pounds, 13 ounces of him — but after the fact, we could guess that he had been posterior, we could see that he came out with an arm wrapped around his head (aka nuchal arm leading to an asynclitic head positioning, both of which are suboptimal), and, well, he was obviously huge.
Having had a baby recently, I had the chance to experience what was and was not helpful in supporting new parents.
[Ed. note: I first wrote a version of this post in 2007 when our firstborn was only a few months old. That's squishy little Mikko in the photo there.]
It inspired me to treat my own friends and family well when it's their turn to be overwhelmed by a newborn. So, I thought I should write these ideas down before memories of the sleep-deprived-fog days have disappeared into the ether.
These tips will help first-time parents for sure, as well as parents of a newborn who also have older children.
Please do leave your own suggestions in the comments.
Having a baby is all about learning to get by with no hands. Be a pal and bring over foods that can be eaten (a) cold and (b) with one sporadically free hand. Ideas: cut-up veggies and dip, cut-up fruit such as melon or apples, pico de gallo and chips (for all of the above: mixed and single veggie & fruit containers and platters can be found pre-made at the supermarket in the produce section), cheese slices (gourmet or otherwise) and crackers, ready-made sandwiches and wraps, hummus and pita slices. Remember, think "Would this taste good at room temperature?" (which is what it will be by the time they finally get around to settling the baby long enough to eat it) and "Can they eat this without silverware?" (because juggling a newborn is hard enough without throwing cutlery into the mix).
Ever wonder what goes on on Twitter when you're not looking? So. Much. Fun.
I'm over there all the time as @Hobo_Mama (parenting & other nonsense) and @PirateFamilyFun (for our YouTube adventures) and (new) @LaurenWaynecom (for writing shtuff). I might need to join a support group….
This is one in a series of guest posts by other bloggers. Read to the end for a longer biographical note on today's guest blogger, Jessica from This is Worthwhile. She builds a strong case for the age-old but currently neglected practice of allowing mothers an established period of rest and recuperation after giving birth.
I first published this guest post in 2009, and Jessica was gracious enough to allow me to hog it again since I love it so much. I hope the idea of lying-in can reach even more parents, because I found it essential to healing after my births.
A typical lunch in our house in the first few days.
In September of 2006 I was minding my own business checking out at Whole Foods. I looked up and saw Mothering Magazine. At the time I had two best friends 1200 miles away both expecting babies in 2007, so I grabbed two copies and went home, never having heard of the magazine before, and not even a whisper of my own pregnancy in my ears for months to come.
I started flipping through the pages and was overwhelmed by the sense of community I found there. Up until that moment, my idea of pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing was a foggy ideal based on my mother's methods (no spanking, lots of nursing, lots of educating yourself), not so unlike what I found in those pages. But what really struck me was an article about lying-in, a concept that really struck a chord with my cultural anthropological background and with my feminist beliefs, written by Katherine Gyles, called "At Rest in the Arms of the Mother."
What Is Lying-In?
Lying-in is loosely defined as a period of rest postpartum by the mother and babe anywhere between 1 week and 3 weeks and even more if feasible by the family. The mother is to be waited on and to remain on her back as much as possible to accomplish a number of physical and emotional goals. Physically, it allows her organs to reposition themselves and generally affords her more rest. Emotionally, it allows her to focus all her attention on the new infant at her breast, to bond, and to set the tone for the rest of the family to follow suit.
It is a time of quiet, reflection, and calibration. There is to be no fussing by the new mother over dishes, chores, or bills. She is to rest. Period.
Why Rest and Lying Down Is Critical
The uterus needs to shrink back to regular size and get back in position, there is lots of bleeding (I bled for 6 weeks), the perineum will need extra special attention as it recovers from the brutal stretching and pressure it endured (and any possible tearing), and women's legs and feet may become swollen in the couple of days after birth. Being off your feet will release any pressure felt in your bottom, give your guts time to reposition, and allow blood to flow freely. These physical changes are critical to our health and shouldn't be brushed aside for daily chores or lunches with well-wishers.
The other night, I had a a dream that I was pregnant again. Since I don't quite remember and didn't understand, I'll spare you the weird, dream-like details of how this happened (something involving an evil queen, I think?), but whatever the cause, there I was, expecting another baby when my current one is just five months old. We would be having four children instead of the three we'd planned on.
In my dream, Sam and I had a reaction of: "Oh. Well, ok, then." I wasn't unhappy. I would embrace this child as I had the others, but…. But I'd have a newborn when this baby was only fourteen months old. I was just about to get rid of my maternity clothes (well, the ones I'm not still wearing, ahem). We had accepted that Karsten would be our last, and now here we were being thrown back into the thick of it again. I tried to wrap my dream mind around the concept that we would be a family of six instead of five — it wasn't what I'd anticipated, and it was a hard thought to surround, like something stuck in my throat.
When I woke up, I was relieved. Not at the fact that we weren't having a fourth baby, but at the fact that I was apparently more at peace with it than I'd thought.
If my subconscious was telling me a fourth would be a less-than situation, then stopping now must in fact be the right decision for us.
I wrote this post in its entirety in November 2012 but hesitated to publish it, I suppose because the subject matter is so grim. But I think it's a worthwhile topic to consider, so here it is now, one further baby in for me!
I'd like to share some more of my notes and thoughts from reading Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species, by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, a weighty tome I picked up in the immediate postpartum period after Alrik's birth and dutifully and interestedly crawled my way through — all 541 densely printed pages. I found it fascinating, and disturbing — informative and resonant (Hrdy is an anthropologist, so she knows humans) and yet frequently distressing (humans don't always play nice, even — especially — with babies).
Today's article is about the crowded foundling homes of Europe, which were most used in the 1400s to 1800s. I give you fair warning now to bow out if talking about abandoned children and high infant mortality rates is triggering or overly distressing for you. (I wouldn't blame you one bit. I sometimes wonder why I read Mother Nature when I had a newborn, but I actually think the discussion of maternal ambivalence dovetails perfectly with the sleep-deprivation period.)
Welcome to the February 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Do It Yourself
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants are teaching us how to make something useful or try something new.
After you've given birth vaginally, things can be rather … tender … down there. Possibilities include swelling, tears, stitches, hemorrhoids, and other fun things. What I wanted most after my births was (a) not to look and (b) to make the area feel better.
Enter frozen postpartum pads!
Also known adorably as padsicles and peri-pops (because they soothe your sore perineum), they're easy to make and can be prepared ahead of time by you or by a birth attendant if you've put it off till the last minute. They take just a few ingredients and whatever pads you can source.
I'll also give you a few other ideas for natural pain relief at the end.
After two weeks and a day of prodromal contractions, I awoke to what (finally!) seemed like real labor the early morning of October 19. The midwives came and went throughout the twenty-one hours of labor but left in the evening to get some sleep. In the middle of the night, my water broke as I was trying to grab some rest myself in between contractions. I hopped into the birth pool, and out Karsten came shortly thereafter, caught by his father.
Yes, we once again managed to call the midwife too late! Unplanned unassisted birth is now sort of our thing. I have to say, I kind of dig having the birth be unassisted and then having the midwife come in and sort out the postpartum situation.
As I was saying to Sam, the first time we called the midwives too early. The second time, we called them too late. This time, we split the difference and did both!
This baby is much more like his oldest brother than the peaceful middle child. For one thing, he's a big boy! He's not as big as Mikko, but he looks so similar with his chubby cheeks, full body, squinty eyes, wide nose, and head full of dark hair promising to faux-hawk — just like Mikko-lite. For another, he scorns sleep and prefers to cry most of the time he's awake, perplexing Alrik who cannot for the life of him figure out what's wrong. My milk has come in and he's nursing like a champ, which is helping space out the wake-and-screams since his belly's full now.
Both siblings are fascinated by this little brother. Mikko is over the moon and keeps coming by to poke and yell at Karsten (in joy — it's just his brotherly way). Alrik is a little more circumspect since he doesn't know what to make of his baby sibling's emotiveness, but he thinks Karsten is adorable. The boys slept through the birth, with their aunt on hand to help out. It's probably for the best, because I know I dropped an f-bomb in the birth video!
This labor was really, really challenging (posterior baby, back labor, intensity to the nth power), though I'm glad it remained peaceful, at home, and at our baby's own pace. Hypnobabies kept me mostly calm and helped me limit my swearing to only once or twice…. Pushing him out, though, I kept having the thought, I'm glad this is our last one! Heh heh. It's ok — he's definitely worth it.
Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, blessings, and good wishes! We felt them all.
When I'm not so sleep deprived and have use of two hands, I'll have to write the full birth story, but for now, here are a few more pictures of this sweetness.
My friends threw me a mother blessing recently, and it was an amazing experience. Thank you to all of you who attended, in person or virtually! It meant so much to me.
I am blessed.
I'm terrible at responding in real time when I'm feeling grateful and moved. Even when I think I'm gushing about a gift, for instance, people will wonder aloud if I really liked it. So I thought I'd write this little post about some of the things that touched me and pass the blessings I received on to you, if you're expecting a baby or will in the future or just need a lift in spirit.
The time is almost here! The wonderful moment when a baby comes earthside, a woman becomes a mother to a new person, and a family is made new by their addition.
It is our honor to host an event honoring such an occasion, and we would love to include all of Lauren's readers to join us in celebration of this transition with a virtual Mother Blessing to be remembered!
If you are interested in participating, please contact shannon {@} hillinger.org by September 5 for more information.
Let the politicos argue about Obamacare — I'm just happy to report that Health Care Reform has solved those problems!
Back in 2010, here were our choices:
Upgrade our health insurance before conception to a plan that includes maternity coverage, which ended up being one of the two most expensive plans offered by our insurer.
Pay out of pocket for all our prenatal, birth, and postpartum expenses.
I thought this was all horrifically sexist for so few insurance plans to cover maternity — sure, not all of us get pregnant and have babies, but all of us have been babies. It wasn't just penalizing women of childbearing age — it was penalizing the most vulnerable members of our society, the soon-to-be and recently born. I'm so glad someone told the insurance companies they needed to stop being weasels.
With Alrik's pregnancy, we ended up going with upgrading just my insurance to the most expensive plan — so expensive, in fact, that I ended up paying more per month to insure just myself with maternity coverage than we paid to insure the other three family members (once Alrik was born) combined on a non-maternity plan.
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
Here's hoping you all had a celebratory Thanksgiving weekend! We just stayed home and the boys puked. And I cleaned up puke. And they puked some more. It was … different.
But now it's time for the holiday season, and I am stoked! Christmas music, ahoy!
Once upon a time, I used a Sunday Surf to talk about manifesting a hedgehog. Since Mikko's now enthusiastically on board, we are one step closer. Don't you just adore his drawing of a hedgehog? Totally unprompted. We made a shopping list and went to the pet store to get some supplies.
Q4. What if something bad happens? I’ve heard about horrible things that can happen during a birth.A. We’d be really screwed. Once we get out into the woods by the fire and the drummers burning incense, we enter a force field and can’t leave it to go to a hospital. Ambulances can’t get in, either.
Q5. Is the midwife trained? A. If you’re lucky…but if not, usually one of the drummers (by the fire, in the woods) will drop his drum and put out his incense and come over to help in an emergency.
Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe - 4 KIDS (by jimgaffigan)
"Four kids. If you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth, just imagine you’re drowning … and then someone hands you a baby."
"We had all our babies at home … just to make you feel uncomfortable."
"People always assume there was some laziness involved. ‘You didn’t want to go to the hospital?’ ‘It was far. I didn’t feel like putting on pants.’"
"People are like, ‘You didn’t want to go to that germ-infested building where sick people congregate? … Didn’t your wife want to give birth in a gown someone died in yesterday?’"
"There was also a midwife there, because we believe in witchcraft."
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
We sort of accidentally got this sticker machine (my affiliate link: Sticker Maker),
and it's one of the best accidental things we've acquired.
If you told a kid, "Hey, practice writing for two hours straight," there'd be some groaning.
But if you're making stickers — you don't even notice the learning!
Mikko especially liked making spiders, his newest fear-based obsession.
(He's created a No Spiders Allowed Club that we're all members of.
He charges us for the privilege, and the member badges.)
This spider sticker went on my shirt, to startle me throughout the day presumably.
You glanced toward the mother and the kid, then at me, rolled your eyes and said in a loud voice: “Man, some people need to learn how to control their f**king kids.” The lady could definitely hear you, but I guess that was your intention. […]
Yeah, I didn’t respond the way you anticipated. Instead, I offered my own helpful suggestion: “Man, some people need to learn how to shut their mouths, watch their language, and mind their own business.”
A breakdown of the new AAP recommendations for safe home births, and what CPMs (certified professional midwives, vs. certified nurse midwives, who typically already work in or in cooperation with hospital settings) could do to adhere to these guidelines. I like the idea of setting standards for midwifery care and home birth so that women have choice in birth but can be confident of keeping themselves and their babies safe if they choose home birth and midwifery care.
Carnival news:
Calling for submissions for the October 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting! Theme: Kids and Technology: What is your stance on screen time? Does your family watch TV? What about computers, tablets, smart phones, and other gadgets? Tell us about your family'’s practices and goals regarding shows, apps, and other modern-day options.
Deadline: Tuesday, October 1. Fill out the webform and email your submission to us by 11:59 p.m. Pacific time: CarNatPar {at} NaturalParentsNetwork.com
Be sure to sign up for the Carnival Calendar, add your own carnivals, and keep track of what's coming up!
A long time ago, I wrote a quite depressing post on how postpartum sex after Mikko's birth kinda sucked, for a long time. I used words like "chafing" and "neutral" and "no physical sensations of pleasure." It was about nine months after Mikko's birth before I started enjoying myself again.
I thought I really should do a baby #2 update for you, since things were completely, entirely different this time around. Go figure, right?
Warnings once more: TMI up the wazoo & likely NSFW. Let's be blunt, shall we?
I'll go through the topics I covered last time to contrast and compare.
Physical recovery
Once again, I had a vaginal birth without medications or interventions. Well, definitely this time, since Sam and I were the only ones there! I probably pushed too fast in my excitement and surprise that a baby's head was coming out of me before the midwife had arrived, so I did have a little tearing that needed stitches. However, not many, and the pain down there was just sort of twingey. My bidet (!!!) helped a lot with those early days of soothing, and I had postpartum compresses pre-frozen for myself that I lurved. (I should really post my recipes for those sometime!) However, I was quite lochia-y and otherwise feeling worn out from the birth for a couple weeks. My uterus was very stretched out, making it a bit hard to breathe from the pressure on my diaphragm. (I had to lift it up and push it in when I walked for the first week or so.)
Anyhoo, I was much more hesitant this second time around to even attempt anything in the pantsal region (that's a term; look it up) until at least the prescribed six-week waiting period was up. I'm not even sure when exactly we did first re-attempt the horizontal mambo.
I do, however, remember tensing up, bracing myself, waiting, waiting … and … it felt GOOD!
After that heartbreaking Zimmerman verdict, thank goodness for this message of hope: Kids Watch Interracial Cheerios Ad, Have No Idea Why It’s Controversial. I especially love the kids “Huh-wha?" reaction when it has to be patiently explained to them that it’s the interracial couple that’s “controversial."
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living.
Riding the rails with my husband, Crackerdog Sam, and our hobo kids, Mikko Lint Picker (born June 2007), Alrik Irontrousers (born May 2011), and Karsten (born October 2014). Trying every day to parent intentionally and with grace.
I'd like to share some more of my notes and thoughts from reading Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species,
by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, a weighty tome I picked up in the immediate postpartum period after Alrik's birth and dutifully and interestedly crawled my way through — all 541 densely printed pages. I found it fascinating, and disturbing — informative and resonant (Hrdy is an anthropologist, so she knows humans) and yet frequently distressing (humans don't always play nice, even — especially — with babies).
From my friend Shannon:
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
