Have you ever tried to pare down your belongings when you have no money?

It takes a steady hand and a brave heart, that's for sure.

I came across Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, a little over a year ago, when Karsten was still quite small. I started implementing some of the techniques — picking up objects and determining whether they sparked joy, and even folding my socks the KonMari way — and immediately enjoyed the increased serenity that came with less clutter, less crowding, less need to organize and cram and put away. I am a declutter-o-phile and reforming packrat, and the KonMari options clicked with me.

Some examples:

How I redid the kids' drawers. I love how visible everything is.

My mismatched socks before. I'm NOT KIDDING. These are all SINGLE SOCKS with no mate. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? These all went bye-bye.

My sweet little socks and undies afterward, with socks organized and separated by color family.

But … it was around this same time that we realized how little money we had coming in. Sam and I work for ourselves, which means our "paychecks" are unpredictable, so things can sometimes coast for a bit before we realize there's been an income swing. We've always had a dip like this when we've had a new baby, but this one was perhaps deeper because the pregnancy itself was hard as well and we have — count 'em — three children now to care for and homeschool. I don't worry about telling you this, because I trust I've been honest that being self-employed is only for those who can handle some degree of risk, and we are such people. Our income has always been cyclical, so we tightened our belts while we devoted what energy we could to earning more money, and we have pared way, way, way down on spending.

And this is where the KonMari giddiness took a nosedive.

The other day, Sam, Alrik, and I wanted to head out to the playground — and Mikko didn't. Now, the playground is literally a block from our home. Mikko is 7 years old, nearly 8, and perfectly capable of amusing himself and retrieving drinks or snacks as needed in a short absence of parental supervision.

But we knew we couldn't leave him home alone, and told him as much. "But whhhyyyy?" he asked. Indeed, kiddo, why?

Because the neighbors might call the cops on us, that's why.

Instead, we had to cajole and bribe him into accompanying us. In fact, Alrik, Karsten, and I left first, and Sam followed a good forty minutes later, with new plans and relevant toys to meet up at the beach for a digging party, the activity Mikko finally agreed to.

Let me tell you a bit about my childhood in less (?) enlightened times. I walked to and from kindergarten in Alaska. My mom used to say she'd watch through the window until we disappeared into the fog. When I was 6 and living in Colorado, my mother went back to work, leaving me in my 10-year-old brother's care throughout the summer break. By the time I was 7 or 8, my best friend and I, and her brother and mine, would frequently walk as a group alone to the swimming pool. I remember wearing our towels in elaborate concoctions on our heads and pushing our bare toes into the hot, melting tar stripes on the pavement. When we got there, we swam without adults besides whatever teen lifeguards were on duty. By the time I was 8 or 9, my friend and I were going on walking or bike-riding jaunts by ourselves, visiting my dad at his office or the hospital (he was a social worker in the Army) or running errands for our moms, like picking up stamps or the newspaper. I began babysitting my little brother soon after he was born when I was 9. I had a chart to track my $1-per-hour payments. (I was surprised when I began babysitting for other families at age 11 or so and figured out they would pay me more than that.)

Welcome to the February 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Do It Yourself

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants are teaching us how to make something useful or try something new.

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After you've given birth vaginally, things can be rather … tender … down there. Possibilities include swelling, tears, stitches, hemorrhoids, and other fun things. What I wanted most after my births was (a) not to look and (b) to make the area feel better.

Enter frozen postpartum pads!

Also known adorably as padsicles and peri-pops (because they soothe your sore perineum), they're easy to make and can be prepared ahead of time by you or by a birth attendant if you've put it off till the last minute. They take just a few ingredients and whatever pads you can source.

I'll also give you a few other ideas for natural pain relief at the end.

Supplies:

• Witch hazel (preferably alcohol-free)
• Aloe vera gel
• Lavender essential oil (optional)
• Small bottle or bowl for mixing
• Pads

Welcome to the January 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Household Chores

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and tricks on tackling household chores. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Wouldn't it be nice to be able to tidy up easily, because everything had a dedicated place to stow neatly away?

This is the dream we have for our small space, and it's one we're slowly (slooowly) achieving. As a consequence, this post is still somewhat in the "do as I say, not as I do" category, so fair warning. But we're getting there!

If you don't have a lot of space (like us), or if you have a lot of stuff (like we have had), or if you just plain have more stuff than room for it (like many) — and assuming acquiring substantially more space isn't a viable option at the moment — you'll breathe more easily if you reconfigure your stuff to fit your space.

Save your energy

Having a place for everything means — hard truth here — having less stuff than absolutely fits. In other words, don't cram your space; get rid of things instead.

Back when feng shui was "in," I read a bit about it. I know, I know — ancient Chinese wisdom as a fad! My heartfelt apologies to anyone who's an expert and a believer. But it was quite popular a few years back in Western home decorating, so I was curious what feng shui was all about. I didn't embrace the concept of energy as a mystic force, but I did take away a huge lesson in psychology. To wit: Clutter steals energy.

Have you heard of the oil cleansing method, where you wash your face with … yup … oil? If you have acne or oily skin, you've probably shied away, assuming that adding oil wouldn't help at best and, at worst, would make you erupt into Mount Pimple.

But I have persistent adult acne, and I've been using oil cleansing for my face successfully for the past two years at least. It's a great way to get a deep clean that's safe, gentle, and natural, and it won't irritate or inflame your sensitive skin into breaking out.

There are simply some guidelines for choosing the right kinds of oils and procedures that will help your acne-prone skin without hurting it.

How does oil cleansing work?

It seems counterintuitive — put oil on my skin to get the oil out? But that's exactly right! As you cleanse, the fresh oil enters your pores and mixes with and dissolves the oil that's already there. Then, when you rinse, nearly all the oil — the stuff you put in, and the stuff that was there to begin with (along with any dirt, leftover cosmetics, or other yuckies) — easily washes away. It leaves you with skin that retains its natural moisture but not any excess gunk.

Breastfeeding in very early pregnancy during the photo shoot for my babywearing book

Since I was public about my decision to let my first child nurse through my pregnancy and tandem nurse, I want to be public about my decision this time around: I'm in the second trimester right now, and my nearly three-year-old second child has mostly weaned, with my guidance.

I chose to breastfeed Mikko through Alrik's pregnancy because, ahead of time, I saw no good reason to quit, and plenty of good ones to continue. Mikko, then three, was showing no signs of wanting to stop, and so many of his nutritional and emotional needs were being met through nursing. Plus, I knew tandem breastfeeding would help smooth his transition from an only child to a big brother of a much-younger sibling, and I'd always hoped for child-led weaning.

But then I actually did it. For plenty of those who try, the experience is bearable and even enjoyable. For me, and for many others, nursing during pregnancy and the resulting breast tenderness was very painful – very. My milk dried up by the end of the first trimester, taking away that benefit for Mikko (and leading to some very sad nights for both of us). And as much as I enjoyed the extra snuggliness and sharing of tandem nursing, I was wholly unprepared for an unwelcome side effect: nursing aversion, and how. I couldn't stand nursing Mikko for a long time, and put up with it long enough to move through it and out the other side to a gentle, mama-directed weaning just after he turned five. (Yep, even then, Mikko wasn't ready, but I was at that point.)

So why make a totally opposite decision with Alrik and this pregnancy? For one thing, I can. It was always my choice to continue nursing Mikko (not coercion on his part, too much guilt on mine, or external pressure from the dear fellow hippies I consort with — they were sympathetic and supportive in whatever choice I made). One reason we waited two and a half years to get pregnant with our third, even though I ain't getting any younger, was to give Alrik his chance to continue nursing.

Some of that is hair, and some is seaweed. Adjust your monitors for the brightness of my leg skin.

A few years back, I started seriously considering stopping shaving.

I started shaving in junior high. I was on the swim team and was mortified when we were doing our warmup stretches that I was the only girl sporting armpit hair. I tried cutting them with scissors —ouch! I tried tweezing — double ouch! I finally begged my mom to let me start in with a razor. She said, Fine, but remember: Once you start, you can't stop.

She was referring to the myth that hair grows in darker and thicker once you start shaving.

I thought, Fine by me! I don't want to stop.

For me at age 12 or 13, it was a coming of age as well as a cultural distinction. I lived in Berlin, and at the time very few German women shaved. I wanted to mark myself as an American among my American peers. I was fine with my German friends choosing differently, but I wanted to be sure I wasn't confused for anything but what I identified with.

Fast forward to now, when I'm part of this larger online network as well as various local groups of crunchy, hippie, feminist, counter-cultural parents, and I've found myself wondering if I now need to NOT shave to fit in. How the wheel turns, hey?

Face "done."

Destany of They Are All of Me had a thought-provoking post on Natural Parents Network about why she's going naked.

Naked from makeup, that is.

I posted the link on my Facebook page and got some interesting reactions, from people who've been makeup-free for years to one commenter in particular who said she's "tired of being told every single thing in my life is something else I should feel guilty about. It's exhausting."

That prompted me to go ahead and write this post that's been simmering in my mind for awhile now: a defense of makeup from a crunchy feminist.

Every so often I'll see a blogger who makes a big deal about trying out not wearing makeup for a week or whatever, and I want to give them a slow sarcasti-clap. Because nearly universally these are gorgeous, young, clear-skinned people for whom makeup is just an added flourish, like a piece of ornate crown molding on an architecturally charming house. "Oh, you're 25 with skin as smooth as porcelain, and you skipped mascara for a few days? How brave you are!" (I'm kinda snarky in real life.)

Welcome to the June 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting in Theory vs. in Reality

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants are sharing how their ideas and methods of parenting have changed.

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Here's the danger of blogging: You find yourself doing something that you know you wrote against at some point before…

As Mikko's gotten older — he just turned six — I've found my laissez-faire attitude about his (lack of) manners shifting into appointing myself instead his own private Courtesy Cop. And I had this nagging suspicion — more than a suspicion — that at some point I had written a blog post all about how I don't coach my kids to say "please" and "thank you," that I just model it. Yet here I have been, whispering to him, or saying outright, "Remember to say 'thank you'!" or "That's not a very nice way to ask; what would be a better way?"

I didn't really want to write about this subject for the carnival, because — well, gee, how embarrassing! But let's delve in, shall we?

The past

Dropping the "say 'please'" script
Various excerpts from the post in the past:

We've gotten several compliments lately about how pleasant and agreeable our three-year-old is. He politely thanks people for giving him things. He always wants to help with whatever we're doing (whether it's helpful or not!). He gives affection freely and spontaneously, leaning over with an unexpected hug and "I love you, too, too, fweetie Mama" since I responded to his earlier "I love you"s with "I love you, too, sweetie." (The cute makes your teeth ache, doesn't it?)

…

We try not to (sometimes I slip up!) tell Mikko what to say to be socially acceptable. I never appreciated as a kid having something withheld until I remembered to "use the magic word" or being prompted with a whispered "Tell Grandma you love her!" It felt false to me, like a breach of manners rather than true sociability.

My theory — and it's not just my theory — is that humans are innately social creatures. They want to fit into their social group (their tribe). To specify this with children, children are always looking for ways they can cooperate within the social structure and model the behavior they see in older children and adults. This doesn't mean that every action they make is in line with what we want from them at all times. For one thing, we often don't want our babies acting like adults (trying to operate the lighter or turn on the stove). For another thing, they often miscalculate what is expected of them (not picking up on social cues and signals) or their own abilities to follow through (like being able to pour from a heavy pitcher). What it does mean is that, overall, barring anything that keeps them from taking part in the social group, children will act like little social scientists in finding their proper behavior within the group. They will observe what their elders are doing and try things out for themselves. They will self-correct if something they try goes badly. Of course, all of this takes time and repetition and is limited by their current developmental abilities, so they don't get it correct right away or every time. (And sometimes they simply choose their own unique paths!)

When it comes to manners, I don't teach Mikko how to be polite. I model it. (I hope!) I say "please" and "thank you," "excuse me" and "I'm sorry," to him, and to others in his presence. Despite not being "taught" manners, he has them, and he knows how to use them!

We visited my family last fall, and while it was a good trip overall, there was one incident that really upset me.

We were heading downtown, so we drove to the train station. We had to take two cars because my parents had sold their minivan, but my parents drove both cars. (I don't know why that's significant; it just made me feel that little bit more powerless not to have control over my own transportation.)

Mikko does this thing on walks where he likes to bring random toys and other goodies, swearing up and down that, yes, he will carry them … and within minutes, guess what happens. He's slipping one thing into our pocket, suggesting another might go better into our backpack, or just blissfully and shamelessly asking us to please hold all his stuff so he can run ahead.

Today it was shoes. He emerged from Nana's backseat with one pair of Crocs on his feet, and another pair on his hands. This is actually true.

I was feeling short-tempered. "One pair of shoes," I ordered. "Please put the other shoes back into the car. We have to catch the train."

My mom was watching this and chimed in. "One pair of shoes," she echoed. "Your uncle is waiting for us." We were meeting my little brother downtown, though the timing was flexible.

Play is essential for our children — it is their language. And rough play serves a purpose in releasing energy, reconnecting with caregivers, testing limits both physical and psychological, acting out scary scenarios in a safe way, and seizing some mastery in a world that frequently makes children feel out of control.

But what if you as the parent are not a roughhouser? What if physical and aggressive play turns you off? What if you worry that rough play will make one or more participants scared or that the roughhousing will go too far and turn into crying or injuries (perhaps from experience)?

Then what you need is some gentle rough play — that is, play that is still physical and active but feels manageable to you, with limits you're able to set and maintain.

Welcome to the Festival of Food Carnival. In celebration of the tradition of Easter chocolates, we're sharing recipe ideas for healthier alternatives - sweets and treats featuring real cocoa. Hosted by Diary of a First Child and Hybrid Rasta Mama, you're welcome to join us next time, or if you have a previously published recipe you'd like to share, add it to the linky below.

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You want to feel like a real cooking whiz? It's time to freestyle a recipe, and I'll show you just how with a simple and decadent dessert … that just happens to be relatively healthful as well!

For a naughty but non-guilty treat, I've been seesawing back and forth between two recipes: "Paleo Cookie Dough Bars" from Making the World Cuter and "Paleo-ized Monster Cookie Dough Dip" from Paleo Parents. I liked the ingredients and texture of the bars but the ease of eating it straight out of a bowl (what?). I began experimenting with different ingredients, additions, and subtractions, in a quest to find The One chocolate chip cookie dough recipe that could safely and deliciously be eaten raw. I also needed it to stay (as those recipes are) grain-free, dairy-free, and refined sugar-free. (Well, at one point I did experiment with butter, but it didn't make as much of an impact as I thought it might.)

Here's the thing: I've found my sweet spot. And I wanted to share it with you. Only …

I have no idea what any of the amounts are. I only know how I put it together to make it awesome-yumtastic. And — get ready for this — I dirty only one regular bowl and one regular soup spoon. Which I call a dishwashing win!

I decided that teaching you the free-flying way I assemble this dip is just as good — no, better! it's better! — than just a recipe. With measurements. And preciseness. Forget that! This is so much more: It's easy. And fast. And perfect for lazy people very special people with much more important things to do than something measly like reading the lines on a measuring cup. Pfft. (Those important things may or may not include shoveling cookie dough into their pieholes. And when I say "may not," I mean "definitely does.")

Let's get cooking, you rebels! Who's with me?

Wool dryer balls are some amazing balls of wool. For your dryer. Hence the name.

They take the place of dryer sheets or fabric softeners, and they do a really good job softening up clothes and cloth diapers safely and gently. If you play your cards right (i.e., scent your dryer balls with essential oils), they can even make your laundry smell pretty — and not chemical-y.

I've heard tell they can also cut drying time and reduce static. I haven't officially tested the drying time deal, and synthetics or overdried clothes will still spark a bit — but any static dissipates quickly, which is good enough for me. Some people complain that having balls romp around in your dryer is rather loud, but I seriously never notice any extra ruckus. Plus, these balls can be reused indefinitely, making them a green and frugal choice for any laundry-doer.

The great news? You can make wool dryer balls, tout de suite. And you can make them look and smell lovely, which means they make an awesome, easy, super-fast holiday gift for most any grown-up on your list.

I read a selection of tutorials before making my dryer balls, and my go-to tute is Anktangle's, but then I honed my craft and put my own little decorative spin on the idea, so I'll present my how-to here as well.

Materials

• Wool yarn (100% wool; see caption below) — I recommend a cheaper plain yarn for the cores, and then decorative colors and textures for the outside
• Essential oils (optional)
• Socks
• Washer & dryer (you can felt in a sink, but I don't recommend it)

Look for wool that says 100% wool and tells you to hand wash. If the label says it's a special wool blend ("wool-ease") that can be machine washed, your balls won't felt together. Sounds convenient for other projects, but not dryer balls. Forget that noise.

You can also use wool roving or felting wool. It comes either in clumps or as a yarn; I used the yarn kind. Roving gives a softer look to the finished dryer balls and can be a nice choice for combining colors or mixing roving with regular yarn for textural interest.

Step by step

• Wind a small core, about half the size of your finished balls (which will be approximately tennis-ball sized).
  
  As I mentioned above, I recommend choosing a cheaper wool yarn for the cores. It doesn't matter what color it is, since the second half will cover it completely. I bought a jumbo skein of plain gray Fishermen's Wool and used it for all my cores.

When you get the core ball to the size you want, wrap over the yarn end several times to secure.

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Making your own baby leg warmers is fun and easy! It also can be super cheap yet customized to the tot's or parents' preferences, so baby leggings can make for a sweet homemade holiday gift.

All you need is a pair of women's knee socks (the bolder the pattern, the better, in my opinion!), a bit of thread and sewing know-how (but seriously not much at all!), and about ten minutes.

Why baby leg warmers?

Well, because they're awesome.

Need more specific reasons?

• Cover those bared shins when pants hike up through babywearing or baby carrying.
• Protect your crawler's little knees.
• Streamline elimination communication and diaper changes by wearing just baby leggings and a shirt.
• Punch up your baby's wardrobe with bright colors and fun patterns.
• Use them as seasonal transitions to add a light layer under shorts or short sleeves.
• Speaking of which, they work great as arm warmers, too, even for older kids and adults!

Materials

• Women's knee socks. Men's are fine, too, though women's styles are usually more fun. I've made lovely baby legs from my old worn-out socks, since they tend to wear out in the pieces you'll be cutting off anyway (toes and heels). You can also find thrillingly cheap knee socks in department and discount stores, often themed for whatever holiday or season is upon us (and on clearance just after the fact, if you want to snap up some a year in advance). Thrift stores are another place to peek. I've made Alrik stripey orange-and-black leg warmers for Halloween and have a pair of googly-eyed reindeer socks with his name on it!
• Thread

That's it! Oh, my!

Instructions

Here's the simple step-by-step!

• Cut off the toes and heels. Save the rest of the foot portion for the bottom cuff.

The original top cuffs and length of the knee socks stay put.


If your socks have a strong pattern like stripes, try to cut evenly along them.

These were a pair of my favorite socks. I bought them in Cornwall, and the tag promised me they were "The Most Stripy Socks Ever!!" I was sold, and apparently loved them too much. I'm glad to give them second life!

We've been inspired to create an action-based Advent calendar this year to count down the days to Christmas. I've made a list of (at least) 24 activities that would be fun little activities throughout the season, and Mikko will get to open one each day to find out what today's adventure is.

Choosing simple and fun connection activities each day has many benefits that more traditional calendars don't always possess:

• Counting down "sleeps" to an important day like Christmas helps little ones manage the wait — and even learn numbers!

• Choosing an activity can be a healthier treat for young kids than something sugary, and it doesn't clutter up your home the way 24 days of small toys or gifts would.
  

• You can customize your activity calendar to match your family's preferences and schedules, including parties and events you already have planned.
  

• Kids don't need the activity to be anything fancy: Snuggling with you to read a special book or toasting marshmallows over the fireplace can be just as special as a trip to meet Santa or going ice skating.
  

• You can adapt the activities to fit particular ages and multiple kids.
  

The calendar

First your kids need something to open each day. There are so many options for calendars!

For the discount DIYers among you, you don't need to get super fancy. You could use a wide-mouthed jar filled with 24 scraps of paper; your kids reach in each day, pull out an activity, and hey presto! This does mean the activities will be sorted randomly, however, and I wanted to make sure some events fell on specific days, and that I could rearrange activities to suit my energy level, without Mikko cottoning on. You could even just have a simple stack of notecards that your kids turn over each day, or place each one inside a little envelope sealed with a holiday sticker.

Other options are 24 small gift boxes (perhaps even festively wrapped!), 24 little bags (paper lunch bags, thrift shop bags, plastic baggies, whatever you've got), or 24 other teensy containers. You could set up a display and number them, or do the randomizing thing by setting them all in a box or basket to be pulled out one by one.

You can also buy or make something much fancier and longer-lasting. If you want to decorate, you can buy an unfinished wood Advent tree with 24 doors, a cardboard calendar with drawers, or an MDF Advent calendar with a wide middle section for creating a scene.

If you want something ready-made or further craft inspiration, I was considering these options at Etsy, for instance (I've chosen to link to my pins in case the listings are removed so you can hopefully still see the images; the pins do link to the current listings): magnetic tins (love these!) to stick to the fridge or a baking sheet, mini cardboard boxes labeled with the days and hung as a set, clothespin tree for clipping notecards or envelopes, decorative cotton or simple muslin bags clipped onto clothespins and strung on a jute line across the mantel or shelf, decorated paper bags, or a wall hanging with pockets for each day.

But here's what we did, because we're like that. We went to Target and got this adorableness:


Fair Isle Wooden Advent Calendar

Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Fall is I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T ALWAYS LIKE YOU!

This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on the concept of loving versus liking our children and their behaviors. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.




Ever want to sing a lullaby like this to soothe your kids to sleep?

Naughty Baby

Baby, baby, naughty baby,
Hush, you squalling thing, I say.
Peace this moment, peace, or maybe
Bonaparte will pass this way.

Baby, baby, he's a giant,
Tall and black as Rouen steeple,
And he breakfasts, dines, rely on't,
Every day on naughty people.

Baby, baby, if he hears you
As he gallops past the house,
Limb from limb at once he'll tear you,
Just as pussy tears a mouse.

And he'll beat you, beat you, beat you,
And he'll beat you into pap,
And he'll eat you, eat you, eat you,
Every morsel snap, snap, snap.

— From The Annotated Mother Goose

Night-night, kids!

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Just after Alrik's birth, I read a weighty book called Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species, by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, an anthropologist who goes through the experience of motherhood as witnessed across the world and various cultures, across history and a variety of time periods, and even across species. (Some species are much more what we would term "maternal" than are humans — and some are shockingly not. At least you've never tried to eat your babies, right?)

It was an interesting book to have chosen during my postpartum period, because the text is often dark and disturbing — an unflinching look at how mothers don't always live up to what we've decided (as modern Western humans) is their "nature."

That is, we as mothers are not always — stop me if you disagree — self-sacrificial, nurturing, long-suffering, pure, and single-minded in the care of our young. We are much, much more nuanced than that — and we have to include the dark parts of ourselves (or, simply, the human parts — and animal parts!) when discussing what motherhood truly looks like.

Welcome to the October edition of Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Body Awareness.

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting. This month our participants are sharing how they actively influence their children's body awareness and how they experience their own! Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Your body is beautiful now.

Yes, that body in the mirror — the body under the eyes that scan these lines.

The body you feel weighted in your chair or clicking the mouse or holding your phone.

That body with the marks of babies gestated or born or breastfed, with the signs of the years you've spent on this planet, with the pounds you've collected or dispersed, that body with scars from falling down — and getting back up.

That body is beautiful now.

Not yesterday or a decade ago … when you looked a certain way, when your hair was a certain length, when your boobs were perky, when your waist was a boastable circumference, before time or disability took a toll, before stretchmarks gave you a story to tell.

Not tomorrow or a decade from now … when you'll theoretically change your shape, when you'll lose the pregnancy weight, when you'll get your hair and nails done, when you'll have surgery to correct something wrong only you see.

[Updated 2016 with most current listings and what I have tried and loved.]


I want to buy pettipants or bloomers or pantaloons or something similar: like divided slips or long-legged underwear. I feel like I've entered the nineteenth century admitting such.

You see, I have this problem where I want to throw on a light skirt or summery dress … but then my inner thighs rub together when I walk. I know I'm not the only one with this problem, but it's hard to find a solution!

Some ideas I've heard to halt the chafe:

• Let me just get this unhelpful one out of the way: Lose weight. Even assuming this was possible or sustainable, it's not a viable solution, because no matter what weight I've been as an adult, my thighs are just built to touch! I honestly didn't realize for many years that some women had thighs that didn't touch when they walked; it didn't seem anatomically possible to me. Secondly, I never think it's a useful idea to dress a body you don't have (even in your mind), when there's a perfectly good body you have that you could dress instead! Everyone deserves to have comfortable, appealing, and functional clothing, regardless of size or body shape.
• Wear pantyhose or tights. This is what I usually resort to, but (a) this is unpleasant and should be unnecessary in warm weather, (b) I have trouble finding tights and hose that fit my height plus weight (they often droop in the crotch, which doesn't help the problem at all!), (c) this does not make me want to wear skirts and dresses (quite the contrary).
• Wear pantyhose with the legs cut off. This was my go-to solution for years, but I still had to wear a slip because otherwise my skirts catch and ride up on the hose fabric, which means the idea of "throwing on" a skirt is nil since I now have a required four layers (counting undies). And as I've said, I've lately had trouble finding hose that fit. All the larger sizes seem to think you want to be as stuffed as a sausage in casing. Control top can go and die a fiery death.
• Wear bike shorts. This also requires wearing a slip over but is an option if you can find some that fit. I used to have a comfortable cotton pair and am not sure where they got to — though they probably don't fit anymore, anyway.
• Wear regular shorts. Too bulky.
• Wear boy-cut panties or boxers. I haven't found any women's styles that don't ride up, rendering them useless for chafing purposes.
• Wear men's boxers or boxer briefs if you can find a size that fits snugly on you. (If you were really petite, you could even try boys' sizes.) I might try this at some point by purloining a pair of Sam's. Men's undies tend to be cheaper than anything specialized I could buy, so there's a plus!
• Wear footless leggings. I endorse this for those who can carry it off. However, in the summer leggings are still hot, and my skirts catch and ride up on them. In the winter, I have to wear shoes (not sandals), and that means I have to wear substantial socks, for I have wuss feet. I don't think that really works with leggings. I can pull off the look with boots (and knee-highs) over leggings, but sometimes I want to wear shoes. UPDATED: Tara adds the idea of shortening a pair of footless leggings for summer wear.
• Wear a thigh-length girdle. I can't stand control-top pantyhose. I think a girdle is out. UPDATED: Organic Patchwork says Spanx are bearable.
• Wear a running skirt (which is actually a skort) underneath. Running skirts (which can serve a double purpose, obviously) are super cute and are a short skirt attached over a pair of tight-fitting bike shorts. I even found one in my closet that I forgot I bought because I figured it wouldn't fit, and I tried it on and it does fit — woo! So I wore it running and was so excited that it would become my clear solution to the chafing-under-skirts problem. Only: no. Because the inseam is short enough that the legs ride up, still, and I was tugging at them the whole run. I've determined if I wear shorts of whatever kind that they need to reach longer than the widest part of my thigh, or there's no way they won't just ride up as I walk or run. (Wait, don't Miss America contestants glue their swimsuits in place to prevent wedgies? Maybe that's what I need!) UPDATED: Anna recommends Skirt Sports and the Happy Girl Skirt ($70) in particular. I actually had been looking at this company a couple months ago and debating whether to order one of their skirts — they look wonderful.
• Rub antiperspirant on your inner thighs. Helps a little because of moisture control but doesn't eliminate the problem. Also troublesome to rub chemically laden product near sensitive areas.
• Use powder. Doesn't last. Also troublesome near lady parts, depending what it's made of. UPDATED: Shae recommends corn flour. Sounds nice and natural! Laura recommends Gold Bond Powder. I've heard good things about that brand in particular.
• Use diaper cream. Works to heal the irritation but not prevent it. UPDATED: Kara in the comments suggests trying lanolin or Aquaphor over adding layers in hot climates.
• Vaseline. Tried this. Ineffective and messy! If anything, it made the stickiness worse.
• Use a commercial anti-chafe product, such as hard-core cyclists and runners use. Haven't tried this but can't buy it this month! Not convinced they'll work as well for thighs, since most of the reviews mention feet (blister prevention) and nipples (for male runners; I just use a bra, yo), and since I had a bad experience with the Vaseline. I worry also about questionable ingredients and that it will rub off on and ruin my clothes. UPDATED: Anna recommends Bodyglide and says she loves it.
• Wear Chafe Shield Anti-Chafing Underwear — bwa ha ha ha ha! I seriously can't imagine how uncomfortable and embarrassing I would find these. [Edited: Apparently, everyone agreed, because I can't find them any longer!]
• Then someone online suggested: Try pettipants! And bloomers! So I've been wanting to try some, but I can't decide (a) what fabric to get (slippery nylon? breathable cotton? a mix? and what can I find, anyway?), (b) what length I should choose (my skirts vary in length and include knee-length options, so I'd rather have shorter if possible, but not at the expense of having them ride up and allow continued chafing), and (c) which brand (the reviews of the commercial ones are all over the map, and not everyone is buying them for anti-chafing purposes, which means I have to read the reviews carefully).

The other problem is, I also wear some skorts (scooters?) in the summer months where I'm having the same problem. I guess the inner legs of the shorts are too gappy/flappy or just too short an inseam. I don't know if there's anything I could wear under those that wouldn't show? Or any way I could alter the shorts legs to be more form-fitting?

Since I'm not spending money on the above possibilities, anyone who wants to test drive a solution, go for it and then send me in your report for a follow-up post!

Some options for pettipants I was considering buying: