Welcome to the June 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Talking to Yourself
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written letters to themselves. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
Dear Lauren of 2007,
You have a new baby, and though he is indecently large, you know in your heart that everyone wishes their baby could be so impressive. You know precisely how you're going to parent, and it's going to be the right way. Enjoy feeling sure of everything you believe. Enjoy feeling just the teensiest bit smug, in fact.
Because eight years later, you'll know the truth: You don't get to decide what happens.
I'm not trying to scare you, just give you the honest news. Parenting is not a vending machine where you pay in your money, make your selections, and trust to the technology to drop what you desire at your feet. Or maybe it is like a vending machine, but one of those janky ones that keeps spitting your dollar bill back at you and for some reason won't take your nickel — even though it's a perfectly good nickel!! — and once you get the indifferent keys to respond to your request, it turns, turns, turns the spiral and then … your prize hangs. Just there, in your sight, but behind immutable glass.
Welcome to the December 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Greatest Gifts
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have suggested go-to gifts and gifting experiences for the holiday season for all your loved ones.
I couldn't resist when the topic was gifts this month — my mind turned to my sweet new baby, and I felt the itch to make a list of all the gifts we haven't gotten him.
See, the grandparents have been asking us what they can give Karsten. They asked when he was born in late October, and now they're asking as Christmas looms. And we keep answering them truthfully: We have everything.
This is the third baby, and the third boy. We're set!
But that means I've been around the block a time or two, and I know now what sort of natural-parenting baby registry I would make if we weren't living in Hand-Me-Down City and needed to start from scratch. My btdt experience can be to your profit! Just copy this list of must-haves and would-love-to-haves on over to your own baby registry or holiday wish list, and outfit your natural nursery like a boss.
Note that, since I'm constantlynak-ing a newborn, I'm going to veer toward minimalist (my preference for our small space) rather than comprehensive and crunchy, as is my family's wont. So this list will be the essentials we needed for breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, cloth diapering, and other attachment parenting choices. If you made different parenting choices (and that's valid!), you might need to add and subtract to this list, but it can still be a good starting point as you consider your options.
Cloth diapering: Keep things super simple, and ask gift givers to pre-load gift certificates to a diaper service. Not an option where you live? Keep things still pretty dang simple, and go with prefolds and wool diaper covers, plus some wool wash and lanolin. If you're buying supplies yourself, eBay is a good spot to look for high-quality but reduced-price diapers and covers. You'll want at least six covers in small or newborn size and at least 18-24 of the small prefolds. Then you can move up (probably relatively quickly) to medium and park there for awhile, so don't blow your whole budget on the smallest sizes. The good news is cloth diapers have a good resale value! Throw in some wipes, use a small daypack as a just-right diaper bag (reasonable size and easy to sling on your back to have hands free for baby), and store your dipes at home, both clean and dirty, in a wet-dry hanging bag. I thought we'd need a diaper-changing pad or table, and I was wrong. You can (and will) change diapers any-old-where. If you want to throw in some elimination communication, add a little potty — it'll come in handy eventually either way.
Babywearing: My hands-down (hands-free, ha ha!) favorite carrier is my handmade mei tai (tutorial here if you sew, and tutorial for a no-sew option if you don't!). If you want something available for purchase, other magnificent options are commercial mei tais and soft structured carriers like the Babyhawk, Infantino Wrap and Tie (frugal option), Ergo, and Boba. Any of these will work well for little babies on up through toddlers, so despite the initial price tag, buying one is a thrifty choice. And might I recommend my book, The Natural Parent's Guide to Babywearing? It will help you learn to wear your baby with confidence and ease.
Since Mikko was a baby, we've been dealing with drama surrounding elimination. When he was a toddler, this morphed into an unwillingness to defecate.
This is a post I've been debating whether or not to publish, and one I might take down at some point as Mikko gets older and needs more privacy. For now, I've decided to post it, because: (a) You're not alone if you're dealing with this same issue, and (b) there's nothing shameful about toileting issues, no matter what age. It can be really worth it to talk openly about struggles with going.
There are many reasons a child might have resistance to eliminating — some physical and some psychological. It's appropriate to rule out physical reasons first, and I am not a doctor, so check with your own medical providers for advice on any physical obstacles. We ruled out any sort of issues with physical structure or internal disorders with Mikko, so we were cleared to proceed with examining other causes.
The most common cause suggested for trouble pooping was not what Mikko's problem was. To whit, he does not suffer from constipation. Any time we brought up his hesitance to poop, we got advice on constipation — whether it was with his pediatrician or other well-meaning parents. But Mikko's stools are soft and well-formed and come along with regularity. Constipation was not his problem.1 So what was?
Alrik is tootling along the potty learning road, but I feel like I don't know where the next turn is. Maybe you could help me navigate!
We did a very loose form of part-time elimination communication (EC) with Alrik from newborn age, combined with cloth diapering. I was much less active in ECing Alrik than I was with Mikko, partly because of some residual bad experiences we've had with poop withholding in Mikko. As time has gone on and I've researched it more, I've chalked that up to a sensory issue, but I'd had some fears that we'd somehow "caused" it by ECing so wasn't feeling as avid about infant pottying when Alrik was born, for fear we'd spur a repeat.
So, the good news is, when Alrik is pantsless, he's a near-100% potty user. The bad news is, when he's got anything on his rear, he doesn't bother to remove it before going.
When Mikko was nearing two, we noticed an increase in his frustration levels and a corresponding increase in his dramatic responses to those frustrations. Were they tantrums? Maybe sorta. I didn't feel like labeling them, particularly since I had yet to see the stereotypical movie kind where the kid flings himself on his stomach and kicks his legs about. Mikko used to fling himself on his back. Much different.
(Just after writing this post, Alrik flung himself face down — onto a mattress, smart kid — for a good scream fest. I was so impressed.)
I wrote this when I was pregnant with Alrik two-plus years ago and never hit "publish," I guess afraid my pickiness about clothing would come across wrong. I'm feeling willing to take the chance now that it will just spark some interesting discussions.
This post contains affiliate links.
I've been sorting through boxes of Mikko's baby things, trying to find (a) newborn clothes and diaper covers and (b) homebirth supplies. I've been piling things by size, and Mikko has been trying to help me, which has been not as helpful as he intends. "No! Not in that pile, Mama. Here, I do it right."
I'm astonished at how many of his baby clothes I don't like.
Unsnapped one-pieces made for good
boxing robes for our bruiser.
For one thing, his sex was a surprise, prompting everyone to load us up with pastel yellows and greens. Then, once he was born, it was all light blue, all the time.
Don't get me wrong — those are all lovely colors, in moderation. But I lean toward vibrant clothes for kids, and the pastels just look insipid to me.
And beyond the colors are the cuts. We got a lot of onesies and other one-pieces. I know people think onesies are the awesomest thing ever — except that we don't. I was doing elimination communication AND cloth diapering a baby who peed every five minutes (no exaggeration). PLUS, we had a huge baby who was wearing diapers that were on the bulky side — we could barely ever get the snaps closed in the first place, much less keep them that way. I intuited that we would need separates; I put several examples of kimono-style t-shirts and elastic-waist pants on our baby registry and pleaded in the comments that these would be "so convenient!" No one took the hint.
Tomorrow marks the start of the twelve days of Christmas (yes, historically, celebrating Christmas started on December 25 and lasted even longer than Hanukkah! It would be a great way to avoid that post-holiday letdown, right?), so I bring you:
Making your own baby leg warmers is fun and easy! It also can be super cheap yet customized to the tot's or parents' preferences, so baby leggings can make for a sweet homemade holiday gift.
All you need is a pair of women's knee socks (the bolder the pattern, the better, in my opinion!), a bit of thread and sewing know-how (but seriously not much at all!), and about ten minutes.
Why baby leg warmers?
Well, because they're awesome.
Need more specific reasons?
Cover those bared shins when pants hike up through babywearing or baby carrying.
Protect your crawler's little knees.
Streamline elimination communication and diaper changes by wearing just baby leggings and a shirt.
Punch up your baby's wardrobe with bright colors and fun patterns.
Use them as seasonal transitions to add a light layer under shorts or short sleeves.
Speaking of which, they work great as arm warmers, too, even for older kids and adults!
Materials
Women's knee socks. Men's are fine, too, though women's styles are usually more fun. I've made lovely baby legs from my old worn-out socks, since they tend to wear out in the pieces you'll be cutting off anyway (toes and heels). You can also find thrillingly cheap knee socks in department and discount stores, often themed for whatever holiday or season is upon us (and on clearance just after the fact, if you want to snap up some a year in advance). Thrift stores are another place to peek. I've made Alrik stripey orange-and-black leg warmers for Halloween and have a pair of googly-eyed reindeer socks with his name on it!
Thread
That's it! Oh, my!
Instructions
Here's the simple step-by-step!
Cut off the toes and heels. Save the rest of the foot portion for the bottom cuff.
The original top cuffs and length of the knee socks stay put.
If your socks have a strong pattern like stripes, try to cut evenly along them.
These were a pair of my favorite socks. I bought them in Cornwall, and the tag promised me they were "The Most Stripy Socks Ever!!" I was sold, and apparently loved them too much. I'm glad to give them second life!
Here's hoping this can go down as my weirdest post ever.
Just before Alrik was born a year and a half ago, we bought and installed two bidet seat attachments to our toilets, and I am here to tell you of my continuing satisfaction with the choice. Ready?
I want to make it clear that we paid for both our bidets and that I'm not being compensated for this post. I'm writing about bidets for free. I cannot say that frequently and proudly enough.
Why a bidet?
Why not a bidet?
Oh, wait — you want more? Oh, ok. Well, then:
Does this picture amuse everyone else as much as it does me? That's quite the stream!
On our recent road trip, I was pleased to discover that I could use cloth diapers, practice elimination communication, and bring along my reusable choices for my period — without any additional fuss or stress.
Cloth diapers on a road trip
On our California trip, we "saved up" our diaper service prefolds for the week prior to our departure by using our own stash exclusively. That way, we had a full week-plus of diapers to bring with us on our trip. Since we're not allowed to launder diaper service diapers, I knew we just had to collect them and bring them back for pickup the week we returned. (We also called the service to skip the week of pickup/drop-off when we'd be away.)
I popped them all into two Planet Wise Hanging Diaper Wet/Dry Bags (one I got for review, and then I bought another, because I am totally hooked) — the large size and the handle makes it the perfect diaper-stash bag to bring on a long trip like this, and having both the wet and the dry sections is just what we needed.
We figured we could pick up some disposables if we ran out of our prefolds, but we never did. I took along a plethora of wool covers and a travel-sized bottle of Eucalan wool wash (also good for hand washing delicates, or anything, in hotel sinks) — anytime a cover got stinky or poopy, I could wash it out and hang to dry over the shower curtain rod and have a fresh one on hand. (I really could have made do with three covers total, but I brought a few extra for peace of mind.)
Alrik was comfortable, cute (fluffy bum!), and rash-free for the entire trip. Score!
Now, I know most people don't have a diaper service (sorry!), so here's my take on washing your own cloth diapers on the road. It's totally doable.
Welcome to the October 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Instilling a Healthy Self-Image
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared confessions, wisdom, and goals for helping children love who they are. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
We're hearing a lot from the parents of daughters for this Healthy Self-Image topic, and rightly so — as a woman and therefore in the minority position of power in this culture, I know I've often felt judged for what I look like rather than who I am — almost as if my body has worth only in how it relates to other people or how much it can please them.
As I raise two sons, I am well aware of how I want to change that paradigm within their own thinking: that I want them to love and respect their own bodies, understand their autonomy to make decisions related to their bodies (so that they will not, I hope, be victimized), and honor other people's autonomy over their bodies — so they will not, I dearly hope as well, ever play the role of victimizer. As future men (as far as gender roles go, so far Mikko identifies with being a boy, and Alrik's too young for me to know, so I'll go with his male parts for now), they will also have power to be a force either for good or ill in shaping the conversation about self-image in their culture, and hopefully in promoting healthier attitudes about what constitutes worth and beauty.
That all sounds grandiose, but it starts small and early: with open conversation, confidence that knowledge is a good thing, a respect for our boys' bodily autonomy in whatever ways we can support that, appropriate modeling, and proper defenses against anyone who would try to threaten their bodily autonomy.
Talking, talking, talking
As soon as Mikko expressed curiosity, we pointed out body parts. We use proper names for genitalia, and we're not embarrassed to talk about "private" parts or discuss their functions. I thought I might be giggly, talking about sex with my kids, but somehow, starting at a preschool level (and even earlier) has helped take the weirdness out of it. It sounds like a contradiction, perhaps, but the fact that it's just always been something on the table means there's no broaching a sensitive topic further down the line when one of us is not expecting it. Alrik now, too, knows all about his penis! What boy doesn't? We're also committed to telling them, repeatedly, how much they're beautiful the way they are, and how much we love them, regardless of circumstances.
We recently completed a road trip from Seattle to San Francisco and back, with one five-year-old and one one-year-old, and here are some of the things I've learned and can pass along about traveling by car with little kids. I know everyone has different ages of children, different tolerance levels for misery, and different personalities when it comes to children enduring car seat jail, but here's what worked for us.
Slow down.
Everything will take a lot longer than you think it will (just as it does at home). If you were used to powering through a thirteen-hour drive in a single day, let your land-speed records go and adapt to a more leisurely pace. We broke our trip into two longish days of driving to get down there, and three more moderate days back. It seems, with naps and plenty of stops, that eight hours in the car is about the max for our kids before the screaming ensues. And you don't want the screaming.
Take breaks.
When it was just you, a cooler of snacks, and your pre-birth, adult-size bladder, you could probably drive several hours without a stop. Not so once you factor in the needs of multiple people of varying ages and pee-holding capacities. Acknowledge that you're going to have to stop more often than you want to, and avoid acting like the father who makes his kids pee in a jar in the back seat in lieu of slowing down the pace. (I know that father; do you?)
If you're on U.S. highways in the summer (and I hereby apologize that this post is supremely U.S.- & summer-based), rest stops can actually be a pleasant outdoor break, like little public parks. The ones we stopped at all had trees for shade, and many had green spaces for running around. (The one that didn't had brown dirt for getting filthy in, which suited my kids fine as well.) There are picnic tables, decent restrooms, vending machines, and travel information. We were able to pop the little potty in the grass and give Alrik a serendipitous chance to poop. Woo!
Rock out.
Pack a good supply of tunes for the car. We brought several CDs as well as our smartphone and iPod. I was able to tune into Pandora radio and the Amazon cloud for some of the trip; when we lost internet connection, having some music preloaded was a boon.
The biggest hit for us: The soundtrack for The Muppets. Well, tell me: Are you a muppet or a man?
Keep kids amused.
Pack a lot of easily accessible toys, books, and activities for the car. We had a stockpile of chew toys and rattles for the baby, and small action figures, vehicles, and Transformers for the big boy. They often swapped, which is fine, too.
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
We're on a road trip right now, visiting bucketloads of extended family in California. I'm really tempted to find someplace with a roller coaster soon… And tomorrow we should finally get to visit San Francisco, or as Mikko calls it, Scan Ferskisko.
I thought this exchange between a Romani author and the producers of the US show was quite illuminating.
However, a show like this can harm a group of people already under scrutiny, people who also have families to watch over. Being a Romani isn’t a way of life or a cult. We aren’t Gypsy by choice or calling. No one can decide to become a Gypsy one day. We are a race of close to 10 million, with a culture that spans centuries and across continents. It is one thing to present a willing group of people in a negative light, but quite another to represent an entire race of people as a niche stereotype. This is particularly dangerous since people know so little about us and yet think they know so much.
…
The Romani always remember their roots, but that doesn’t mean they don’t break out and try to find bigger ways to express who they are. THIS diversity is who we are. Although some Romani live more traditionally, there’s an overwhelming number who have accomplished great things while still holding on to their identity. These people make up the majority of Romani, but are rarely talked about. Maybe if they’re shown, their stories told, the audience can relate in more profound ways than ever.
Anyway I wanted to thank you for changing my pajamas and throwing that towel down on my pee pee sheets. I noticed you didn’t open your eyes once (weird). It’s also OK that you didn’t actually change my sheets. I find the faint smell of ammonia comforting. Love means doing things halfway.
(via Emily B.)
Carnival news:
Please write for the July Carnival of Natural Parenting — due July 3 — The topic is Family Creations, and we're looking forward to what projects and tutorials you post!
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
It's that awful time of year when I'm working on my businesses' excise taxes (due January 31) and you'll quickly become bored of hearing me talk about it. The good news is, we've enjoyed a few days (and fortunately just a few) of snowy weather that made for some fun sledding (a lot more snow fell after this post!), and I've still been able to round up a few links for you to read.
If you are a fellow blogger, we would like to invite you to join Laura from Authentic Parenting and me to join in a Sunday Surf of your own and sign up on our linky below. Read more at the Sunday Surf page.
I have thought of and tried out this advice all evening: Saying “I wonder” in response to a four-year-old’s all-the-time questions. He really seems to receive it well, too!
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living.
Riding the rails with my husband, Crackerdog Sam, and our hobo kids, Mikko Lint Picker (born June 2007), Alrik Irontrousers (born May 2011), and Karsten (born October 2014). Trying every day to parent intentionally and with grace.
Dear Lauren of 2007,
Babywearing: My hands-down (hands-free, ha ha!) favorite carrier is my 
, he's spirited.
Well, because they're awesome.
Here's hoping this can go down as my weirdest post ever.
. Doesn't it sound fierce? The BB-1000, suckas!
On our 
(one I got 
(also good for hand washing delicates, or anything, in hotel sinks) — anytime a cover got stinky or poopy, I could wash it out and hang to dry over the shower curtain rod and have a fresh one on hand. (I really could have made do with three covers total, but I brought a few extra for peace of mind.)
We recently completed a road trip from Seattle to San Francisco and back, with one five-year-old and one one-year-old, and here are some of the things I've learned and can pass along about traveling by car with little kids. I know everyone has different ages of children, different tolerance levels for misery, and different personalities when it comes to children enduring car seat jail, but here's what worked for us.
. Well, tell me: Are you a muppet or a man?
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
