Do you have those days when everything's a trigger — and yet you're really, really calm and patient? Maybe you're not feeling well, or you're stressed, but you keep your cool under pressure and remain gentle and mindful with your children and the others in your path.
But … but … then the day just keeps going. Sometimes angry reactions are instant and volatile, but often they're the result of hours or even days of build-up. You can hold it in, and hold it in … but then, suddenly, you can't.
What do you do in these situations? What do you do when you're at the end of your patience rope but you still have dinnertime and bedtime to get through? Some of us might be fortunate enough to duck out and call on a partner or friend to take over so we can escape before we explode — but what do we do when we don't have that option, or when it's not enough?
Here's where you think I have some thoughtful answer. Surprise! I'm honestly asking you.
Write me back with your best ideas (mail@hobomama.com) or comment on this post, and I'll feature your responses (with first names & last initials or pseudonyms — let me know if you prefer privacy) in an upcoming post.
So tell us:
How do you remain a gentle parent when it's been a long, long day of choosing gentleness over and over and you're nearing your peacefulness limit?
Alrik turned three when we were on our trip to London. It was as if a switch was flipped. Gone is our easygoing toddler and in his place is a kid who wholeheartedly digs in and melts down multiple times a day.
At first we wrote it off as jet lag and disrupted sleep, then a possible cold, then adjustments to our sleep schedule on our return. Finally, we just had to admit it: This is how he is right now.
This is a boy screaming that anyone else got food except for him. How dare we!
Clearly he deserves ALL THE PLATES.
I'd say it's our comeuppance that he was such an easy baby and toddler, except that we had plenty of the drama with Mikko's baby and toddler days to last us, but maybe that's just how it is: You can choose one phase to be easy, and the rest are going to push you.
I'm not talking whining and whimpering, either. Oh, no. These are full-out, bloodcurdling screams, or his entire face crumpling as he opens his mouth wide in a whole-throated, whole-lunged wail — that then lasts fifteen minutes or more. These are obviously big emotions — over what, to us, seem like little things.
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Right now, I'm going to do a mini-review of several resources that have meant something to me. Keep in mind that this full collection is worth $750, which means each resource has an average value of $21. You don't have to crave many of the books to make the whole bundle or one of the topical bundles well worth your purchase!
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
There's a game at Chuck E. Cheese that we all three play together
— it involves bopping space aliens —
and we let the tickets build up to a dramatic finale!
I've been super impressed that Alrik's agreed to
get this near Charles E. Fromage —
he'll even give him a high-five now.
Speaking of brave, this picture's from a visit Shannon made alone with all four kids while
Sam & I had a date! I know. Mega-star.
By nursing in public I am doing my bit in shifting the framing of breasts back to feeding rather than sexing and it’s important enough to me to risk Death Stares and Facebook rants.
It’s not militant, it’s not aggressive, it’s no Gestapo-like boob army. It’s just a mother breastfeeding her baby when the baby needs it. It’s a natural, normal activity that has been done since time began and shouldn’t be hidden under a bushel.
I love the attachment parenting principle of responding with sensitivity, because I think that in itself can sum up attached parenting: witnessing your child's needs and meeting them with love.
One thing that's become important to me is realizing that there's no magic formula for responding with sensitivity: Our children's needs are different from another child's, and the needs change as they grow. It's a very in-the-moment process of checking back with your child and yourself to see if you're in tune right now.
When Mikko was born, Sam and I learned quickly that we needed to respond quickly, and often! As a high-needs baby, Mikko needed a lot of help regulating and soothing himself: babywearing, bouncing, walking, white noise, massage, lullabies, and lots and lots of time breastfeeding. We figured out we could put him down for small periods — but only if we kept up the motion: in a bouncy seat with our foot doing the jiggling, or in a baby hammock that rocked him to sleep.
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
Does anyone else feel like the Christmas season is racing by? Stop, stop, stop! I want some of that kid-perspective of Advent-lasts-foreeeever-and-when-is-it-going-to-be-Christmas-already, because I can't believe it's almost here and we've done about … oh … 5 things on our list of 100 possibilities. I'm trying to slow down a bit and just enjoy it, regardless. We have our tree and stockings up now, so that's nice!
I thought you'd want to enjoy this epic bedhead from Alrik's nap.
I also gave him a haircut that day. You'd think that was because of or after the bedhead, right? Nope, the haircut came first and apparently unleashed even more volume. But the back of his head's pretty much always like that. We got off easy with Mikko and his self-styling locks.
Of course, not that we do much at all to keep this kid looking this cute.
Having unrealistic expectations, for example expecting your toddler to sit quietly during dinner for an hour, sets parents up for frustration – thereby undermining gentle intentions. Imagining malicious intention can be even worse. Imagine your 11 month old throwing food off of their tray. If you imagine she is doing it intentionally to annoy you your reaction will be very different than if you imagine she is having a great time learning about her power over objects.
Thank you for making me feel bad challenging me to be less lazy, to pick a few things up and to try a new activity. To switch off the TV and hand over the glitter pots.
[…]
Thank you for helping me realise that you doing what you do to the very best of your abilities isn’t an indictment on me. It’s just you celebrating your strengths as I compare, identify and then celebrate mine! And also for showing me that you can’t make me feel anything, and I own my feelings and should take responsibility for them rather than blaming you for being great.
I want to think of arranging my house as if I live in a hotel. One of the best experiences in my life was living in England for a summer during college and having a whole bookshelf for about 10 books and a whole closet for half a dozen outfits — it felt decadent and right. And it was SO EASY to clean up!
But the best thing about the Firelight Lodge (or any hotel for that matter) is that we each checked in with only 1 suitcase each full of our favourite things.
And that has to be the single most compelling reason for getting rid of clutter that I can think of. Seriously, have you ever walked into a hotel room and thought:what this place is missing is a whole lot of my crap?
Sure, sometimes a comfortable bed or a sharp knife would be a pleasant addition, but do you miss your 46 tea towels or your laundry day underwear? Do you ever get a hankering to fix that broken flashlight you’ve been hanging onto?
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
Here's hoping you all had a celebratory Thanksgiving weekend! We just stayed home and the boys puked. And I cleaned up puke. And they puked some more. It was … different.
But now it's time for the holiday season, and I am stoked! Christmas music, ahoy!
Once upon a time, I used a Sunday Surf to talk about manifesting a hedgehog. Since Mikko's now enthusiastically on board, we are one step closer. Don't you just adore his drawing of a hedgehog? Totally unprompted. We made a shopping list and went to the pet store to get some supplies.
Q4. What if something bad happens? I’ve heard about horrible things that can happen during a birth.A. We’d be really screwed. Once we get out into the woods by the fire and the drummers burning incense, we enter a force field and can’t leave it to go to a hospital. Ambulances can’t get in, either.
Q5. Is the midwife trained? A. If you’re lucky…but if not, usually one of the drummers (by the fire, in the woods) will drop his drum and put out his incense and come over to help in an emergency.
Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe - 4 KIDS (by jimgaffigan)
"Four kids. If you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth, just imagine you’re drowning … and then someone hands you a baby."
"We had all our babies at home … just to make you feel uncomfortable."
"People always assume there was some laziness involved. ‘You didn’t want to go to the hospital?’ ‘It was far. I didn’t feel like putting on pants.’"
"People are like, ‘You didn’t want to go to that germ-infested building where sick people congregate? … Didn’t your wife want to give birth in a gown someone died in yesterday?’"
"There was also a midwife there, because we believe in witchcraft."
Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
We sort of accidentally got this sticker machine (my affiliate link: Sticker Maker),
and it's one of the best accidental things we've acquired.
If you told a kid, "Hey, practice writing for two hours straight," there'd be some groaning.
But if you're making stickers — you don't even notice the learning!
Mikko especially liked making spiders, his newest fear-based obsession.
(He's created a No Spiders Allowed Club that we're all members of.
He charges us for the privilege, and the member badges.)
This spider sticker went on my shirt, to startle me throughout the day presumably.
You glanced toward the mother and the kid, then at me, rolled your eyes and said in a loud voice: “Man, some people need to learn how to control their f**king kids.” The lady could definitely hear you, but I guess that was your intention. […]
Yeah, I didn’t respond the way you anticipated. Instead, I offered my own helpful suggestion: “Man, some people need to learn how to shut their mouths, watch their language, and mind their own business.”
A breakdown of the new AAP recommendations for safe home births, and what CPMs (certified professional midwives, vs. certified nurse midwives, who typically already work in or in cooperation with hospital settings) could do to adhere to these guidelines. I like the idea of setting standards for midwifery care and home birth so that women have choice in birth but can be confident of keeping themselves and their babies safe if they choose home birth and midwifery care.
Carnival news:
Calling for submissions for the October 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting! Theme: Kids and Technology: What is your stance on screen time? Does your family watch TV? What about computers, tablets, smart phones, and other gadgets? Tell us about your family'’s practices and goals regarding shows, apps, and other modern-day options.
Deadline: Tuesday, October 1. Fill out the webform and email your submission to us by 11:59 p.m. Pacific time: CarNatPar {at} NaturalParentsNetwork.com
Be sure to sign up for the Carnival Calendar, add your own carnivals, and keep track of what's coming up!
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living.
Riding the rails with my husband, Crackerdog Sam, and our hobo kids, Mikko Lint Picker (born June 2007), Alrik Irontrousers (born May 2011), and Karsten (born October 2014). Trying every day to parent intentionally and with grace.
I love the attachment parenting principle of responding with sensitivity, because I think that in itself can sum up attached parenting: witnessing your child's needs and meeting them with love.
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
