Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Having babies broke my body



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It was during my last period, cursing my menstrual cup's repeated and messy failures, that the sobering thought finally hit me: This might not get better. After having my third baby, my body is broken.

I don't know how much is age, or how much is particular to my body's foibles, and I don't know what I hope to accomplish by cataloging this except to offer sympathy to anyone else going through this realization.

But here are the ways my body seems to have reacted to repeated pregnancies and births:

The peeing.

That pre-baby body has gone the
way of the woolly mammoth.
Oh, the peeing. My kids think it's hilariously exasperating that I must use the restroom every half-hour. I know where every public toilet is on our usual routes, and I cannot afford to be choosy about conditions of some of the sketchier ones, as well as the hellish stretches where there is not one. I have been known to duck into an unoccupied construction zone's porta-potty. I'm not proud, but it's better than wetting myself.

Speaking of which, I have spent too much time fantasizing about ordering pee undies. They are so much moolah, though. Why so very much? Would a cloth menstrual pad be as good? Can I make my own pee-wear from old cloth diapers?

And I've had to cut way back on caffeine, or woe betide me. Again, just ask my kids about my comical dance to get the keys in the front door, race up the stairs, and make it into the bathroom before I need to throw my pants in the wash. I often lose the race.

Menstrual cup confusion.

This might or might not be related as it's a down-there situation, but what the actual heck is going on with my cervix and adjacent ladybits now? Almost every month is a game of Will My Menstrual Cup Catch Any Blood? The answer is usually, No, no, it won't. The blood will go around, adhere to the side, or do other fun things. WHERE ARE MY PARTS NOW? Did the babies MOVE them?