It's interesting to think about pre-parent me and who I was six and a half years ago compared with today. It's incredible the ways being a parent has changed me — not just in terms of stretch marks, a higher tolerance for being peed on, and the adopting of phrases my mom used to say that I swore I never would — but in ways that affect my deepest core and have brought me into my true self.
Pre-kids Sam and me could do pretty much anything, and so we did. We didn't have much money, but we still traveled a lot, went to plays and concerts and museums, started businesses, moved across the country just because, watched multi-day marathons of TV shows on DVD, practiced music and wrote songs, volunteered long hours, took continual adult-education classes, and enjoyed it all.
I don't regret who I was then, and I don't regret that my life has changed. I imagine some of it would have changed with age and circumstances in any case, but I can definitely see how before becoming a parent, I had pretty much my own inclinations to consult for what I wanted to do on any given day and in my broader life planning. I wasn't selfish or thoughtless — that's just how my life was.
Now my own inclinations come toward the end of the priority list. I have two little munchkins whose needs necessarily come before my own. I have to make sure other people get enough sleep and food and love and play before anything else can happen. I can't take a break if I'm sick or tired or sick and tired of another tantrum or sibling squabble. I've had to grow up, in other words, and be the parent, because that's who they need me to be. I don't regret that, either, and it's been a beneficial learning and growing process, even as it felt at the beginning like being thrown into the deep end.
On the flip side, I've noticed something really intriguing in the way this more structured, seemingly restricted life has allowed me to blossom.
Before becoming a parent, I didn't do as much to pursue my dreams and goals. I knew I wanted to write a novel, for instance, but I figured I had to wait until that was all I was doing. Meanwhile, we had other things going on, and no pressing urgency to get that novel done right then.
I even had hoped that getting pregnant with my first would light the fire under me I needed — that I would finish my novel before his birth, since clearly I wouldn't have time after he was born. Right?
It didn't happen. But after his birth: I started a blog, and it grew. I wrote a novel, and then several besides. I published several books and am working on more.
With my time so much less "perfect," I now realized there is no perfect time for pursuing your goals and becoming the person you want to be. It's now — it's all now.
My children grow so quickly, right before my eyes, reminding me of that daily now that is all we have. I've learned to take what I need for myself as I can grab it, and make room in my busier life as a mother of two and a homeschooler to carve out the writing time my soul craves. Funny how life comes together that way!
I'd love to hear how having children has changed you as a person and helped you develop into your true self! Let me know in the comments, and you can enter to win a $100 Visa gift card.
Buy it!
I'm inviting you to check out the movie Delivery Man, about a man who discovers his children and his true self. David (Vince Vaughn) finds out his donation to a sperm bank fathered many more children than he'd counted on, and he goes on a journey to find his 533 offspring and in the process find himself.
Bring home this Special Delivery, called "hilarious and heartfelt" by Peter Rallis of Rallis Review, on Blu-ray, DVD, and Digital HD starting March 25. Watch it 533 times!
Go to the site to order now, and become a fan on Facebook.
Win it!
For a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card from the entries on this blog, please answer the question in the comments:
Tell us how your kids have changed you for the better!
Please leave your email address in the comments so I can reach you if you win! You can write it like this to foil spambots: mail {at} HoboMama {dot} com
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me; otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 3/20/14 – 4/19/14. Be sure to visit the Delivery Man page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!
Contest closes April 19 (extended!)
at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time.
See my full disclosure policy here.
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
162 comments:
My kids have change me by making me top and smell the roses in life.
vandenbossche3@hotmail.com
https://twitter.com/618mom23boys/status/446702225398587392
vandenbossche3@hotmail.com
having kids made me more patient
elena150980@yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/ElenaIstomina/status/446746010908237824
elena150980@yahoo.com
tweet:
https://twitter.com/mami2jcn/status/446762625582383104
My kids have taught me to be more patient and appreciate the smallest of moments
My daughter has taught me many things. Responsibility and being less "flightly", but also, to really enjoy the little stuff. The biggest thing was realizing there is still a child inside me thats in awe of new things neyabenz(at)gmail(dot)com
Gwen reminds me to slow down, and see the magic in everyday life. She has also helped me practice my patience. :-)
Having kids has taught me what real responsibility is, and feeling responsible doesn't end after they are grown.
Tweet
https://twitter.com/clc408/status/447096484991729664
My niece and nephew have taught me to appreciate the people in my life and recognize the importance of relationships. They also have taught me to make a conscious effort to be happy and pleasure the little things in life. They have taught me not to take life too seriously and don't sweat the small stuff.
Having kids as taught me to be more responsible and patient. Thanks so much.
rickpeggysmith(at)aol(dot)com
I tweeted: https://twitter.com/peg42/status/447125890569211904
Thanks again.
rickpeggysmith(at)aol(dot)com
Made me be more patient.
austma7@aol.com
I don't have a kid, but I have a dog who is my "kid". :-) She's taught me to be happier, in general. I love how dogs are always happy!
Having children gave me more confidence in myself and my abilities
My kids have taught me better critical thinking as well as making me better at compromising :) I need both in order to watch out for my kids best interests, as well as balancing freedom with good choices :)
anastasia2013@gmail.com
Tweeted :) - https://twitter.com/Enter_Now/status/447306247008555008
anastasia2013@gmail.com
https://twitter.com/OneFrugalGirl/status/447370255737032704
onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com
That my heart can fill with more love than I ever could have imagined.
onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ~CS Lewis
I think he said it best... Thanks for hosting!
My daughter has taught me how to love others and to take things simple.
narrowroad3770@yahoo.com
They have shown me how beautiful it is to be selfless.
chambanachik(at)gmail(dot)com
When I had kids, I learned what unconditional love is. I learned that even 30 years later, you still worry. And I learned the best thing about having kids is GRANDkids!
my kids have changed me for the better because i try to be a good example and role model for them, so i am more aware of doing the right things at the right times.
stigay at comcast.net
Having kids has helped me to look at the positive and not focus on the negative.
Having children has made me less selfish, have more patience, be more loving and more responsible.
s2s2 at Comcast dot net
https://twitter.com/susan1215/status/447482552970801152
s2s2 at Comcast dot net
They have given me patience, understanding, and the ability to unconditional love.
elysesw@aol.com
Its made me more responsible and concerned about the future of the country.
lazybones344 at gmail dot com
more patience and look at things through children's eyes - simple joys
tvollowitz at aol dot com
They have taught me to have lots of patience and given me new perspective on life.
https://twitter.com/ardy22/status/447594987799056384
My children taught me selflessness and unconditional love. :-)
Lesha@tothemotherhood.com
Having children has taught me patience, which was a big problem for me. You cannot be impatient with children at all, and with my new-found patience, it has made other areas of my life better, especially relationships with others. I find the care of children rewarding and watching them grow and change is wonderful.
https://twitter.com/LuLu_Brown24/status/447712601267400704
They have taught me to be understanding
We start almost every day with a fruit and vegetable smoothie. Our Blendtec has over 700 uses!
aleksnearing gmail com
Yes, they've given me a newfound appreciation for life.
I was pretty depressed until I met my husband and then had my children. I am so happy with them.
tamarsweeps-at-gmail-dot-com
I don't have my own kids but the kids at my job remind me that people are resilient in the face of life.
I love my child and all that he teaches me every day. He is such an amazing little person!
photo.stories at yahoo . com
I tweeted about your contest.
https://twitter.com/eversienna/status/447806233320226816
photo.stories at yahoo . com
I'm so much more patient, and less judgmental of others!
shannoncarman at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/channynn/status/448098547959738368
We tried for a year to have a baby, and then finally found out we were having twins. They have changed our lives for the better. My husband and I have gotten closer to God because of the things we went through trying to get pregnant and my son being in the Nicu (5 weeks early).
We do not drink anymore, we are more patient, we both appreciate the little things in life more, and we just dedicate our lives and time to our kids. They are such a blessing and truly are the GREATEST gift!!
Thank you!!
faithrains2387 (At) Yahoo.com
Tweet:
https://twitter.com/heavensangel238/status/448268324435009536
Faithrains2387 (at) yahoo.com
They have helped me to slow down and smell the roses.
rhoneygtn at yahoo dot com
I have to say stability. Because of them I've stayed in the same home, dentist, job etc in a very good way. We have learned to stay committed no matter what and worked through issues but still maintain our ground and stability. Love my kids!
Tweet
https://mobile.twitter.com/eve2570/status/448599386574958593?screen_name=eve2570
eve2570 at msn.com
I learn to appreciate patience and surprises.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
-https://twitter.com/tcarolinep/status/448657751460151296
They taught me patience and to not take myself or life too seriously :)
heatheranne99 at gmail dot com
Tweet!
https://twitter.com/ScoomerBlog/status/449049406310858753
heatheranne99 at gmail dot com
Having my daughter made me a more patient person. I was always pretty patient, but with her I learned to make sure I slowed down and enjoy every moment and wait for things, most everything is worth the wait
I tweeted https://twitter.com/2BeFitBy50/status/449209567730479104
I learned that love is unending and unconditional
Beside keeping me active, I became a responsible person.
https://twitter.com/smilekisses/status/449445493660073984
nothing like having kids to make you a planner and way more responsible!
She taught me patience and unconditional love.
hewella1 at gmail dot com
My kids taught me patience.
i'm able to relate to others better
Having the girls has helped me learn to trust my own judgment and to be more patient.
thank you
Tweet
https://twitter.com/JalapenoMama/status/450818585666285568
Having children changed me in so many ways, I definitely became less selfish but more importantly I realized I had to take better care of myself because I was responsible for more than just my happiness in life.
mummytotwoboys@yahoo.com
Tweeted
https://twitter.com/mummytotwoboys1/status/451075546139484162
mummytotwoboys@yahoo.com
they made me a better person ,stronger and more patience
https://twitter.com/HappyTina0115/status/451176075754610688
im a much better parent because i really think SINCE i've had kids i know how to love now
vanitizebaby@yahoo.com
tweet
https://twitter.com/MeandBells/status/451424475213352961
vanitizebaby@yahoo.com
Trying to have kids has made me more patient and understanding. Maria.whipple at gmail.com
I have so much motivation to be a better person because of them. To smile to be happy! They have loved me unconditionally. amypugmire@live.com
tweet. amypugmire@live.com
https://twitter.com/1amypugmire/status/451492574428024832
I also did the alternate entry!
Maria.whipple at gmail dot com
my daughter taught me patience
joe gersch
joebissy@mail.com
I've learned a lot about patience and the power of laughter and developed into a more grounded person.
I only have a furbaby, I was unfortunate and couldn’t carry. But, she is our joy and she brings so much love and happiness to our life.
https://twitter.com/myfolly/status/453409537304039424
First of all, I love your outfit in these pictures :)
My kids have taught me loads of patience, as well as how to live in the moment. <3
My kids have taught me selflessness and a deeper love than I've ever known!
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
tweeted: https://twitter.com/KerryBishop/status/453684195764621312
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
Kids add so much more meaning to life and help you to grow up
https://twitter.com/kj20082006/status/453759142981693441
I learned that even if everything isn't perfect - hey its ok!
debbiebellows (at) gmail (dot) com
My kids have brought out my playful/creative side!
Addictedtorodeo at gmail dot com
to put others needs first
MCantu1019 at aol dot com
i am forced to slow down and enjoy every moment
https://twitter.com/raggammuffin/status/454603017434959872
He's helped me step outside my own perspective.
My daughter has helped me live in the now and see the world through a child's eyes..and laugh more!
cgies25 at hotmail
They have showed me how to pause and enjoy the little things in life!
mistyharms2@yahoo.com
My tweet https://twitter.com/mistymarie34/status/454797022873153536
mistyharms2@yahoo.com
I have changed for the better by putting someone else first and caring more.
motioncitycutie(at)aol(dot)com
Being a parent made me realize what my priorities really are: I finally chose to become an independent researcher so I could move near family. karina-vegavilla (@) hotmail. Com
I have changed for the better by putting others before myself and having more patient. Thanks for the giveaway aunteegem@yahoo.com
Because I had my daughter at such a young age, I had to grow up quite quickly and become responsible adult and parent.
I have 2 sons, 4 and 6. They have taught me to be more patient.
seyma_bennett@hotmail.com
My children have taught me to slow down and enjoy the little things in life.
willitara [at] gmail [dot] com
Tweet - https://twitter.com/willitara/status/455638675020185600
willitara [at] gmail [dot] com
they're helping me be less selfish and more patient pryfamily5@gmail.com
tweeted https://twitter.com/DaPryz/status/455709180276404224 pryfamily5@gmail.com
I posted a tweet:
https://twitter.com/bellows22/status/455895650358419456
debbiebellows (at) gmail (dot) com
Made me realize it's okay not to control everything.
My son has made me a much more patient person, and he makes me take the time to stop and appreciate the little things.
Thanks for the chance to win!
wildorchid985 at gmail dot com
tweet--https://twitter.com/WildOrchid985/status/456017916186853376
wildorchid985 at gmail dot com
I used to care what people thought of me but my kids helped me embrace who I really am, they taught me to be and believe in myself and to know that I am loved even when I am not perfect.
neiddyruiz@gmail.com
my tweet - https://twitter.com/neiddy_ruiz/status/456059295520419840
neiddyruiz@gmail.com
They make you slow down and see the world from a different view. It seems that until you have kids you don't appreciate the little things.....things you used to just walk by and never gave a thought to.
Tweet: https://twitter.com/njhhb/status/456083682181136384
My kids have made me to constantly strive to be the best mom I can…I quit smoking 5 years ago for them…I’m always trying to set a positive example for them. I was an adventure seeker before them…now I’m much more cautious about EVERYTHING!
pittsy82@hotmail.com
tweeted https://twitter.com/pittsy82/status/456165216519061505
pittsy82@hotmail.com
I tend to be a spur of the moment person but having kids changed that for good. You have to plan things out, you have to bring this, that and the other thing. When a kid has to pee, they mean Now not ten minutes from now.
ddx155 at gmail.com
https://twitter.com/ddx155/status/456192230358011904
ddx155 at gmail.com
My children taught me unconditional love. I totally learned to enjoy every moment!
https://mobile.twitter.com/Shiebs24/status/456269356142313472
My kids made me realize what and who are important to have in my life and to appreciate every moment.
njharmonyg at aol dot com
tweet https://twitter.com/hburmeister/status/456350065515167744
njharmonyg at aol dot com
your life become more about them and less about u
https://twitter.com/purplelover04/status/456461864776392704
I am more patient and enjoy the simple things of life more
dlatany at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/sweetums82/status/456462219006312450
dlatany at gmail dot com
I quit smoking for my little 4 year old daughter because she asked me. After 26 years of the habit I kicked it for her..I want to see her graduate high school!
I feel like having kids made me live in the moment, and taught me what was really important. Being a mom is the best thing in my life. I love my kids more than anything.
4mariemh atgmaildot com
My kids have changed me completely. The minute I had my first son I knew that the world wasn't all about me anymore. For the first time I experienced true selflessness. I have 3 grown sons and 2 grandsons now and they are the most important things in the world to me.
tweet
https://twitter.com/eswright18/status/456552958889447425
Teaching me time management
MY KIDS...ARE MY WORLD AND THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO WAKE UP SMILING EVERY DAY BC OF THEM :)
TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE AND NOT TO WORRY... PUT IT IN GODS HANDS ALWAYS :)
They have shown faith.
https://twitter.com/SkyShyskyk/status/456613315158896640
My kids have taught me to appreciate the little things and patience.
fmd518 at gmail dot com
I don't have any kids, but my nephew has made me happier! nest 67 {at} live dot com
They have taught me unconditional love, patience and joy
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/ChelleB36/status/456653253015371777
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
My kids taught me patience and letting go to have fun.
traymona[at]aol.com
They have taught me to be more patient.
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
https://twitter.com/aes529/status/456787453639401473
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
my kids have changed my life for the better by showing me how to enjoy the little things in life. life is too short to be mad, just smile and have a good time.
susansmoaks at gmail dot com
My kids have made my alot more responsible and caring.
rounder9834 @yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/thomasmurphy40/status/456842212655894528
rounder9834 @yahoo.com
I am much more concerned with the impact I have on the world around me.
discriminating_diva at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/dddiva/status/456845861478088704
discriminating_diva at yahoo dot com
Having children has made me appreciate the small moments.
My son gives me a reason to want more out of life, and to always strive for better.
ccboobooy at gmail dot com
http://twitter.com/ccboobooy/status/456893269494865920
ccboobooy at gmail dot com
My kids taught me love, patience and responsibility
I've never had kids. I think they teach you to live in the moment.
Thanks for the contest.
slehan at juno dot com
https://twitter.com/slehan/status/456934132375756800
slehan at juno dot com
I've definitely learned patience with them and other people around me. I've gained an attitude of "Everyone is doing the best they can in the moment."
hrfarley at gmail dot com
I understand love so much more and the future is even more important I have a million times more patience. I also use to wish for time to fly by (growup) and now I wish it would slow down.
https://twitter.com/eaglesforjack/status/456975320013238273
The children have made realize that others are watching me. Thank you
candieluster(at)gmail(dot)com
My kids have caused me to better evaluate who I spend time with and allow to influence their lives. I'm a better person because of this.
Made me more responsible.
hlee99 at gmail dot com
I tweeted at
https://twitter.com/leedhowell/status/457414643804553216
hlee99 at gmail dot com
Kids teach me to have more patience!
ajoy1332 at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/ajoy1332/status/457523924180271104
ajoy1332 at yahoo dot com
Children make me more responsive to others' needs.
eugeniewu [at] gmail-dot-com
Having children has made me a better person because God has showed me many lessons of His love through being a parent. Wouldn't change a thing.
Tweet:
https://twitter.com/HeartnSoulmom/status/458056407959367680
dizzybloom(at)gmail(dot)com
@Cheryl
dizzybloom(at)gmail(dot)com
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