Are you the parent of a young baby? I hereby pass along to you my holiday gift: the permission and suggestion to slow down and take care of yourself, too.
I've been through four Christmases with a younger nursling. My kids are currently 6 and a half and 2 and a half years old, and I learned a thing or two from their Christmases at around six months and around 18 months on how to take the holidays easy.
Now, there's what worked for me, but then there are the choices you will make, and it's totally possible and probable that you will have a different set of criteria and priorities when it comes to holiday celebrations. So take my advice as just a series of gentle suggestions. Sometimes people need permission to let go of the pressures of the holidays and of visits to distant relatives, and if that's you, I want to grant it! It's your holiday celebration, too, so try to slow down and enjoy it.
Cut down on travel, or plan aheadWe traveled by plane with Mikko when he was four months old, and then again when he was seven months old. After those two experiences, we swore off plane trips for the next several years at least. We then, warily, tried a road trip when he was 20 months old...which made us rethink future road trips. We've now traveled twice with Alrik, once by car and once by plane, and while neither was awful, neither was a walk in the park.
I'm not saying you'll have a bad experience if you travel somewhere with kids. I'm just saying you might. We did. Our first Christmas with Mikko, we had decided: No way are we flying out East. It wasn't just the holidays, though. We decided to put a general moratorium on flying. If our families wanted to see us more frequently than we did them (and see the kids — mainly the kids), they could come out West. And so they have. For years before we had kids, Sam and I schlepped our sweet twosome out their way. We figure we're due now for a few reciprocal visits.
So that's my first advice, if you can swing it and if you want to. Put your foot down, say you're staying put, and enjoy a quiet holiday season with just your immediate family, or with any relatives who decide to come out your way. Now that I've said that, I'm realizing that housing and feeding visiting relatives might not be any quieter, so maybe have them come at a different time!
But, if you really want to travel and it would make you sad to stay home alone, then I would suggest really preparing in advance for the trip.
If it's a plane trip, breastfeeding can help you out immensely. You can nurse during takeoff and landing to help regulate your little one's ear pressure, and it can also help calm a cranky kidlet. Prepare by reading The Parent Vortex's post on natural parenting and air travel as well as PhD in Parenting's post on "Tips for Breastfeeding on a Plane" for ideas of what to bring to breastfeed comfortably in flight, and how to deal with any confrontation. Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has good advice to airlines to make all flights breastfeeding-friendly, and Geeky Gaming Mama reminds us to practice safe cosleeping and breastfeeding practices while on the plane. If you're likely to be tired yourself, make sure you have a safe place to put a young infant while you sleep, since it's not safe to sleep upright with a small baby in your lap. Ideally, buy a separate ticket for your baby and bring along an airline-approved car seat so that you both have a secure spot to rest.
|Do encourage your baby to review the safety instructions.|
|But under no circumstances should you allow your infant to order from SkyMall.|
For road trips, make sure to leave extra time and bring extra supplies. Particularly when traveling with kids in the winter, I like to know we have everything that might help in case of a weather emergency. Equip your car with warm blankets, nonperishable snacks, water bottles partly filled so they won't explode if they freeze, jumper cables, flashlights, and charged cell phone with emergency numbers. Keep your gas tank comfortably full as well. A good tip is not to let the gauge slip below a quarter-tank. Don't push it when you're traveling in winter. If you become temporarily stranded, having some extra gas might be the only thing keeping you warm while you wait for help. Bring along your cloth diapers as well.
But the most important thing to have as a traveling mother is extra time. You never know when the baby is going to need you to pull over somewhere safe to eat — and the younger the baby, the more often this will happen — so don't try to rush to your destination. One of the best pieces of advice I received as a parent was never to promise to be anywhere on time. Just accept that a young baby is going to need some pit stops to refuel. Find somewhere safe and warm, or use that extra gas I mentioned earlier to keep your car running at a rest stop, and feed safely. Never try to breastfeed in a moving car, even if you're both strapped in — car seats and babies aren't meant to withstand the weight of a mother rushing at them in a sudden stop. What you can do, though, is be a presence to your child by sitting in the backseat with him or her. And this is something anyone in the family can do, not just the nursing mama. I let Sam take over that job when Mikko's had enough alone time, because I get carsick back there and Sam doesn't. If you're bottle feeding or offering solid foods as you drive, also have someone sit in back with the baby to make sure there's no choking.
The other way extra time helps is in letting you slow down and drive safely in inclement weather. I still remember rushing to Sam's parents during a blizzard on Christmas Eve one year. We skidded off the exit and ran into a little pole. Fortunately, that was all we hit! That was pre-kids; I would want to take absolutely no chances of rushing on icy roads or during a storm with a baby on board.
Put the relatives to workIf you're visiting or being visited by family members and friends, take advantage of the situation.
Does Grandma want to bounce the baby for an hour? Let her enjoy her bonding opportunity, while you take some time to eat a warm meal — with two hands and actual silverware!
Does your young cousin want to play countless games of peekaboo with your toddler? Say: Go for it, cuz! Now you have a chance to enjoy some adult conversation for once.
Instead of trying to do it all yourself, let there be a dispersal of responsibility, and take the time, at this stage in your life, to relax and just enjoy the holidays. It might feel selfish, but you're caring for a full other human. If you're breastfeeding exclusively, you are supplying the nutrient load entirely. That gives you the right for a little time to put your feet up! And your loved ones will actually appreciate the chance to interact with your little bundle of joy.
If no one is volunteering to help you out, you might have to get specific and ask for help. Sometimes people don't know what would be most helpful for a mama of a little one, so you might have to point out what does and doesn't work for you. For instance, you might need to keep a newborn close for those frequent feedings rather than pass the sweetness around, but you can request that someone bring you a cup of holiday punch or fill a plate from the buffet with finger foods and set it on a convenient table at your side. If your baby is at risk from exposure to germs, limit your festivities and be clear to guests what the guidelines are for touching the little one.
If you're hosting the holiday gathering, be shameless about requesting help, both in advance and on the day. Make it a potluck where you provide just one dish — if any at all. Be reckless and use paper plates, or assign clean-up duty to some of the tween and teenage set. They'll probably enjoy the chance to have a little water fight with each other, anyway — bonding over bubbles, and all that! Have a group of friends come over early to help you decorate and tidy, or see if you can wangle an early present of a cleaning service gift certificate.
Have an answer ready for any questions or criticismConsider ahead of time how you might smoothly handle any criticisms of your attachment parenting style, your gentle discipline, or your breastfeeding. This is not meant to make you paranoid. Just as I have never been asked to cover up on an airplane while breastfeeding but some women have, and just as I have not had nosy relatives criticize my commitment to long-term breastfeeding but other women have, I prefer to go into a situation with forethought of how I might conduct myself if something should occur. Here are a few resources that should help you formulate a plan: Kellymom's "Handling criticism about breastfeeding," The Tranquil Parent's "Six ways to defend extended breastfeeding, positive discipline, or other attachment parenting habits," and NursingFreedom's "Answering Objections to Nursing in Public." If, for instance, you don't want to agree to move to another room or cover up while breastfeeding, have a calm response to give to anyone who asks you to.
You might also practice ahead of time ways to breastfeed in a way as will keep you comfortable, perhaps investing in a few simple key pieces of a nursing wardrobe in advance, such as a nursing camisole or belly band. I'm not at all suggesting that you cover up or treat breastfeeding as anything other than natural and normal — but you have to decide what your personal comfort level is, considering your experience with breastfeeding and which people will be present to observe you.
Slow down and pare downIt's so tempting to run yourself ragged over the holidays, even if you're not caring for young children. But when you are, it's even more important to weigh carefully what sorts of commitments you'll allow yourself to get into.
Be willing to say no to parties that don't interest you or events that would require finagling a babysitter and expressing milk, if that would stress you out. Agree not to exchange presents with some people, or go more low-key on the giving. Don't wear yourself out trying to hand-knit 20 people on your list an extra-special poncho. Maybe this is the year you commit to an emailed annual letter instead of hand assembling artsy holiday cards. Who knows? In making things easier on yourself, you might just save money and help the environment, too.
And if you have a newborn: That advice to sleep when the baby sleeps? It still applies during the holidays. If you need a rest and can grab a nap, take the chance!
How do you relax and recharge as a mama of young children during busy seasons?
A version of this post originally appeared as part of
the Carnival of Breastfeeding.