Welcome to the Sunday Surf, a tour of the best blogposts I've read throughout the week.
No matter our differences in parenting styles, we can all appreciate the quiet moments of motherhood, and the deep welling of love we feel for our children … when they're asleep. Heh heh.
With all the TIME hullabaloo this week, I'm devoting the space (mostly) to the wise parents who have much to say about what attachment parenting and long-term breastfeeding are really all about. I really love residing among this community of bloggers who truly care about all parents and about respecting parenting choices. In these links, there's no condemnation, no fuel added to the Mommy Wars fire. It's all honest, reflective, sometimes (legitimately) angry, and often inspiring critical thinking about what the magazine was saying versus what is actually true.
So hang on to your hat and start reading. Note that Tumblr arranges the posts in reverse chronological order, so you might want to start at the bottom and work up.
Well, seeing as it’s officially Sunday, I’ve run out of time to read and comment on the rest of the articles discussing the TIME article in my Reader. Herewith I will simply paste them all and leave you to it, if you want to delve further:
Heartwarming story of giving a child the connection she needed through a difficult surgery and recovery. Another case study to show that breastfeeding past infancy is normal and beneficial.
An adult who was raised by attachment parents (who were previously also raised by attachment parents) talks about the effects of having breastfed into toddlerhood, having coslept with her parents, and having been worn in carriers. Hint: She’s not a freak. ;)
"For our family, pursuing the principles of attachment parenting is something we do as a unit, all supporting each other and participating in creating a strong family bond. Even our children participate in modeling the principles in their relationship with each other and with their parents. Attachment parenting isn’t something I do to my child. Attachment parenting is something we practice as a family."
Mayim Bialik on CNN making perfect sense about the fact that attachment parenting is not in fact about how long you breastfeed or whether you cosleep, but that it’s about being responsive to our children. I really love her commonsense responses to this kerfuffle. It’s telling that the interviewer keeps insisting, “But how long are you going to breastfeed?” and Dr. Bialik (I like the sound of that) keeps deflecting it with the point she’s trying to make: that it doesn’t matter.
"Women who breastfeed their children for three years are outliers, but they are not spectacles, and we shouldn’t hold them up as either Madonnas or freaks. Women who do not breastfeed are not monsters, and we should not condemn them, or really have any opinion about their decision at all."
As a huge adoption supporter, I really appreciate this article advocating for children who don’t have parents and need them.
I have to admit, I have reservations with the whole “first world problem” designation used to dismiss anyone who has a concern that’s valid but not as hierarchically earth-shattering as someone else’s concern. So where she says it’s not important how you feed your kids or whether you circumcise your son, I disagree. It is important. Things like that are not a test for whether you’re a good parent — I heartily agree with that. But it’s entirely acceptable to advocate for those issues as well as more far-reaching ones. If someone you knew had thyroid cancer, would you say, “First world problem! At least you didn’t die of dysentery when you were three”? It’s just not helpful to take that stance.
Ok, but back to the point of the article: My heart aches for the children in foster care, group homes, unstable households, and orphanages. I wish more people were willing to adopt, and I wish adoption were easier, less expensive, and more socially supported. I wish families were more socially supported, which would go a long way toward my wish that being an adoptive family were easier.
"[I]f they are grubby from no more than good clean earth and comfortable, that you are enough. You are enough mom for your children. Because you are their mom, and that is enough."
Cutting through the drama and showing that we are ALL confident moms. Joni Rae invites us to spoof the infamous pose with our own kids, in whatever form you wish (breastfeeding or sippy cupping or no), and share it proudly.
Dionna’s insightful response at HuffPost on the subject of breastfeeding past infancy (and I’m quoted):
Nursing past infancy is part of our healthy, loving relationship. As my friend and co-founder of Natural Parents Network, Lauren of Hobo Mamawrote: “You breastfeed day by day, not a year’s leap at a time. Nursing [my son] today, at 3-years-old, is different from breastfeeding him at 2-years-old by only one day, one moment. He didn’t become a gangly toddler overnight, so I had plenty of gradual time to adjust my vision of what a nursling looks like, each day.”
So you see, nursing past infancy simply does not feel extreme to us. Why does my son still nurse?
He nurses because I am his warm, safe place.
This is what works for us. You may do things differently. Neither of us is more extreme or better than the other.
My general take on The Mommy Wars, the beautiful AP families who modeled for the magazine, the unfortunate slant of the TIME article, and the horrific comments some people have made on various sites is this: We’re all parenting the best we know how. We’re doing what works for us and our families. We don’t need to set up barriers that don’t exist between parents who are all doing what we can to raise healthy, happy children.
I so appreciate your sharing and commenting over at BlogHer — I'd love to see them bump this message of tolerance to the front page!
You need a subscription to read it in full, which I don’t have so will have to wait till I can make it to the library.
I’ll say that even the headlines and the opening paragraph irritate me:
Joanne Beauregard is nothing so much as she is a mother. When she and her husband had trouble conceiving, Joanne quit her job as an accountant to focus full time on getting pregnant. When she did, she chose to give birth at home, without pain medication. Then, for months, Beauregard sat on the couch in her Denver-area living room, nursing her infant from sunup to sundown. She nursed much of the night as well, since the baby slept in bed with Beauregard and her husband Daniel, a software engineer.
The cover says attachment parenting drives us mothers to “extremes” and calls Dr. Sears our “guru.” Um…well. I have something to say about that in the future. Just wanted to highlight it here to remind me to vent later…
Just as a preview, what mother do you know who sits on a couch ALL DAY LONG for MONTHS to breastfeed? I’m not saying Joanne doesn’t exist, but that is not the norm for attachment parents. The end.
The photos are admittedly quite beautiful, though naturally they chose the most confrontational one to grace the cover. Dionna of Code Name: Mama andNatural Parents Network is model #3 with her son and daughter.
(Look — a link about something else!) On frustration, anger, and hopelessness and how they can overwhelm mothers.
Poetry of a Hobo Mama giveaways
Do a poet a favor, will you? Please be super kind to these wonderful hosts who are doing their best and boldest to promote these giveaways and go and enter. I don't mind if you hate poetry and vow never to read my book — you can give it as a baby shower gift, or wrap it up as a belated Mother's Day present to your mama, or donate it to your local library. I just want to share these poems that have meant so much to me, and support the blogs who are supporting my dream. I don't say this out of a place of desperation or frustration at all, just truly out of a desire to honor these reviewers for their hard work. Thank you so much!
If you entered my previous giveaways, winners have been notified. So if you didn't get an email, you're free to try, try again!
This is a beautiful, funny, truth-filled collection that I believe would resonate with any mother. The focus on Lauren’s experiences as an attachment-focused parent gives it a unique perspective which any parent on the natural parenting spectrum could appreciate. But it’s not just for the “crunchy” mama in your life; it’s truly about the human experience: about life and love, about laughter and loss. It’s about the joyfully heart-wrenching reality of loving someone as deeply and fully as a parent loves her child.
I love hearing Amy's words and connection, and she shares one of my favorite poems in the post.
And remember — I am not above accepting pity entries. You're good sports. Seriously, Amy will be despondent if no one enters on her page. I'm exaggerating. She's very sensible. But you should still go enter.
Thanks much.
Carnival news:
May Carnival of Natural Parenting — There are a lot of really great extended families out there! And wishes for good ones, as well. I found this a very inspiring carnival when it came to thinking about how to craft my own closeness to extended family, so I encourage you to check out any links you haven't already. (Hobo Mama & Code Name: Mama)
We love following along with fellow Sunday Surfers. If you have your own post of reading links to share, please link up your post on Hobo Mama or on Authentic Parenting. The linky will go live every Sunday, and you can link up any day that week. If Sunday doesn't work for you but you do a links list another day, feel free to play along. You only need to add your post to one of the sites, and the linky will automatically show up on both sites.
Here's my take on the Time Magazine Cover. Thanks for the roundup... so dear to spend mother's day reading these kind of words from supportive mamas. xo http://sarahalisabethfox.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/im-raising-a-child-would-you-care-to-judge-me/
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living.
Riding the rails with my husband, Crackerdog Sam, and our hobo kids, Mikko Lint Picker (born June 2007), Alrik Irontrousers (born May 2011), and Karsten (born October 2014). Trying every day to parent intentionally and with grace.
We love following along with fellow Sunday Surfers. If you have your own post of reading links to share, please link up your post on Hobo Mama or on Authentic Parenting. The linky will go live every Sunday, and you can link up any day that week. If Sunday doesn't work for you but you do a links list another day, feel free to play along. You only need to add your post to one of the sites, and the linky will automatically show up on both sites.
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
5 comments:
Thanks for the plea! And a very happy Mother's Day to one of my favorite mama friends. Hope you have a lovely day! <3
Thank you for the shout-out!
Here's my take on the Time Magazine Cover.
Thanks for the roundup... so dear to spend mother's day reading these kind of words from supportive mamas. xo
http://sarahalisabethfox.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/im-raising-a-child-would-you-care-to-judge-me/
Great roundup, I'm going to work my way through. Here's my take: http://meegs1982.blogspot.com/2012/05/times-hubbub.html
Thanks for collecting all of these resources in one place! I have read a lot of them and can't wait to check out the others. Pinning now.
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