I've talked a lot about using sign language with your baby or toddler. Now here's my chance to shut up and let you win some free resources to help you introduce baby sign language into your own family.

Look What Mom Found...and Dad too is teaming up with Baby Signs With Elizabeth to offer to one lucky reader either the Baby Signs® Complete Starter Kit, which contains everything parents and their babies need for a successful start to signing, OR the Baby Signs Potty Training Kit, which contains a program and supplies for combining potty learning with baby sign language.

You can jump through various hoops on the Look What Mom Found blog to get entries, and the contest ends July 17.

Baby Signs® is a brand of baby sign language headed by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn. (Some baby sign language classes you see offered will be a specific brand, and some will be generalized.) Baby Signs is a good program, based on what I've read of the book. When I was investigating baby sign language, Linda Acredolo's Baby Signs book was one that I sought out from the library, and it was very helpful in getting me started.

We're recuperating right now from a grandparents visit. It was one of those packed two-week extravaganzas that make you wonder: Are you visiting Seattle, or visiting us? Because maybe you should choose.

Often it's been just Sam's mom who's come out, and for once it was both his parents. His dad hadn't seen Mikko since he was four months old (Mikko, that is). And now our little guy is two years old, so he's changed a bit.

So it was good. Good to see them, good for Mikko to see them. Good to see Mikko connect with his grandparents, call Granddad "Da-da" and learn that he was the dude who always had a cool pen in his pocket. "Peh, peh," as Mikko would insist.

And we even had a couple quiet moments of connection and familial bliss, like the laid-back excursion to a German toddler story time at the library, just Grandma, Mikko, and me.

But at the end of it all, we had one very, very tired little guy. Two-year-olds don't do so well with pulling all-nighters, and Mikko didn't sleep well the whole two weeks. He found it hard to unwind from all the excitement of the day to fall asleep at night; he was awoken early by the strange sounds in the bathroom adjoining our bedroom (does that sound wrong to say?); and naps were an utter bust. There was always something going on, even if we had the chance to put him down for a bit during the day. He won't sleep on the move anymore, so...well, he got tired. To the point of screaming. Random meltdowns over the slightest trigger.

And Granddad would ask, "What's wrong with him?"

And we would say, "He's tired."

"Yes, but what's wrong?"

How to explain two-year-old behavior to someone who didn't raise his own kids? Who doesn't know that there's not always an easy fix when a baby is exhausted and feeling overwhelmed and just needs time and space to recover.

And, so, on the last day, Sam felt he had to speak up. It seemed almost too late, but he felt like it would certainly be too late if he waited till the next trip.

He told his parents that Mikko needed a less brutal pace. That a toddler needed absolute quiet during a few hours of the day to rest, and that his parents really should have gone out on their own instead of hanging around and distracting him. That some trips were simply too long and too dull for a boy his age to tolerate. He told them that next time would need to be different, that the grandparents could do whatever they wanted to in terms of vacation if they did most of it on their own, but that the grandchild would retain more of his routine.

Sam said all this respectfully, but he still felt guilty afterwards. He wondered if there had been a point to bringing it up at all right as his parents were leaving, so that it was their last perspective on the trip.

But in the end, he felt like it had been his duty to speak up for a toddler who couldn't articulately speak for himself, and that, indeed, he regretted not having taken a stand earlier.

I told him I knew exactly what he meant, because the parenting episodes I've regretted most have been the times I was called to be an advocate for my child and failed.

For instance, there was the nurse in the hospital forcing formula down him, as I watched in pained dismay but didn't snatch my newborn back to stop her.

More recently, I feel like I should have stayed in the class with him longer when he was just beginning his preschool, even the whole time if necessary, so that he could have felt comfortable while still having my presence. I felt pressure to conform to expectations and to what the other parents were doing, but we're not the same people, and our children have different needs.

I think, after all, that this is our ultimate role as parents, is it not? To advocate, to stand up for these fragile beings who have been placed in our care, to look out for their best interests while they're not in a position to do so for themselves.

I know we don't get chances to do things over, but I hope I start to see my opportunities to stand up for Mikko, and that the reminder that I will mournfully regret not doing so is enough to prompt me to go against the grain when needed to give my child what he needs.

Welcome to the June Carnival of Breastfeeding: Nursing in public

This month we're bringing you posts on the topic of breastfeeding while out and about. Be sure to check out the links at the end for the masses of other participants' excellent posts!

*******

I'm a big fan of nursing in public. The reason is that babies nurse a lot, and eventually you're going to want to leave the house. There's absolutely nothing wrong with breastfeeding, because it's the normative way to feed your baby. But just because it's the biological norm doesn't make it the cultural one, which is why breastfeeding in public can take some getting used to, even for the boldest mamas among us.

That's why I've written several times about nursing in public before.

There's my post on NIP tips, easy and inexpensive ways to nurse discreetly while out and about. My basic tip, and one that's served me well, is to wear two shirts, preferably with stretchy necklines, then lift one up over the active breast (I just coined that term, and it's amusing me) and one down underneath the active breast (I needed to use it again, for fun), leaving just the right size opening for a latch.

There's my post about my failed attempt to use a nursing coverup. When my son was an infant, I tried casually draping a blanket over my shoulder on a boat tour, and the whipping wind just made me more conspicuous, like I had pinned a banner proclaiming "I'm bare-breasted over here!" to my shirt.

There was my recent run-in with a covered-up mother at the playground, who it turns out was bottle feeding. For some reason, that made me laugh.

Since my son is two years old and still nursing with the frequency of a newborn — ok, I might be exaggerating: let's say a four-month-old (I counted 16 times the other day) — I've also been thinking a lot about what it means to nurse in public with a toddler. Am I required to be more discreet, so as not to jeopardize breastfeeding's hard-won and fragile foothold in American parenting society? Or should I continue to be outwardly insouciant about the matter and let other people get over their hang-ups without any help from me?

It's further complicated, the older my son gets, by his increasing physical and verbal insistence. He has a sound for "nummies" now, which so far sounds nothing like any word people would recognize, almost like a dolphin cursing. But his little grabby paws pulling at my shirt are an unmistakable signal to anyone looking for evidence of a nursling.

But my husband and I have a phrase we use all the time that is so far the tack I've taken: "Procrastination pays off."

Ok, it's not much for a family motto, not the kind you'd want engraved on your coat of arms. But we've found that often, if we don't think too hard to try too keenly, things have a way of resolving themselves. So, for now, I'm just letting Mikko nurse when he wants to, wherever we are, and trusting that the rarity of a nursing toddler will partially protect him. People see what they expect to see, after all, and few people expect to see a large two-year-old latched on.

I'll illustrate this with a story and a tip, all in one.

My son is heavy. He's actually gotten a little lighter recently, as he's shooting up and slimming down, so he's at a fighting 34 and a half pounds. But, still, he can be a load to carry if you don't have both arms to do the lifting.

He can walk, and likes to about half the time, but the other half he still likes to be held. I don't, however, always have a wrap or sling with me anymore when we go out, because of his increased mobility. Invariably, there comes a time when we're running errands that he needs "shnhee shnhee" (that's the closest approximation I can get to what he's calling it), and I'm trying to walk somewhere or get some shopping done. I don't always feel like taking a break, and there often isn't anywhere convenient to sit. I'll admit that sometimes I've just plopped right down in an aisle on the floor, but usually I'm on a mission and don't want to abort.

So, here's my latest tip for nursing in public, particularly good for older babies and heavy babies. Hold your child on your hip. Pull your shirt and bra down from the top, and let the little sucker latch on. Continue walking casually.

That's it.

I know, it's not that exciting. And, really, you could do it a lot easier with a sling or wrap to assist you (both with weight and discretion) in a hip or front carry.



But what's so intriguing to me about this NIP technique is how discreet it is on its own. It goes back to what I was saying about people seeing what they expect to see.

A mama sitting on a bench, with a long-legged toddler cradled across her lap, pressed close to her bosom: Either he's unusually calm, or he's nursing. A mama walking through a store with a toddler on her hip whose head is down: No one thinks anything of it.

Here's my story to illustrate. I was walking through the mall with two good friends (single and without children so far), and these friends have known me since before Mikko was even a tiny bump in my belly. We've been meeting weekly throughout Mikko's life, and they've seen me nurse him at every single one of those get-togethers. I couldn't hide it from them if I wanted to, and why would I want to? So they know he still nurses like a champ, and they expect to see it at every meeting.

One of my friends looked at Mikko nursing away as we walked along and said, "Boy, he's really sleepy tonight, isn't he?"

I just laughed and asked when he had ever fallen asleep while we were out, and she realized in surprise that he was eating.

So there it is. Sometimes I get myself more worked up about what other people are seeing or thinking of me than I need to, and it helps me to remember (and here's another mantra I tell myself) that no one's as fascinated with you as you are. Most people are thinking just of themselves and not trying too hard to analyze what your kid's doing against your chest there. There will be a few kooks out there who will stare at every mama with a potential nursling, hoping to scold or shame, but thankfully I haven't run into any of them.

My best tip for nursing in public is just to do it. Just treat it as normal. Practice it a lot. Be casual and confident, continue your conversations, practice in the mirror beforehand if it helps reassure you that your child's head and body, and your own clothing, hide a lot.

Most of all, just concentrate on your sweet child, whether she's three months old or three years old, and know that you're giving her something she needs. Mama love.


*******

Please read the excellent posts from our other carnival participants:

Breastfeeding Mums: "Nursing in Public - What's a Breastfeeding Mother to Do!!"
Never a Dull Moment…: "Breastfeeding Hats? YES! Nursing Covers? Uh... Not So Much"
Breastfeeding Moms Unite!: "Nursing in Public: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-In's"
Tales of Life With a Girl on the Go: "Planes, trains and automobiles - we’ve breastfed in them all"
babyREADY: "A wee NIP in the park!!"
Mama Knows Breast: "Products that can Help You Breastfeed in Public"
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: "Get kicked off a bus for nursing in public? Here's how to respond."
Musings on Mamahood: "NIP, no tuck"
Blacktating: "Thank You for Nursing in Public"
Warm Hearts Happy Family: "Breastfeeding and the summertime"
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: "Why Worry About NIP?"
Stork Stories: "Little Old Men... & Nursing in Public"
Breastfeeding 1-2-3: "To Cover or Not to Cover"
Mommy News & Views Blog: "Breastfeeding In Public"
Tiny Grass: "Nursing in Public as an Immigrant"
Mother Mary's Soapbox: "June Carnival: Breastfeeding in Public: Breastfeeding Oriana"
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: "Nursing in Public: Chinatown, the Subway, the Vatican, and More"
MumUnplugged: "Aww, is he sleeping?"
GrudgeMom: "Nursing in a room full of people you know"
Kim Through the Looking Glass: "Here? At the restaurant?"
PhD in Parenting: "Would you, could you nurse in public?"
Dirty Diaper Laundry: "Breastfeeding in Public- Talents- I haz it"
Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby: "Nursing in Public (Boobs) Out and Proud"

Calling all lactivists and breastfeeding mamas! Here's your chance to support some important legislation that would protect nursing mothers in the workplace.

Angela White at Breastfeeding 1-2-3 sent out some information about the 2009 Breastfeeding Promotion Act (HR2819 / S1244).

The bill would bring breastfeeding mothers under the protection of the 1964 Civil Rights Act to protect breastfeeding women from being fired or discriminated against in the workplace, as well as require employers with over 50 employees to provide private space and unpaid time for mothers to pump during the workday, and establish tax incentives for employers that comply and tax credits for nursing mamas. It also sets quality standards for breast pumps.

Representative Carolyn Maloney and Senator Jeff Merkley introduced the bill in Congress June 11. If you're a U.S. reader, please lend your support to ensure that this legislation goes through.

     • Spread the word on your blogs, with your local breastfeeding groups, and with any U.S. lactivist friends.

     • Enter your name and address here to have the United States Breastfeeding Committee send emails to your representatives and senators asking them to cosponsor the bill. You can amend the email to make it more personal if you wish. For instance, here are the current state breastfeeding laws. You can find your ZIP+4 here. (By the way, you can see who is already cosponsoring the bill here by clicking "show cosponsors" — if your representative is listed, you can send a note of thanks and encouragement instead.)

     • Mail, fax, or email this letter to your representatives and senators.

     • Join this Facebook group to support the bill and spread the word.

Thanks for lending your support to breastfeeding mamas in the workforce!

I was tooling around Amazon looking for some fabulous cream that's supposed to tackle dry, cracked heels that has the unfortunate name of "Heel Stick," when I found these actual heel stick devices.

As those of us who have had a newborn and any run-in with established medical care know, a "heel stick" is a term for slicing open a newborn's foot to dribble out blood for tests.

(Hence, the unfortunate naming of the lotion I was referring to, because I don't think milking a newborn's chubby leg for blood is what we want to think of as we pamper our feet for sandal weather.)

We had numerous heel sticks with Mikko. We chose to have the standard newborn screening tests for genetic diseases, and we had very little choice at all (or so it seemed) in having our newborn tested for blood glucose several times over a twelve-hour period after he was born a healthy 11 pounds, 13 ounces. (Yes, he was fine, and so was I.)

The hospital didn't offer me this option, but for the second newborn screening test in my pediatrician's office, I was able to breastfeed Mikko throughout the bloodletting ordeal, and he didn't seem to even notice. I highly recommend giving it a try for any nursling medical procedures where it's possible.

Now, Mikko might have tough heels, but I was quite squeamish about the whole thing. His blood didn't exactly flow, so it was a long drawn out process, and I felt so bad that we were cutting up my infant's perfect little feet.

Think how much better I would have felt if my pediatrician had used these gender-coded heel stick devices! I would have butched up if she had pulled out the manly baby blue for my little guy, rather than using a boring old neutral. And I'm sure mamas of girls would appreciate the prettiness of the pastel pink coordinating with the deep red of the blood dotting the testing card.

Does anyone else think it's weird that we gender-type babies from the minute they arrive? Blue hats, pink blankets, baseball birth announcements and flower birth announcements, construction truck onesies and "I ♥ gossip" bibs, all before any preference is given.

But the matchy-matchy heel sticks have impressed even me.

Posted June 12, 2009
Last updated March 18, 2010

I've decided it's a good idea to post a disclosure policy outlining my blog's practices in regards to advertising, reviews, privacy, comments, and copyright. I'll include a permanent link to this policy on my front page and will update it as necessary.

Contact: Lauren Wayne, www.HoboMama.com, Mail AT HoboMama DOT com



CONTENT

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by Hobo Mama, aka Lauren Wayne. For questions about this blog, please leave a comment or contact me directly. I appreciate all communication, but I (sadly) don't always respond quickly or consistently, so if it's very important or urgent, please mark it as such or contact me again.

My posts reflect my own honest opinions and research on varied subjects, mostly to do with natural parenting (breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, continuum parenting, cloth diapers, elimination communication, child-led weaning, home birth, gentle discipline, unschooling, and the like). I am not what this culture considers an expert on any of these matters. I have, so far, one 2-year-old child, Mikko, who daily teaches me what I do not know. I reserve the right to be ignorant and ill-informed and to change my mind when such matters are pointed out to me. I reserve the right to accuse others of the same, but I try not to be mean to individuals. If I've hurt your feelings, I'm truly sorry. Sometimes when I write, I am far rantier and less gracious than I would be in real life. Please do not take my opinions as the only and final word on any matter. Cross-check with your own intuition, child(ren), co-parent(s), other family members, community, research, real-life experts, trustworthy books, and healthcare professionals as necessary.

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