Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.

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The birth of my second son was healing for me. It allowed me to birth on my own terms, as I'd tried to with the birth of my first. I was able to have a peaceful, unhindered water birth in a dim and quiet room, unattended by anyone but my partner.

Alrik born into his parents' arms

But even without the second birth to make things all better, I can still look back at my interrupted first birth — the one that lasted 42 hours and ended with hospital indignities — and sense the grandeur and euphoria of it as well.

Mikko born into an unfamiliar nurse-midwife's hands — but what an ecstatic experience all the same!

For one thing, I gave birth. I pushed an 11 pound, 13 ounce, baby with a huge head and nuchal arm out of my body — all under my own steam — without medication, and with only minor tearing. That was an accomplishment, and as someone's who's always had a tumultuous relationship with her own body and its modest potentials, I am proud of myself.

I lasted 42 hours of active labor without panicking … much. There were a few moments, but for the most part both Sam and I stayed calm and reassured by the baby's strong heartbeat and our acknowledgement of my own strength, my body's abilities, my mind's endurance.

Despite our rocky start in the hospital with breastfeeding and taking over parental autonomy from the nurses, I was able to breastfeed and sleep with my baby cuddled beside me even that first day and night — practices that, well, are still continuing!

And then here are some small, silly things. Ready? Be prepared for inanities. I've warned you.

My hospital room had this cool jacuzzi tub that you opened up a door and walked into, sat on a seat, started filling it with warm water, and then pulled a lever to tilt the whole thing back, and then it swirled with bubbles. It was awesome. Like a Back to the Future tub. I would love one of those installed at home, let me tell you.

I asked the nurses for more of those mesh panties and huuuuge pads to take home, and they totally supplied me. I loved how useful those things were.

I also got a swaddling blanket. Which we never really used (see above re: baby, size of). But it was kind of nice to get a parting gift, and not a booby trap at that.

The food was good. I know, right? I was surprised, too.

The nurses also supplied me with a couple days' worth of stool softeners, laxatives, and ibuprofen. I'm sure my insurance and I were paying for these few pills through the nose, but for whatever reason, it was so convenient to have them all in one place like that.

I could blow through sheets and chux pads and hospital gowns and not give a fig about the mess. Someone else did all the cleanup and the laundry.

It was nice having staff around to baby me.

All right, back to the heavier stuff: I have no idea if I'd have hemorrhaged if I'd been at home for the birth. But since I did, and since I'll never know if the hospital caused it, I'll just say that I'm glad I was with people who could take care of it, and that I didn't have to transfer post-birth.

Since Mikko was so huge, it was reassuring for all the worrywarts in our lives that he had his blood sugar check out normal, something that likely wouldn't have been tested at home.

I also appreciated how it prepared me for the next birth: It convinced us to just keep going, even when it felt rough.

It consoled me that when it felt most like too much, that there wasn't much time left till I met my baby.

It showed me, firsthand, that I could birth, and birth well. That my body was made for pushing out babies. And I don't say that as a boast or in jest; if my pelvis could fit a baby that big with nothing negative to show for it, then clearly there was little that could stump it!

It confirmed many things that I knew but had to experience for the power of that knowledge to sink in: that cervical checks are meaningless, that labor doesn't follow a neat progressive line, that the urge to push should be obeyed, and that it feels so much better than not pushing.

Similarly, it gave me the quest for information about what I could do differently the next birth, to have my dream of a homebirth realized, and to keep the postpartum period safe. At first I was too nervous to seek those answers, but once I did, it greatly calmed my fears for what could happen better the next time.

I don't want to think of Mikko's birth as a practice round for Alrik's, because it was beautiful in and of itself. But I do appreciate it for what it taught me, how it steeled my courage, and how it set me up for future homebirth success.



But most of all? When the birth was over, up onto my chest came a fat, wiggly, squalling baby. And five years later, I see that same baby transformed into a little boy, just as loud and wiggly, but with even more charisma!



I hate it when people dismiss women's birth stories by saying, "All that matters is a healthy baby and healthy mama," as if holding autonomy over our bodies was not also important. But when it comes down to it for myself, while it's not all that matters, having my healthy boy and a healthy me is pretty dang important. And I really am glad of of the outcome: Mikko, my darling son.

What was most beautiful and empowering to you about your birth experience(s)?

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn't what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma's Birth ... 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a "dream birth," but she wouldn't change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children's births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn't go 'to plan', and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children's births, and tries to do the same with her sons' birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences... — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist's point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares the strength she didn't realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama - embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father's View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband's advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn't end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that "perfect" birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct - Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura's Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.

• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that's one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn't need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she'd really be most comfortable when the time came...
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn't they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One - Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What's to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child's birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman's Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister's Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn't exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons' births.