Sleeping Child, a 1911 oil painting by Mary Richardson, courtesy freeparking on flickr (CC)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Since things are a bit busy around here with NaNoWriMo and ramped-up holiday sales, I had the idea that I could keep blogging in November and December if I changed up my style a bit. I usually end up writing posts with a bunch of references and links — it's not the writing itself that takes so long but all the compiling and fact checking.And before you say it for me, I'll freely admit that it's not like those other posts are perfect! I'm just saying I get bogged down writing them.
So, I had this thought that I could try a more personal, freehand style for some of my posts this month, and not do any research for them and very little linking. 'k?
Well, if not, you can go peruse the archives or wait till January...
I love reading some of the random lists other bloggers put on their sites, so here's mine for the day. [I am sitting on my hands to avoid finding links to said bloggers. Ok, not literally, or else I wouldn't be typing.] Some of mine are truly random, and some are tidbits of potential posts. I might expand them one day, or I might leave them be.
• Today Mikko insisted on going up a "bridge" he saw: a concrete ramp at an apartment building. It was wide and gradual, and I figured it was a wheelchair ramp. Until I got to the top and we found ourselves on a balcony with only stairs to choose from there forward. Was this the architect's form of "Ha ha, wheelchair users! Take that"? [P.S. We hung out on that ramp for 10 minutes. Lots of time to think about the architect's intentions.]
• My sister-in-law loves that she nannies for twins, because she can take every carpool lane in the city, even the ones for 3+ people. Do babies count as passengers? Sam thinks it should be people who would otherwise be driving their own cars, but regardless of the spirit of the law, what is the letter?
• Before Mikko was born, Sam and I had a two-year stint running a cat-sitting business. I wasn't some cat maniac or anything, but I liked them a lot and it was a pretty peaceful business (except around Thanksgiving and Christmas; we routinely choose awful businesses for holiday purposes). I was always dismayed at the parents we sat for who were very distant about their cats, having no toys for them and feeding them the cheapest food and wanting us to come over only every other day and saying things like, "Oh, I guess I could try to find their brushes...but then they'll just be spoiled and miss the attention when we get back." They would say that they just had no time for their cats now that they had children, and it made me sad for the cats. Then I had a baby, and it took probably six months or so before my beautiful cat (and she is empirically beautiful — this has been confirmed by multiple sources) looked anything other than wrong to me. She was so...furry! And...furry! Not all smooth and plump and adorable like my newborn. And, still, two years later, I fight not to be annoyed with her when she wants attention, as if I've given up all my touching and nurturing and there's none left over.
• I am ostensibly at a NaNoWriMo write-in at a coffee shop and am sitting at a table by myself working on my blog. I got here late and couldn't quite figure out what group might be the write-in. There was really only one possibility, but none of them were writing. They're all just chatting away, and I didn't want to look like a loser and break in.
• I said no links, and yet I specifically went looking for that write-in link up there in case you didn't know what a write-in was. Habits...
• I couldn't find a wireless signal when I first sat down here and I thought, How unusual but brilliant — a coffee shop without internet, so that you have to work! But then I changed tables, and there it is, strong and free. And so I've written 174 words on my novel instead of 1,667.
• I seriously adore my NaNoWriMo novel. It's making me giddy with pleasure. I went with a romance this year, and I can't wait to see how it turns out! Will they fall in love? Will they? Will they? [Answer: Yes! Yes! Yes!]
• The cashier at the coffee shop liked that my hoop earrings mirrored the circle pattern on my shirt. She said that's a mark in great artwork — repeating patterns. I, my friends, am Great Art.
• We unearthed all three of our swimsuits and all three swim towels and made a trek to the pool this weekend. We could have made do without those particular, chlorine-infused towels, but skinny dipping is against the rules — our pool has a sign up that specifically states: "This is a family facility. Please dress and act accordingly." I do try. There was one woman there who had a young baby, probably around six months or so, though I'm not the best judge. She held her [after the baby was dressed in pink, I determined it was a she] under the vigorous shower stream for a solid five minutes to rinse off the pool nastiness and generous helpings of the dispenser soap, and the water and suds went over the baby's face multiple times. No fussing, definitely no crying, just a mild squawk here and there. Then the mother wrapped the baby in a towel and laid her on the bench while the mother dressed herself, which took at least another five minutes. Again, the baby just lay there, content and silent. I was so befuddled I couldn't even be jealous. Mikko was never that quiet — never. He always hated the pool shower, even when I turned away so the stream didn't hit him full on. And then I always had to either (a) hold him while trying to get dressed or (b) listen to him scream after I'd laid him down and try not to let him thrash himself off the table. I used to feel like kind of a failure for not being "AP enough" or "Continuum enough" since I still had such an angry baby, but as time went on, I got over it and realized: That's just the way Mikko is. So, watching this woman and baby in the locker room, I started thinking, What if this woman runs a blog? And what if she posts to her blog tonight about how her baby's so laid-back and content because of the awesome way she parents?
• Enter to win a fleece mei tai. I can't stop promoting that sucker.
• A friend of mine in real life held a giveaway of an item she made. Since it's a private blog, eight of her friends entered, and she was racked by sadness that she could award only one person the win. I feel the exact same way about this baby carrier giveaway. Every single entrant seems so worthy and so lovely, and I feel bad in advance that nearly all of them will not win. It makes me want to raid JoAnn's for all their attractive fleece [hint: a few bolts at most — seriously, John Deere prints??] and make as many mei tais as I can.
• I'm in the middle of redesigning my site. Have been for months now. I was thinking of doing a vote for which of several choices was best but then realized — I might not agree, and then I'd either have to (a) ignore the voters or (b) live with the results. So I'm deciding in private... Stay tuned.
• Are you bored yet?
Back to noveling.
Lovely illustration courtesy mckenna71,
which I found by typing "random" into stock.xchng
which I found by typing "random" into stock.xchng
Friday, November 6, 2009
[ETA August 2010 into perpetuity: This post was written at a specific time, but it's still true, but for the time-sensitive details of NaNoWriMo and the extra giveaway entry. I am always appreciative of quality guest bloggers, so please contact me if you're interested!]
Hello, my writer friends!
Here's the deal: November I'm up to my ears in NaNoWriMo, and December I'll be up to my eyeballs in Christmas orders. (I really wanted to work a new term of "earballs" into that sentence but couldn't manage it.)
To keep fresh, quality content flowing, I am looking for any writerly souls who would like to add their spin on topics Hobo-related. Ok, more like Mama-related.
What's in it for everybody, you say? Glad you asked.
Guest bloggers receive:
• Exposure for their writing on the wildly popular HoboMama.com. (Yes, "wildly popular" — don't make me come over there and argue this point.) I really do have a lot of lovely readers, so you would be blessed to have them visiting you, too.
• The satisfaction of helping out someone else (awww...) and the implication that I would be willing to reciprocate in the future (when I'm not so busy!)
• A flattering bio and link to your own site, if you have one. (You don't have to have your own blog to be a guest blogger, fyi. That's actually a very good reason to guest blog.) You can cross-post a link to your guest post on the same day to set up some beneficial bouncing between our two sites and to make sure your readers as well have new content to enjoy that day.
• An extra entry into my Fleece Baby Carrier Giveaway Extravaganza! (Don't make me argue that it's an extravaganza, either. I would win.)
Readers receive:
• The pleasure of hearing a new voice with a different perspective on a parenting topic
• The opportunity to meet a new blogger and check out a new blog (if applicable)
And, last but not least (well, maybe):
I receive:
• A valuable post from a talented writer on a topic of interest to my readers (e.g., natural parenting, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, birth, elimination communication, cosleeping, etc.)
• A strengthened relationship with another lovely member of this here blogosphere
• A day off
Sound good for all involved? I thought so.
If you're interested, please shoot me (Lauren) an email: mail AT hobomama DOT com.
Send me these things three:
• A link to or copy of an article you've written that you feel captures the quality of your writing, so I have an idea of what I could expect. If I'm familiar with your blog (such as, I leave a bunch of comments there), feel free to skip this step.
• A general idea of what you're going to write about, including topic and slant. For instance, something like: "I'm going to write about the process of choosing a home birth midwife and how getting a good fit is essential to a positive home birth." That way, if you write something instead like "I want to talk about how best to capture monkeys in the wild using only the power of hypnosis," I will know to (politely) turn down your request.
• When you can have your post written. A deadline, yes, but a you-imposed one, so choose what works for you.
Who can apply:
Anyone! Well, all right, there are a few guidelines.
• The post needs to be in English. I don't care what kind of English, as long as it's readable. I reserve the right to edit submissions. I used to be a freelance editor, so don't worry — I know what I'm doing.
• You don't have to be a woman or a mother, as long as you realize that most of my readers are both and can write something relevant for that audience. You don't have to be a hobo, but it couldn't hurt to mention boxcars once in a while. [NB: Just kidding.]
• You can have a blog or not have a blog. If you have a small blog, this is a great way to get some new readers. If you have a large blog, this is a great opportunity to show you're not too cool to hang out with the likes of me. (Good for you.) If you have a medium blog, well, then, that's just right, isn't it?
• I reserve the right, but very sadly, to refuse submissions if they are from a site I can't endorse, on a topic that is not appropriate for my readers, or written in a substandard way. See the categories list in my sidebar for some ideas of suitable topics. I welcome you, however, to write about topics or perspectives I haven't covered but would be of interest to Hobo Mama's readers, since that would be an ideal broadening experience for a guest post.
• I also reserve the right to refuse submissions whose perspective is so wholly other than my own as to be conufsing and offensive when it appears on my site. While I respect the right of other parents to have alternate viewpoints, I don't wish to publish articles that advocate, for instance, spanking as a discipline tool or how formula feeding is "just as good" as breastfeeding. But, if your perspective is somewhat different from mine (and I get to decide how much is acceptable), that can be a valuable learning experience both for me and for my readers, and I would welcome that.
• I would appreciate it if the guest post is a new post that you're writing from scratch this month, not an article from your archives. If you want to link to relevant articles you've written before, though, link away!
I hope all that made sense and didn't intimidate anyone! I fully expect that most people who would want to guest post on my blog would be pretty kindred spirits and fab writers, so I'm not worried. If you have any questions at all, email me at the same address: mail AT hobomama DOT com
And, thank you in advance! My NaNo-ed fingers appreciate it.
Lauren
Hello, my writer friends!
Here's the deal: November I'm up to my ears in NaNoWriMo, and December I'll be up to my eyeballs in Christmas orders. (I really wanted to work a new term of "earballs" into that sentence but couldn't manage it.)To keep fresh, quality content flowing, I am looking for any writerly souls who would like to add their spin on topics Hobo-related. Ok, more like Mama-related.
What's in it for everybody, you say? Glad you asked.
Guest bloggers receive:
• Exposure for their writing on the wildly popular HoboMama.com. (Yes, "wildly popular" — don't make me come over there and argue this point.) I really do have a lot of lovely readers, so you would be blessed to have them visiting you, too.
• The satisfaction of helping out someone else (awww...) and the implication that I would be willing to reciprocate in the future (when I'm not so busy!)
• A flattering bio and link to your own site, if you have one. (You don't have to have your own blog to be a guest blogger, fyi. That's actually a very good reason to guest blog.) You can cross-post a link to your guest post on the same day to set up some beneficial bouncing between our two sites and to make sure your readers as well have new content to enjoy that day.
• An extra entry into my Fleece Baby Carrier Giveaway Extravaganza! (Don't make me argue that it's an extravaganza, either. I would win.)
Readers receive:
• The pleasure of hearing a new voice with a different perspective on a parenting topic
• The opportunity to meet a new blogger and check out a new blog (if applicable)
And, last but not least (well, maybe):
I receive:
• A valuable post from a talented writer on a topic of interest to my readers (e.g., natural parenting, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, birth, elimination communication, cosleeping, etc.)
• A strengthened relationship with another lovely member of this here blogosphere
• A day off
Sound good for all involved? I thought so.
If you're interested, please shoot me (Lauren) an email: mail AT hobomama DOT com.
Send me these things three:
• A link to or copy of an article you've written that you feel captures the quality of your writing, so I have an idea of what I could expect. If I'm familiar with your blog (such as, I leave a bunch of comments there), feel free to skip this step.
• A general idea of what you're going to write about, including topic and slant. For instance, something like: "I'm going to write about the process of choosing a home birth midwife and how getting a good fit is essential to a positive home birth." That way, if you write something instead like "I want to talk about how best to capture monkeys in the wild using only the power of hypnosis," I will know to (politely) turn down your request.
• When you can have your post written. A deadline, yes, but a you-imposed one, so choose what works for you.
Who can apply:
Anyone! Well, all right, there are a few guidelines.
• The post needs to be in English. I don't care what kind of English, as long as it's readable. I reserve the right to edit submissions. I used to be a freelance editor, so don't worry — I know what I'm doing.
• You don't have to be a woman or a mother, as long as you realize that most of my readers are both and can write something relevant for that audience. You don't have to be a hobo, but it couldn't hurt to mention boxcars once in a while. [NB: Just kidding.]
• You can have a blog or not have a blog. If you have a small blog, this is a great way to get some new readers. If you have a large blog, this is a great opportunity to show you're not too cool to hang out with the likes of me. (Good for you.) If you have a medium blog, well, then, that's just right, isn't it?
• I reserve the right, but very sadly, to refuse submissions if they are from a site I can't endorse, on a topic that is not appropriate for my readers, or written in a substandard way. See the categories list in my sidebar for some ideas of suitable topics. I welcome you, however, to write about topics or perspectives I haven't covered but would be of interest to Hobo Mama's readers, since that would be an ideal broadening experience for a guest post.
• I also reserve the right to refuse submissions whose perspective is so wholly other than my own as to be conufsing and offensive when it appears on my site. While I respect the right of other parents to have alternate viewpoints, I don't wish to publish articles that advocate, for instance, spanking as a discipline tool or how formula feeding is "just as good" as breastfeeding. But, if your perspective is somewhat different from mine (and I get to decide how much is acceptable), that can be a valuable learning experience both for me and for my readers, and I would welcome that.
• I would appreciate it if the guest post is a new post that you're writing from scratch this month, not an article from your archives. If you want to link to relevant articles you've written before, though, link away!
I hope all that made sense and didn't intimidate anyone! I fully expect that most people who would want to guest post on my blog would be pretty kindred spirits and fab writers, so I'm not worried. If you have any questions at all, email me at the same address: mail AT hobomama DOT com
And, thank you in advance! My NaNo-ed fingers appreciate it.
Lauren
Photo courtesy Umut Kemal on stock.xchng.
Bonus points if you can get your kid to write the post for you.
Bonus points if you can get your kid to write the post for you.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I thought I'd add another plug for my very first giveaway of a fleece mei tai baby carrier, since Cindy's disappointed that I haven't gotten more entries. :) (Hey, Cindy, it's just more of a chance for you to win!)Go to my link — "Giveaway of a mei tai carrier for babywearing!" — to view the complete contest rules and to enter.
It's easy: Just comment, Tweet, or link! Contest is open to anyone worldwide, and you can keep it for your own sweet baby (or future baby!) or give it as a baby gift!
And, remember, you can enter daily by Tweeting about the giveaway! You can use this text or craft your own: Wear your baby! Win a fleece mei tai baby carrier @Hobo_Mama http://bit.ly/T9QeR #babywearing Enter by 11/20
I also will give an entry for each blog post that mentions my giveaway.
I appreciate the bloggers who have linked to my contest or Tweeted for me. Visit these lovely bloggers to see their giveaway posts:
• Cindy of LIFE — Learning in a Family Environment fame — and again here with another great pitch!
• Neptune Baby — a very funny post!
• Abiding Quiver — thank you!
• And a special shout-out to jorjedatoy at Welcome to My Roller Coaster for explaining StumbleUpon and listing me on LiveJournal!
• The Raymonds gave me a mention here, and I love their tagline: "A Little Bit Crunchy, A Little Bit Outta Control"
• velocibadgergirl at Pardon the Egg Salad has a great idea to get loved ones to enter on her behalf!
• Amber Waves of Pain has titled her post "Great mei tai giveaway," which is probably just descriptive but sounds epic to my ears
• James and the Giant Moose even references my post on giveaways and enters a bunch herself — go, go, go, win, win, win!
• Welcome to My Roller Coaster made her own ring sling. Impressed? You should be.
• All Things Granola blogged about my giveaway after I entered her giveaway of a sleepy wrap. Go enter & wear your baby some more!
• Thank you to Etsy Giveaways and Handmade Giveaways for doing a special listing of my giveaway. Visit to find more great hand-crafted giveaway prizes!
If I've missed anybody who's blogged about the giveaway and wants a link, please let me know in the comments and I'll add you to my list here. [Updated: Nov. 17 & hope I caught them all so far!]
Now go and win! I wish I had a mei tai for everybody!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Lovely! And this counts as wordless, because I can't understand the words. Ha ha!
(Ok, for a translation of the super-cool text, click over to The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog. I saw this first on PhD in Parenting, so thanks for the heads up.)
P.S. I love how "mamá" (mother) and "mamar" (breastfeeding) are so similar and fluid in Spanish!
Monday, November 2, 2009
This post is a continuation of Hobo Mama's celebration of Attachment Parenting Month, October 2009. This article focuses on the eighth and final principle of attachment parenting: Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life (Balance).
It's fitting that today's topic is about balance. Note a few things:
• NaNoWriMo begins today, a month of frenzied writing in which I will try to cram 1,667 words a day of fiction into my already scheduled life.
• I have been posting series and a giveaway, hoping to attract and appeal to you lovely readers, and then those readers come, and they comment, and I am soooo behind in responding to all those luscious comments.
• Note that Attachment Parenting Month was October. Take a look at your calendar. What month is it? It is November. Enough said.
Today's topic, #8 of the attachment parenting principles and #7 of the Baby Bs, and the last for both, is most likely a challenge for us all:
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life (Balance)
I've been thinking about this topic a lot, and it comes up again and again on blogs I read, so I know it's a universal one. For instance, this recent post on Adventures in Babywearing titled "How I do it all." offered this truth:
"Answer: I don't.
"If I've got a good thing going in one area, it means there are probably a bunch of other things being severely neglected in another area."
I think that's the thing right there. We can't do it all — at least not simultaneously.
One time, I was feeling guilty about not getting to all the tasks I wanted to accomplish in my life. So, in an optimism of "this time scheduling's going to work for me!" (oh, foolish heart, to hope so readily when such dreams are dashed again and again...), I wrote out all of the things I wanted to do with my time. Mind you, this was before I had kids, so that wasn't even on the list.
I don't remember exactly what was on there, but I can guess at the gist. I'll give you a rundown of everything I want or need to do in my daily life right now, organized by category. You don't have to understand or even read it all; I just want you to take a look at the volume. Crack knuckles, deep breath, clear throat...OK:
WORK: Wrap packages to send to customers; answer customer service emails; go to post office to drop off packages and stand in line to pick up the ones that are clogging our PO box with pack slips; drive to stores to pick up packages we ordered for site-to-store pickup; wrap up inventory to send to the warehouse; drive to UPS to drop off inventory packages; list items for sale; tweak listings; process drop-ship orders; research new ways to streamline our business or make more money; download order reports and financial statements; update finances in business software; gather the rest of the information for the state audit (gag).
WRITING: Write 1,667 words a day of NaNoWriMo novel; finish third edit of previous NaNoWriMo novel; finish two-thirds-finished novel that I've been working on way too many years; write several blog posts each week; respond to comments; read other blogs; comment on other blogs; figure out the whole Twitter thing; finalize site redesign; update ads; respond to emails; start a carnival; join more carnivals; figure out somewhere to guest post; contact companies I love to beg for — I mean, coolly request giveaway products (because wouldn't that be fun??); write poetry more than once a year.
PERSONAL: Write thank-you notes for house-warming gifts from two months ago; finish writing and send letter to my prison penpal that I started two months ago and whom I haven't written for almost a year (I'm so grateful for his sake that he has other penpals besides me); respond to emails friends wrote me anywhere from one month to two years ago; send out mass email with new mailing address before Christmas letter season; mail in change of address to the state driver's license people (seriously, I have to do this by mail? What is this — 1950?); schedule portraits, but first decide whether to go with JC Penney again or find an expensive but fabulous real photographer; find a dentist (help!); take in seriously-overdue-for-an-oil-change, 12-year-old car so that it will keep running; send baby gifts for babies who are now three months old before they're three years old; upload overdue photos for the grandparents; find mysteriously missing battery charger for nice camera so we can stop taking crappy photos with our unreliable old camera; read library books instead of just checking them out repeatedly; clean the house; do the laundry; hang up all the clean laundry that's sitting on the floor of the closet; unpack all the many boxes that are still just stacked around (do we even need that stuff if we haven't used it yet?); sort through storage and then freecycle and craigslist and thrift shop and throw away; record the three new songs that Sam wrote; start sewing or knitting again; start thinking about Christmas presents; collect, practice, sing, play, and record another lullaby album for Mikko for Christmas (it's November and I haven't started this project — am I likely to meet this deadline?); start practicing the guitar and violin again; go on daily walks; go to ballet once a week; consider adding in other good-for-me exercise, such as weight lifting; go to Bible study twice a week; go to church — ohhhh, once a month or so; take Mikko somewhere fun like the library or aquarium most days instead of just hanging out at home now that it's getting colder and wetter outside; start volunteering at church again (you know, in my free time); and, gosh, I really should study the voter's pamphlet and mail in my ballot by Tuesday.
That is, unfortunately, not everything, but you get the idea.
There is no physical way to fit all that in to one day. It can't be done. Not in 24 hours, not even in one week. And certainly not if you include such little things as sleeping, eating, and goofing off (oh, how I love me some goofing off!), not to mention all the little time stealers, such as errands and commuting and brushing your teeth and, you know, parenting.
But seeing it all written down like that, that first time I did this exercise, actually made me feel better. Because I realized it was not all my fault, that it wasn't simply some inability on my part to schedule and prioritize and manage. It really was an impossible calculation to fit all the time that those activities take into one short day.
Once I knew that, I widened my time span. What must fit into a day usually solves itself. I needed to figure out what I could fit into a week, or a month, or even a year. In some cases, some tasks might come around only every few years. (Such as putting away laundry?)
And here's where I gained some wisdom, and I will impart it to you, for what it's worth. In my thirty-three years of life, here is one important thing I've learned:
Your life is a series of waves. One interest will peak, and you will ride on it for as long as needed. Then it will wane, and you can let it go as you ride the next.
By this I mean, take a little lesson from the unschooling crowd, who follow their children's interests wherever they lead. Your daughter might be obsessed with dinosaurs for six months to the exclusion of all else, and you just go with it; next week, she suddenly switches her focus to rollerskating and crochet, and away you go.
Allow yourself the same latitude to pick and choose, and to let go. If you want to write a novel, maybe write one this month (just sayin') and let everything else go to pot. If you need to focus on housekeeping, maybe let your hobbies slide as you become more intentional about dusting and canning for a time. If you want to blog and comment and become immersed in the virtual world for a month, and then take a time out for a couple after, I won't judge you for flitting.
I used to think it was somehow bad to get caught up in an activity for awhile and neglect the rest. Now I know that it's the only way that anything gets done at all, at least for me.
This is still something I struggle with, this guilt and pressure over what I think I should be getting done versus what I actually want to be doing at any given moment and in any given week, but I keep trying to let go of the outwardly imposed feelings of guilt and find my balance over the long haul. I may not look balanced if you see what I'm doing today, or this week, or this month, but over a span of years you can see what matters to me, and what I choose to devote my time to.
Writing this attachment parenting series has actually been kind of a strange experience, because every day I've been blogging and thinking about blogging and commenting on other people's blogs, because I'm already online, and I've felt like I've been in a fog of blogginess. I've taken a break here and there, such as for trick-or-treating, just to remind myself that I live in a real world and not just a virtual one.
This next month, I will enter a new immersion into the world of writing a novel. I will plot and plan and dream about characters and imagine dialogue while I pretend to listen to sermons at church and will have wonderful ideas just before I drift off to sleep that I will promise myself I will remember the next day, and of course I won't. And I just hope that, through it all, I will retain some sense of balance.
Well, if not this month, then maybe the next.
Here are some other articles that came to mind or came to light as I was writing this. Please feel free to add links to any you know or have written about this topic, because I think it always helps us feel less alone when we hear, as many times as we need to hear it, we are not alone in seeking balance. No one else is doing it all, either. At least, not all the time.
Cave Mother writes about "Paddling Furiously Beneath the Surface," about how the public face of the blogger (or mother) we see doesn't show the real and messy life underneath. "So what I am trying to say is that it is easy to look at other people and imagine that their lives are more enjoyable than your own, or that they are much better parents than you, or they are happier than you, or whatever other metric you use to measure your own self-worth. But I don't think it's true. I think other people look at you and think exactly the same thing."
Woowoo Mama in "hey matey, let loose your ship" writes about letting go, even about letting go. This sounded like me: "and it turns out that what i really think is that i have the potential to be a good mother but i don’t live up to it. it turns out that i think i have to get everything just so all the time and that i am in the habit of trying to think ahead of the game and be prepared for just in case." (Thank you to Mama-Om for directing me to the newest addition to my bloated Google Reader!)
Raising My Boychick writes an impassioned post titled "One foot, alone" about the difficulty in parenting alone while a co-parent works and juggling that with creativity, sleep, and sanity. "I’m not asking for much. A little time, spent solely on myself. A little intellectual outlet, thoughts beyond 'how do I tell him one more time not to kick the cat without kicking something myself?' A little purpose, a little art, a little craft, a little creation of my own, a little something to show for myself. My virtual, actual, I was here, scratched in the screen before me."
I know I've read other good ones on the same theme, but in the interests of balance and letting go, I am posting this and calling it a day. I still have 1,000+ words to write on my novel tonight, after all!
This post concludes Hobo Mama's celebration of Attachment Parenting Month, October 2009, considering I couldn't even fit it all in October!
See the introductory post for a listing at the end of all the articles in the series.
Thanks for reading along and responding, because I've learned from reading your comments. And happy attachment parenting to you all! (Can that really be something you wish on people? I say so. And you can wish it on back to me! Peaceful AP vibes floating your way...)
It's fitting that today's topic is about balance. Note a few things:
• NaNoWriMo begins today, a month of frenzied writing in which I will try to cram 1,667 words a day of fiction into my already scheduled life.
• I have been posting series and a giveaway, hoping to attract and appeal to you lovely readers, and then those readers come, and they comment, and I am soooo behind in responding to all those luscious comments.
• Note that Attachment Parenting Month was October. Take a look at your calendar. What month is it? It is November. Enough said.
Today's topic, #8 of the attachment parenting principles and #7 of the Baby Bs, and the last for both, is most likely a challenge for us all:
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life (Balance)
I've been thinking about this topic a lot, and it comes up again and again on blogs I read, so I know it's a universal one. For instance, this recent post on Adventures in Babywearing titled "How I do it all." offered this truth:
"Answer: I don't.
"If I've got a good thing going in one area, it means there are probably a bunch of other things being severely neglected in another area."
I think that's the thing right there. We can't do it all — at least not simultaneously.
One time, I was feeling guilty about not getting to all the tasks I wanted to accomplish in my life. So, in an optimism of "this time scheduling's going to work for me!" (oh, foolish heart, to hope so readily when such dreams are dashed again and again...), I wrote out all of the things I wanted to do with my time. Mind you, this was before I had kids, so that wasn't even on the list.
I don't remember exactly what was on there, but I can guess at the gist. I'll give you a rundown of everything I want or need to do in my daily life right now, organized by category. You don't have to understand or even read it all; I just want you to take a look at the volume. Crack knuckles, deep breath, clear throat...OK:
WORK: Wrap packages to send to customers; answer customer service emails; go to post office to drop off packages and stand in line to pick up the ones that are clogging our PO box with pack slips; drive to stores to pick up packages we ordered for site-to-store pickup; wrap up inventory to send to the warehouse; drive to UPS to drop off inventory packages; list items for sale; tweak listings; process drop-ship orders; research new ways to streamline our business or make more money; download order reports and financial statements; update finances in business software; gather the rest of the information for the state audit (gag).
WRITING: Write 1,667 words a day of NaNoWriMo novel; finish third edit of previous NaNoWriMo novel; finish two-thirds-finished novel that I've been working on way too many years; write several blog posts each week; respond to comments; read other blogs; comment on other blogs; figure out the whole Twitter thing; finalize site redesign; update ads; respond to emails; start a carnival; join more carnivals; figure out somewhere to guest post; contact companies I love to beg for — I mean, coolly request giveaway products (because wouldn't that be fun??); write poetry more than once a year.
PERSONAL: Write thank-you notes for house-warming gifts from two months ago; finish writing and send letter to my prison penpal that I started two months ago and whom I haven't written for almost a year (I'm so grateful for his sake that he has other penpals besides me); respond to emails friends wrote me anywhere from one month to two years ago; send out mass email with new mailing address before Christmas letter season; mail in change of address to the state driver's license people (seriously, I have to do this by mail? What is this — 1950?); schedule portraits, but first decide whether to go with JC Penney again or find an expensive but fabulous real photographer; find a dentist (help!); take in seriously-overdue-for-an-oil-change, 12-year-old car so that it will keep running; send baby gifts for babies who are now three months old before they're three years old; upload overdue photos for the grandparents; find mysteriously missing battery charger for nice camera so we can stop taking crappy photos with our unreliable old camera; read library books instead of just checking them out repeatedly; clean the house; do the laundry; hang up all the clean laundry that's sitting on the floor of the closet; unpack all the many boxes that are still just stacked around (do we even need that stuff if we haven't used it yet?); sort through storage and then freecycle and craigslist and thrift shop and throw away; record the three new songs that Sam wrote; start sewing or knitting again; start thinking about Christmas presents; collect, practice, sing, play, and record another lullaby album for Mikko for Christmas (it's November and I haven't started this project — am I likely to meet this deadline?); start practicing the guitar and violin again; go on daily walks; go to ballet once a week; consider adding in other good-for-me exercise, such as weight lifting; go to Bible study twice a week; go to church — ohhhh, once a month or so; take Mikko somewhere fun like the library or aquarium most days instead of just hanging out at home now that it's getting colder and wetter outside; start volunteering at church again (you know, in my free time); and, gosh, I really should study the voter's pamphlet and mail in my ballot by Tuesday.
That is, unfortunately, not everything, but you get the idea.
There is no physical way to fit all that in to one day. It can't be done. Not in 24 hours, not even in one week. And certainly not if you include such little things as sleeping, eating, and goofing off (oh, how I love me some goofing off!), not to mention all the little time stealers, such as errands and commuting and brushing your teeth and, you know, parenting.
But seeing it all written down like that, that first time I did this exercise, actually made me feel better. Because I realized it was not all my fault, that it wasn't simply some inability on my part to schedule and prioritize and manage. It really was an impossible calculation to fit all the time that those activities take into one short day.
Once I knew that, I widened my time span. What must fit into a day usually solves itself. I needed to figure out what I could fit into a week, or a month, or even a year. In some cases, some tasks might come around only every few years. (Such as putting away laundry?)
And here's where I gained some wisdom, and I will impart it to you, for what it's worth. In my thirty-three years of life, here is one important thing I've learned:
Your life is a series of waves. One interest will peak, and you will ride on it for as long as needed. Then it will wane, and you can let it go as you ride the next.
By this I mean, take a little lesson from the unschooling crowd, who follow their children's interests wherever they lead. Your daughter might be obsessed with dinosaurs for six months to the exclusion of all else, and you just go with it; next week, she suddenly switches her focus to rollerskating and crochet, and away you go.
Allow yourself the same latitude to pick and choose, and to let go. If you want to write a novel, maybe write one this month (just sayin') and let everything else go to pot. If you need to focus on housekeeping, maybe let your hobbies slide as you become more intentional about dusting and canning for a time. If you want to blog and comment and become immersed in the virtual world for a month, and then take a time out for a couple after, I won't judge you for flitting.
I used to think it was somehow bad to get caught up in an activity for awhile and neglect the rest. Now I know that it's the only way that anything gets done at all, at least for me.
This is still something I struggle with, this guilt and pressure over what I think I should be getting done versus what I actually want to be doing at any given moment and in any given week, but I keep trying to let go of the outwardly imposed feelings of guilt and find my balance over the long haul. I may not look balanced if you see what I'm doing today, or this week, or this month, but over a span of years you can see what matters to me, and what I choose to devote my time to.
Writing this attachment parenting series has actually been kind of a strange experience, because every day I've been blogging and thinking about blogging and commenting on other people's blogs, because I'm already online, and I've felt like I've been in a fog of blogginess. I've taken a break here and there, such as for trick-or-treating, just to remind myself that I live in a real world and not just a virtual one.
This next month, I will enter a new immersion into the world of writing a novel. I will plot and plan and dream about characters and imagine dialogue while I pretend to listen to sermons at church and will have wonderful ideas just before I drift off to sleep that I will promise myself I will remember the next day, and of course I won't. And I just hope that, through it all, I will retain some sense of balance.
Well, if not this month, then maybe the next.
Here are some other articles that came to mind or came to light as I was writing this. Please feel free to add links to any you know or have written about this topic, because I think it always helps us feel less alone when we hear, as many times as we need to hear it, we are not alone in seeking balance. No one else is doing it all, either. At least, not all the time.
Cave Mother writes about "Paddling Furiously Beneath the Surface," about how the public face of the blogger (or mother) we see doesn't show the real and messy life underneath. "So what I am trying to say is that it is easy to look at other people and imagine that their lives are more enjoyable than your own, or that they are much better parents than you, or they are happier than you, or whatever other metric you use to measure your own self-worth. But I don't think it's true. I think other people look at you and think exactly the same thing."
Woowoo Mama in "hey matey, let loose your ship" writes about letting go, even about letting go. This sounded like me: "and it turns out that what i really think is that i have the potential to be a good mother but i don’t live up to it. it turns out that i think i have to get everything just so all the time and that i am in the habit of trying to think ahead of the game and be prepared for just in case." (Thank you to Mama-Om for directing me to the newest addition to my bloated Google Reader!)
Raising My Boychick writes an impassioned post titled "One foot, alone" about the difficulty in parenting alone while a co-parent works and juggling that with creativity, sleep, and sanity. "I’m not asking for much. A little time, spent solely on myself. A little intellectual outlet, thoughts beyond 'how do I tell him one more time not to kick the cat without kicking something myself?' A little purpose, a little art, a little craft, a little creation of my own, a little something to show for myself. My virtual, actual, I was here, scratched in the screen before me."
I know I've read other good ones on the same theme, but in the interests of balance and letting go, I am posting this and calling it a day. I still have 1,000+ words to write on my novel tonight, after all!
This post concludes Hobo Mama's celebration of Attachment Parenting Month, October 2009, considering I couldn't even fit it all in October! See the introductory post for a listing at the end of all the articles in the series.
Thanks for reading along and responding, because I've learned from reading your comments. And happy attachment parenting to you all! (Can that really be something you wish on people? I say so. And you can wish it on back to me! Peaceful AP vibes floating your way...)
Photo courtesy Cheryl Empey on stock.xchng
I'm Lauren Wayne, writer and natural parent. I embrace attached parenting with an emphasis toward green living. 
