Saturday, October 15, 2016

The best photo of the kids

We went to JC Penney for our annual family portraits.

It gets hairier the more kids we have,
because we have so many occasions to shoehorn in.

In the fall, we have to manage
the older kids' "school" photos
(I don't think even homeschool kids should be exempt
from an awkwardly smiling yearly head-and-shoulders shot)
and the youngest child's commemoration of turning another year old.

We also about this time start thinking
we could really use another portrait
of all five of us.

So many frames.

Add in the fact that my kids are
at posing for photos.
They don't seem to know you're supposed to look toward the lens.
They are incapable of arranging their bodies as instructed.
They don't know how to order their muscles into a smile.
They just have no earthly idea.
Coaching, showing them a mirror, trying to get them to giggle
— no dice.

I actually enjoy cataloging their awful smiles
and know they'll have a laugh looking back at them someday.

Anyway, we broke our portrait session into two this time,
so we didn't have to manage ALL those poses in one meager day.

This meant, too, that if something went awry in one session,
we had the next session to try, try again.

Enter: The photo of all three brothers together.

Getting three kids to look at a camera and look pleasant,
all at the same time,
is a pip, my friends.

And I didn't know, when reviewing the captures of the day,
whether we'd miraculously get anything better the next time.

So I chose this.

Are you ready?

You're really ready?

I paid cash money for this treasure, my people.

Real, actual munz.

I transferred my hard-earned carrots to the good folks at JC Penney
in exchange for having a printout of this fine film representation
to hang in my home.

Because, and let me assure you,
it was the best of the roll.

Let that sink in,
and feel the defeat that swamped my courageous heart that day.

Do you want some proof?

Here, Alrik is doing the classic face
"Trying to Suppress a Fart."

And here Alrik is playing the part of
Creepy Groundskeeper in the Woods Who Sneaks Up Behind You
While You're Taking Pictures.

Lest you think I'm picking on only one child:

What? I'm not going to lay eggs in your chest.
Why would you think so?

We did get some decent ones, though.

My kindergarten cutie.

Fourth grade!

They look like school photos, and that's the point.

This guy's turning 2 this month!

Karsten does
not like getting photos taken.

I had to sit on the floor, and he sat on my outstretched legs.
Very Victorian!

When we came back for all five of us,
we managed this:

And a redemption of the all-brothers photo:


Though this is still Mikko's favorite:

Well, of course.


Inder-ific said...

Okay, this is SO GOOD. I'm wiping away tears of laughter here. PERFECT SCHOOL PHOTOS. Oh my goodness. Creepy groundskeeper Alrik. Ahhhhhhh ...

Lauren Wayne said...

@Inder-ific: Glad you enjoyed! :D :D They made me laugh so hard when I went to pick them up.

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