If you're in a situation where you can't watch a video (nak much?), here are some choice quotes:
They're the worst roommates. If you had a roommate that did one of the things a newborn did, you'd be like, "You're moving out." You can't even reason with a baby, […] like, "What the hell was going on last night? You were hitting the bottle pretty hard. You started screaming, and you threw up on me. Then you passed out and wet yourself. I went in the other room to get you some dry clothes; I come back, and you're all over my wife's breasts. You gotta move out, man."
That's my actual newborn there, Wyatt Urp. Nana caught that action shot.
Need more parenting humor today? I've got you covered. Here's Jim Gaffigan's channel. He's a father of five, so there's lots of goodness therein: