Comments on Hobo Mama: Happy Attachment Parenting Month: Here's how I cam...

Molly: I meant to write a little pep talk f...

2009-11-04T15:30:51.766-08:00

Molly: I meant to write a little pep talk for you but then forgot where you'd posted this. I'm so sad for your sisters' kids! I hate listening to the CIO screaming, too, when I used to babysit for my own brother or other people who used it. I'm glad Eden had someone to snuggle her down and that we're breaking the cycle in our own families.

jorjedatoy: Yes! The science behind it is also convincing. It's funny that it's come full circle that research is just now discovering that what mothers instinctively did for centuries was — duh! — protective of their infants. Sometimes it takes awhile to get back around to the beginning!

Olivia: Cool that your husband got to see attachment-like parenting firsthand and so was on board with it. I love that idea of passing on the culture here, too, as much as I can within my own little circle.

I am visiting my sisters right now and they both l...

2009-10-30T09:05:29.679-07:00

I am visiting my sisters right now and they both let their kids CIO. Last night my little Eden woke up around 11 for her nighttime feeding like she always does and I ran upstairs for a 10 minute cuddle nursing and we had to lie there together listening to everyone else screaming themselves to sleep. It was so hard! I don't say anything because my sisters are doing what they feel is best for their kids and I don't feel it's my place to intervene. But it's hard. Their kids cried for 40+ minutes before they fell asleep and Eden was asleep in 10.

*sigh*

I thought I'd post here for a little pep talk. :)

I first heard of AP by running into it while searc...

2009-10-30T07:23:31.503-07:00

I first heard of AP by running into it while searching for slings. At first, I hated the label (I also balked at the term babywearing, but now I find myself using it).

I didn't do much reading on AP, and I didn't set out to do attachment parenting per se, but I liked the idea of co-sleeping and using a sling. Well, it wasn't long after my daughter was born that I read about AP again and realized I was following the principles pretty closely. And my husband has been on board because of how women mother in Nigeria, where he is from (lots of babywearing, co-sleeping and breastfeeding).

I have since learned that my mother followed some of the principles instinctually with me, but when my sister was born, family influences pressered her to let my sis CIO.

The ideas behind AP are simply what feel natural t...

2009-10-22T19:55:29.919-07:00

The ideas behind AP are simply what feel natural to me. That said, I remember being reinforced by something my husband heard on NPR - it was a study that found co-sleeping helped reduce the risk of SIDS. The idea was that if the baby did stop breathing, the mother's own breathing would sort of cue the baby to breathe.

I am almost at the end of my 6 week maternity leave and I am so dreading leaving my baby for 4 hours at a time (I'll be rushing home on lunch breaks!). I worry I'll be an absolute basket case without her! Thankfully, Daddy will be home with her, tending to her needs while I'm at work.

I knew your responses would be interesting! So,
2009-10-22T16:03:10.725-07:00
I knew your responses would be interesting! So, Molly arrived at attachment parenting by default and despite her firm resistance to the label (I hear you!), and Cave Mother did it naturally and then found out some people had given it a name. And Cypress Sun researched after seeing another mother try an extreme form of attachment-esque parenting.

On that note, I've read The Continuum Concept, too, and at first had that same reaction of (this was several months into my baby's life), Oh, gosh, I have to hold him ALL.THE.TIME or he'll be RUINED. And then I joined the Continuum Forum and heard some more reasonable voices that filtered the book a bit, and I relaxed. (Good thing, since, as I said, Mikko was older and therefore already ruined otherwise!!)

I keep wondering how or if I would have come to attachment parenting if I hadn't happened across that Sears book. I don't think I would have to the same degree if I'd had children younger (I'm in my 30s), because waiting gave me some extra time to research and consider different paths. (I'm not suggesting younger moms don't do the same, just that I hadn't!) I like to think I would have come to an AP style regardless, just because it felt so wrong to me to hear a baby cry (my younger brother, for instance) and not pick him up and comfort him, and I knew from seeing my mother breastfeed that I was definitely going to give that a try. Who knows!

Anyway, thanks for your responses! I'm going to write some more on the topic, now that I've gotten going.

I think my arrival at AP was all about ot wanting ...

2009-10-22T07:47:55.935-07:00

I think my arrival at AP was all about ot wanting to leave my baby to cry. And the only way to avoid this as to carry her everywhere and sleep with her (just as generations of parents have done before me). I had no idea it was called "attachment parenting" until months later. In fact I was extremely relieved that other people had come to the same conclusions about babycare as I had.

I also came across an old book in a dusty bookstor...

2009-10-21T10:35:17.774-07:00

I also came across an old book in a dusty bookstore - The Continuum Concept. I never read the book...but gave it to a friend 8 years ago when she had her first child. She became the most extreme attachment parent prototype I've ever witnessed! (I don't know how much the book had to do with that, but she would not put her child down for anything (not even to go to the bathroom). Her child would bite and scratch to get out of her bed, but she wouldn't let him... Anyway...this is a strange, I know, but her parenting style led me to research what might make sense to me. Attachment parenting it was, not because it is "best", etc. But because, intuitively, it feels right for me. I also keep in mind something that Sears says in The Baby Book about being flexible enough to see what is working best for your family. I found that book incredibly helpful in the first few months when everyone was encouraging me to let my "high needs" (yes, they called him that) baby CIO.

I'll just start out by saying that I hate labe...

2009-10-20T22:25:33.634-07:00

I'll just start out by saying that I hate labels, so as soon as I ran across the title "attachment parenting" I discarded it out of principle. However, ever since the birth of my daughter (she's 14 mo's now) I've spent hours online researching all things related to this wonderful, amazing, scary, thrilling, unknown universe of being a mommy.

My husband and I fiercely hold the belief that you should never let a baby cry. (Now that Eden is older, she will sometimes need to cry, when she's upset or tired or frustrated. When that happens I just hold her and be near her until she calms down...but, I don't have to explain myself here; you know what I mean by never letting a baby cry.) So chalk one up to attachment parenting there.

I also work full time, and was fortunate to be able to take almost 4 months off of work, but because I knew I was going to have to go back to work I cocooned myself up with Eden during those precious first few weeks at home and rarely put her down. We affectionately refer to our Moby Wrap as the "wrappy-wrap" and Eden has grown into a confident (albeit shy & watchful) expressive toddler. Score two for AP.

And I can't begin to say enough about the benefits of sleeping together, especially since we are apart so much during the day (she's with her dad or her grandma when she is not with me, but the three of us are not often together all at once). Landing in bed together for the precious nighttime hours has contributed more toward keeping our new little family unit intact than anything else I can think of. We cuddle, we nurse, we sleep, and it's perfect for us. (AP x 3 if you're still counting.)

The more I find out about AP the more I must admit that it's what I find natural and what we think is best for our baby. Right now we're leaning toward just having one, but if we do have another one I would do everything exactlly the same, except I wouldn't be second-guessing myself about it, and I would try to take 6 months off work instead of 4.

Thanks for all your posts, Hobomama! You are a constant encouragement to me.