Comments on Hobo Mama: AP Principle #5: How to have sex when you're cosle...

I think that's pretty much our conclusion too....

2011-03-29T21:43:34.109-07:00

I think that's pretty much our conclusion too... It ain't easy!
I really appreciate how well you write about this. I'll pass it along to my husband. We still haven't found our rhythm (nearly 4 years later).
I do love my little bundle in the bed with me though.
She does want her own bed in some ways and we've set up her special place. We're hoping she'll get into it just to fall asleep in there maybe and then we'll bring her back with us when we go to sleep (or when we're finished being alone!)

Just one more random thing to say: I hate that Blo...

2009-11-22T02:50:46.015-08:00

Just one more random thing to say: I hate that Blogger weirded up the URL. I didn't notice until it had already been tweeted, so I didn't want to fix it and break the links.

Is it bothering anyone else? Everybody say no, so I can sleep easy...

Lisa: The beginning of your comment made me...

2009-11-22T02:47:14.105-08:00

Lisa: The beginning of your comment made me snort out loud! It's just so nice and honest and true. I also think we wouldn't have so much more sex if we didn't cosleep, b/c there are still all the baby issues.

Rambling Rachel: Love your comeback! Going to steal it.

Ruth: Your ex makes me so sad for you, and the baby, too. Like you said, cosleeping usually has little to do with any changes/problems in sex, but it's an easy thing to blame.

Global Mamas: That does sound tricky! How was your holiday? (You don't have to answer that! :)

Everyone: I really do need/want to write that article on post-baby sex. It's been swirling in my brain.

Honestly, I'm glad sex isn't so convenient...

2009-11-21T21:43:21.586-08:00

Honestly, I'm glad sex isn't so convenient anymore. It was getting boring. Now it's more exciting, even though it isn't very often (though the not-very-often part has more to do with me feeling touched-out and being distracted easily than it does with co-sleeping). I think we might do it more if we didn't co-sleep, but not much more. And even when the baby is sleeping in another room, I have the monitor on full blast right next to us, in case he wakes up. I'm paranoid he'll wake up and cry when we're in the middle of it. I've been much more relaxed when we are in the same room as our sleeping baby.

When someone says something about co-sleeping maki...

2009-10-31T08:38:27.792-07:00

When someone says something about co-sleeping making sex impossible, it's easy to shut someone up by asking, "Who wants to have sex in a bed? How boring!"

My ex husband blamed our lack of a sex life on cos...

2009-10-31T00:14:47.527-07:00

My ex husband blamed our lack of a sex life on cosleeping. And then, when he sent the baby to his Mum's house overnight a few times (waaaaay before I was ready to be separated from him, and while he was still exclusively breastfed, which meant lots of expressing) we still didn't have sex. (Un)surprisingly enough, it wasn't to do with the cosleeping at all.

Personally, I don't have a problem with sex in the same bed as a cosleeping baby/toddler; I don't see what is wrong about it. But if you want to make some noise or cause a rumpus, you risk baby-interruptus which really is a passion killer.

I totally agree that pre and post parenting sex differ much more than cosleeping/non cosleeping sex.

This is a fabulous (and entertaining) article. It...

2009-10-30T23:15:18.983-07:00

This is a fabulous (and entertaining) article. It lets lots of new parents know that they're not alone in dealing with sexual issues after a newborn. Those babies certainly change our lives on so many levels.

Love this post. "What about sex?" was on...

2009-10-30T12:31:38.638-07:00

Love this post. "What about sex?" was one of my first questions when I found out a friend was bedsharing with her new baby. So far my husband and I have been making use of the spare bedroom and afternoon quickies.

Can't wait for you to post on pre and post-parenting sex. Aside from the somewhat common low sex drive, I've been struggling with how I don't see my body as "for sex" anymore.

I co-sleep, and I am just not able to swing sex in...

2009-10-30T12:07:58.064-07:00

I co-sleep, and I am just not able to swing sex in the same room as the baby. If it works for you, great, but for me it's squidgy and mood-ruining. So, we don't do that.

Having said that, my experience is that co-sleeping has less effect on our love life than just having kids overall. The biggest damper is definitely our 4-year-old with a penchant for waking up at exactly the wrong moment & getting out of bed, and she doesn't even co-sleep anymore. Let's face it, kids are not exactly conducive to parental freedom in any context. Which is OK and understandable. But co-sleeping or not doesn't do much to change that.

Great article! This is a tough one for us as we ha...

2009-10-30T02:53:46.536-07:00

Great article! This is a tough one for us as we have (at the moment) two 19 year olds living with us, so even though we have a huge house there is always someone in each and every space...that only leaves the bed and now our little one is 14 months old, things are getting tricky!
The bright side is that we are off on a holiday in a few weeks and then the others are leaving for a while so we might have some fun finally!!

jorjedatoy: Thank you for a great option! T...

2009-10-30T01:21:50.162-07:00

jorjedatoy: Thank you for a great option! The side-carred smaller bed can work out so nicely if the heights line up like that. I love the image of pausing and holding your breath — been there!!

Arwyn: You know, it's so funny. I'd been working on this article for 2 days and finally was just like: Gotta go somewhere, post, let it go, and I was driving in the car on my way out about a half-hour after when I suddenly got this chill through me of: Oh, my gosh, someone's going to think I'm a perv that we had sex in the same bed (or even the same room!) as our son. I had already worked through this myself by reading stories such as yours, of other parents who don't think it's weird, and so I stopped feeling shame about it. But then I forgot that not everyone has had that epiphany. ;) Anyway, as far as having sex in the same bed as a little one goes, I think much depends on the rousing proclivities of the baby. That story where Mikko woke up and laughed? I think it actually happened more than once before we called it quits! Thanks for the RT, btw.

I like this article. Too often, the only response ...

2009-10-30T00:19:35.900-07:00

I like this article. Too often, the only response to "But what about sex?" is "Bed's not the only place!" Which is great, as far as it goes, but for about the first two years, the only place we had sex WAS in our bed -- yes, with the Boychick next to us. (We have a king-size foam mattress, and don't have to deal with much in the way of dipping or bouncing.)

And most articles I've read (and posts on forums) make that seem either weird, impractical, abusive, or boring. None of which we found it to be.

Other people aren't comfortable with sex in bed with their kid, and I don't have a problem with that. I just wish others didn't have a problem with my comfort level.

Anyway. You wrote a great article on sex and co-sleeping without dinging my defensiveness. So thank you. :)

With my last child (11 years ago), I started out w...

2009-10-29T20:38:58.169-07:00

With my last child (11 years ago), I started out with a toddler safety rail on our queen size mattress which sat on box springs on the floor - no bed frame. We then got a toddler bed which, as it turns out, was the same exact height as our bed! So, I took off the rail closest to our bed and we pinned the toddler bed between the wall and our bed. This left our daughter close to me and I was able to roll my upper body into her bed to nurse in the night conveniently and roll back into our own bed to sleep more deeply.

This made sex very convenient as well! I can recall occasions of having sex in our bed and pausing, holding our breath, when our baby would stir. lol

Now with a new infant (and a new mate), I'm starting out the same way. We have a queen set on the floor with a toddler safety rail. I want eventually to get either a toddler bed or perhaps just a twin set to put next to our bed that will move with the baby into her own room when we're ready.