Comments on Hobo Mama: Feeding with respect: Stopping when they're full

I totally agree with your post and love the photos...

2011-01-28T09:29:13.419-08:00

I totally agree with your post and love the photos of your boy. However I, like your friend, had a slim baby despite feeding on demand about every two hours. This was fine with me but didn't go down well with my mother who has a huge complex about food stemming from her own childhood when she was neglected and malnourished. She truly believed that I was starving my own baby. Instead of offering her support, she instilled her fears on to me making me doubt not just feeding my son but all aspects of my parenting. This was hard for my young, fragile mind to cope with not to mention that I was doing it on my own after my husband left when I was pregnant.
I could go on but just want to say please don't judge your friend for her anxieties. I understand that by writing about it you are helping to change parents bad attitudes towards food which is ace but just remember that everyone has their own reasons.

I just have to say that those rolls are amazing :)...

2010-09-23T08:46:08.572-07:00

I just have to say that those rolls are amazing :) _I thought my guy was big at 10'11"...you go, Mama!

One thing though - if your child seems to be cravi...

2010-06-02T23:29:18.692-07:00

One thing though - if your child seems to be craving a food incessantly - wants it all the time - s/he might have a food allergy towards it. This is especially true of cow's milk - wants 4 or more glasses daily, or of wheat - wants bread, cereal, pastas all the time. These should be red flags, and be referred to at your next doctor's visit. A simple Ig Elisa food allergy blood test (they draw a little blood, and then test the blood) can usually determine most of the common food allergies.

Thanks - this is very timely for me. My 14month ol...

2010-05-28T18:13:59.090-07:00

Thanks - this is very timely for me. My 14month old is pushing all the growth charts and is eating every 2 hours... pretty much anything I give her. I don't normally worry, but lately I've been hearing a lot of "wow, she eats A LOT!"... and since she is my first I started to question myself, but you are absolutely right - I need to just let it be.

I wavered on whether to offer purees or do baby-le...

2010-03-18T12:28:17.044-07:00

I wavered on whether to offer purees or do baby-led weaning, so I did a little of both in the beginning. He quickly bored of the purees and wanted real food and to feed himself. He's always enjoyed a healthy variety, and he goes through phases of what he prefers. He's never eaten very much, and is on the small side, but is very energetic, bright, and healthy.

I was just like the little girl you described in your article. I was skinny and my mom thought I should be eating more. At five years old, I was being spoon-fed. That's humiliating. I also had to sit at the table till I cleared my plate, which meant I had to sit there all by myself while my siblings went off and played. Sometimes I wasn't hungry, and sometimes the food just made me want to gag. I felt like I was being punished. Dessert was only available to those who finished their dinner, so I tried really hard. To this day, I still feel like I need to clear my plate, even when I'm full, and I try hard to override that training.

I saw this the other day and wanted to finish read...

2010-03-18T08:48:50.553-07:00

I saw this the other day and wanted to finish reading and comment, but I must've been late somewhere. The skinny little girl you describe reminds me so much of my daughter Suzi, who is just Mikko's age. I don't threaten her with punishment for not eating, but I do insist that she eat an actual meal before dessert--and I can see how this might backfire/not work. What I really want to do is go shopping and buy only healthy, minimally processed fresh items. Anything like cookies and candy I want to banish to a high cabinet to be pulled out when Suzi goes to bed or as an occasional surprise, because if she can't see it, she will usually forget it's there. This way, like you said, Suzi can pick whatever she wants to eat in the house and it's bound to be something good for her. We just joined a local food co-op and have found a couple of good things she likes, such as quinoa pasta and wild rice. I so wish I had encouraged her to keep breastfeeding through my pregnancy with Ivey!

I have some bad memories of my own childhood re: eating, so I can say from experience that coercion at the dinner table is a no-no. My mom got really aggravated when I wanted more juice before I'd eaten enough food (duh, I was thirsty!) or if I didn't want whatever meat item they were having. My parents are no high authority on healthy eating. My mom has long struggled with weight issues and conditions stemming from them, and my dad developed type II diabetes when I was in high school. We live in the southeast, where mac-n-cheese is considered a vegetable in many households. (Just kidding--sort of.) So reinventing the wheel when it comes to food is probably a good thing for me. I need to get a new cookbook. "Hippie Whole Food Cooking for Dummies," or something like that. We are going grocery shopping later so maybe I will see what I can find online! Thanks for the great post, it was really encouraging.

Also, I love how you've redesigned and are putting so many family pics on here. It adds a lot of personality to your blog, and you have a beautiful family!

I have been going through this with my ten month o...

2010-03-13T14:40:29.242-08:00

I have been going through this with my ten month old son. He's also a BIG BOY (though not as big as Mikko!), and he also LOVES to breastfeed, but is so-so about most solids.

I wrote a blog post on my attempt to chill out and go with baby-led solids for him: http://inderlovesfolkart.blogspot.com/2010/02/some-more-thoughts-on-baby-feeding.html

Like some other posters, I am trying not to worry ... and succeeding some of the time, at least! At any rate, my idea that my son would eat more solids and then need less breastmilk at night? Pure fantasy, apparently!

Thank you for this post, it is incredibly validating for me.

beautiful! Those rolls look edible! filled with Gr...

2010-03-13T04:08:48.622-08:00

beautiful! Those rolls look edible! filled with Grade-A fresh breastcream!

Another great reason infants do well eating with the family on someone's lap now and then: They get a chance to see and sample solids when they're ready. It also helps make food be a cause for celebration and not misery if meal time is about nutrition and enjoyment and not threats and power struggles. Brava for such a beautiful post. :)

great post! My daughter is at the 98% percentile ...

2010-03-12T20:29:33.032-08:00

great post! My daughter is at the 98% percentile for height and weight, and it's very reassuring to see another healthy, happy, breastfed baby who is just as hilariously humongous. Thanks for sharing your photos and story. :)

Love the post, great job. Healthy foods and health...

2010-03-12T19:50:02.723-08:00

Love the post, great job. Healthy foods and healthy eating habits is a big passion of mine so I really appreciated it. It was v. comprehensive and fun with the pics included of Mikko. (I wish my skinny guy would have been a bit more roly-poly like him! I always joked that I must have diet breastmilk.)
Introducing solid foods too soon is one of my biggest pet peeves and I know soooo many people who do it. I speak up only sometimes... same reasons you had for not speaking up at first. But I love the Kellymom website, which I didn't know about, and will now refer people to without worry. Thanks!

Let me start by saying that both your spirit and y...

2010-03-12T15:01:17.951-08:00

Let me start by saying that both your spirit and your sense of humour about this topic are incredible. This whole post is intelligent, well thought out and factual, while being gentle and reassuring which is not something often found.
Food is such a point of contention for so many families who are just trying to put everyone into the same shaped mold.
You're absolutely right, of course.
I always think of something I had read by the Sears family doctors, along these same lines. It basically said what you've said here... Kids won't starve, let them do what they have to do, don't fight with them about it and make it into a giant issue when they're probably just not hungry.
But don't be a restaurant, either.
If little one doesn't want what's for dinner, fine... But don't offer up something they'd like more.. that is, unless you want to teach them to hold out for something better.
My daughter goes crazy for juice and milk, so I try to only give her water at mealtime to avoid her just being full of liquids, and that being the cause of her not eating. If she finishes her water and her dinner, then she gets watered down juice. And I try to give her almond milk instead of cow's milk a lot of the time.
Everythig has to be customized to fit your own personal needs, but this was just a great post from start to finish.
And both of you are just beautiful.

I have a 5-year-old, and I can say from first-hand...

2010-03-12T14:34:33.990-08:00

I have a 5-year-old, and I can say from first-hand experience that it is VERY hard to be zen when your toddler with a wide palate morphs into a picky preschooler. Very hard. I share your approach to solids, but I will admit I had a few mini-meltdowns when my child stopped eating foods she previously enjoyed and subsisted on crackers and yogurt.

I did trust my child, and we did make it out. At 5 she's becoming SLIGHTLY less picky, and I am actually a little bit too happy about that. Being able to present food without incurring a meltdown is nice.

I am glad I didn't force the issue. But I can also understand why some parents freak out, especially because medical professionals do, too. When my child started dropping on the weight curve (from 50th to 10th percentiles) we had to leave one extremely alarmist doctor who was advocating weaning and force-feeding. But there's really nothing you can do except offer a variety of foods and back the heck off, and know that healthy children will not allow themselves to starve.

First of all, congratulations for having so many w...

2010-03-12T13:13:31.743-08:00

First of all, congratulations for having so many wonderful pictures of Mikko eating food! I have maybe one or two per child. I am realizing that this is so not enough. But your visual presentation was very helpful in letting go of misperceptions about what babies can and can't eat. Way to go!
As far as mine have been concerned both lacked interest in solids until late. I worried about both of them. For as much as I know on the subject I haven't been able to get past some of the worrying I do. When it comes to food that's just the way I am, I guess. But you'd never know to look at either if them that they have ever lacked. Both are off the chart for height and in the 90th percentiles for weight. Amazing what breast milk can do!!

I have two kids ages 3 and 17 months. Neither chil...

2010-03-12T09:54:06.751-08:00

I have two kids ages 3 and 17 months. Neither child is breastfeeding anymore. On some days they eat so little I wonder how they survive and on other days they out eat me - especially my son the 3 year old.

I try not to force food because I was forced to eat everything on my plate as a child and wasn't allowed to leave the table until it was gone. I have grown up to have issues with food - most notably I never actually feel full so I can overeat very easily. I now have Type 2 diabetes and struggle to keep my weight down. I really don't want to pass that on to my kids.

I do have rules about food though. Dessert is not a daily occurrence and is served only a few times a week and to eat it a decent amount of dinner needs to have been consumed. I like the kids to at least try a bite of everything and if they've tried it and spit it out then that's fine for the night. We'll try it again another day.

Mikko is so cute! Also...someone with a baby that ...

2010-03-12T08:01:54.802-08:00

Mikko is so cute! Also...someone with a baby that started out bigger than mine. (D was 11 pounds, 9 ounces.) Of course, mine decided to gain slowly and was 30th percentile or so at his 1-year appointment, but he's healthy, happy, eating what he wants when he wants, and hitting milestones. So it's all good. (And may I just say how pleased I am that he has had a pediatrician from day one who said that as long as he was gaining, which he was, and hitting milestones and happy, then obviously THIS was normal for HIM and therefore fine? I mean, I knew that, but it's nice when the doctor agrees so you're not having to fight it or doubt yourself or whatever.)

Breastfeeding was a challenge for us at first. (Various and multiple screwups by two hospitals, resulting in nipple confusion.) Now it's going beautifully. And he loves his solids - in their time and place, and in whatever he considers reasonable amounts. I'm amused and gratified by what he enjoys. Curry lentil soup? One of his early favorites. We had to help with the delivery - we'd hold the spoon and he'd guide it to his mouth - but there was no doubt that he wanted more. NOW, if not sooner. Hehehe. So cute.

When we go out to eat, he prefers the salad bar place, because he likes...the cold peas and corn. And other veggies, but...cold peas and corn. *shudders* Well, he's happy, and I'll eat the more traditional salad stuff.

My oldest (18) and youngest (10) were boys and wer...

2010-03-12T08:01:02.852-08:00

My oldest (18) and youngest (10) were boys and were pretty rolly-polly at times. My daughter was stick thin as a baby and child. All three were breastfeed!

I still remember my oldest' great-grandmother insisting I was nursing him too much because he was so chubby and then 3 yrs later insisting my daughter wasn't nursing enough because she was so thin. Funny part of that was that she nursed so much MORE than he ever did :)

This is very comprehensive! Love it! My in-laws t...

2010-03-12T07:46:52.241-08:00

This is very comprehensive! Love it!

My in-laws think Jude is huge, clearly they have no idea! Look at Mikko go through the years! He's awesome.

We're doing baby-led weaning as well, for the reasons you mentioned. It's interesting, it seems like Jude is very interested in what *we* are eating and not at all interested in mashed up "baby food". I love that photo of when your parents tried to give him some banana, that totally happened to me last week. He's just not interested, he wants to feed himself and not be fed by me with a spoon. So we'll just follow along and do what he's interested in at the time.

Learn and explore!

My baby is 11 months and is eating mostly solids d...

2010-03-12T06:45:35.205-08:00

My baby is 11 months and is eating mostly solids during they when I'm at work. She doesn't eat a lot though. A bit of yogurt or fruit puree (we get a lot of baby food thru WIC and might as well offer it), 1/2 slice of bread with peanutbutter, and water or diluted prune juice (she's prone to constipation).

Our approach at meal times is to offer her bites off our plates and if she doesn't like it, then offer the baby food. Sometimes she eats a lot and sometimes it's only a bite or two before she wants to nurse. She loves my husbands spicy, Nigerian dishes.

I wanted to lead her to eat solids earlier than I might have if I didn't work because I wanted to quit pumping. We just reached that point a couple of weeks ago. Now she grazes during the day, and nurses a lot when I get home. She also nurses on demand at night.

For older children, I have heard it suggested that if the child doesn't want what was prepared for dinner, then tell them they can have (healthy) cereal. This is so the child isn't being forced to eat something, but keeps parents from becoming short-order cooks. What do you think about that approach?