Comments on Hobo Mama: AP Principle #8: Balance and how you can't do it a...

What great feedback to a great post! I so greatfu...

2009-11-09T06:54:05.560-08:00

What great feedback to a great post! I so greatful to have found this blog.

I have to say that I am reading Unconditional Parenting and only in chapter two I am amazed at the information and ready to absorb it all.

How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk is also a book I am reading. It is great so far too.

My hubby is reading Playful Parenting.

Lisa: I will have to check out the Tears and Tantrums book. That will be next on my list.

Thank you all so much for your help!

Hobomama: I came across another post on your page that I am going to read, it is about potty training without rewards. I was struggling yesterday to figure out how to potty train without the traditional "rewards" system. I will be reading this post all day.

Thanks everyone!

Man... what serendipity brought me here! Well, it...

2009-11-06T12:16:05.367-08:00

Man... what serendipity brought me here! Well, it was your comment on MY blog, of course, but I'm so glad you did! I love what you're doing here and I feel like your voice could be mine.

I've been struggling with balance all summer, self-identity, motherhood AS an identiy, even, and just still being true to myself. I'm on the cliff edge about to fall off, but am desperately looking for an alternative and I have found so many through wonderful writings (and comments) such as yours.

This is just so freaking awesome! I can't wait to dive deeper into your blog.

I really love this post. It's so easy to beat...

2009-11-05T07:08:13.445-08:00

I really love this post. It's so easy to beat ourselves up for not diong it all. I love what you said about not being along in seeking balance, that everyone else is doing it, too. It's nice to feel that solidarity!
I love reading your blog!!

Great series. This is the hardest part of AP....a...

2009-11-05T05:46:51.283-08:00

Great series. This is the hardest part of AP....and I think that you could spend an entire month - or year - on the topic of balance....because despite what is conveyed by any book, person, culture, mamas are still expected to put everyone else first. Ironically, I've realized that I must explore my interests even more since my little guy was born. How can I teach him to follow his passion if I don't do so myself?

Sarah: Hi. I think you might like to read &...

2009-11-04T21:13:55.403-08:00

Sarah: Hi. I think you might like to read 'Tears and Tantrums' by Aletha Solter. If it weren't for that book, I would be frustrated by tantrums, but because of what I read in that book, I feel I understand tantrums and I am totally fine with them. I just stay calm, either hold him or stay near him, and listen. I wrote a post about it here.

Hobo Mama: I love the waves analogy! I totally ride the waves. I just jumped on the knitting wave right now. I do attempt to have some balance in the things that actually NEED doing, but for the things I would LIKE to do, I just go with whatever fancies me at the moment. And by NEED, I mean buy groceries, eat food, get sleep, spend time with child and husband, do basic house cleaning. By LIKE, I mean have an orderly house, get connected with people, work on hobbies, etc. No need to feel pressure to do things that aren't necessary!

Swistle: Half-assed does indeed work so muc...

2009-11-04T15:25:33.050-08:00

Swistle: Half-assed does indeed work so much of the time!!

Sarah: Please feel free (anyone) to email: mail AT hobomama.com

See, I knew you must actually be an attachment parent at heart! Sometimes the label comes later, as many other parents attested to in my post on how we got to attachment parenting.

If your son is sleeping so well on his own, I always say: let sleeping babies lie. Ha ha!

I totally love your perspective on consoling your son through tantrums. At this age, I think emotional outbursts like that are so about frustration, wanting desperately to communicate, being tired, etc., and not about pushing our buttons as parents, even though of course they do as a matter of course! So it's a great message to send your son that you'll be there to help him cope with the emotions he's going through. Even though it is hard, especially if we were (and I was, too) raised a different way.

Kara: Agreed! There's so much to do either way, and hard to make both the parenting and the stuff happen smoothly at once, huh?

YES. And not having to do everything FULLY AND PE...

2009-11-04T14:10:53.454-08:00

YES. And not having to do everything FULLY AND PERFECTLY. I'll think, "There's no sense doing this unless I do it ALL THE WAY and TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY"---and yet, no. Half-assed works for a lot of things.

Hi Hobomama, Thanks for the great information. I...

2009-11-03T04:13:16.930-08:00

Hi Hobomama,

Thanks for the great information. I already ordered Unconditional Parenting and Playful Parenting from Amazon last week. I am anxiously awaiting them.

Yes, I came across your post on rainy day activities and checked out the rest of your blog.

My husband and I already try to be very calm and laid back with our son but during the toddler/tantrum stage it is becoming a challenge. We find ourselves getting frustrated quickly with him and we know this is not the proper way.

I was in a family where there was lots of love but also lots of yelling and I want to break that cycle.

Our son has always been a great sleeper, falling asleep on his own from 6 weeks of age so I don't think we will start having him sleep with us now as he is a GREAT sleeper. If he is sick or scared, of course he can come lay with us but that is something we don't want to change full time.

I tend to want to console my son through tantrums and fits to calm him then I can explain the situation better because he is not so upset but conventional ways say to put them in time out or let them cry till they calm down. I just don't want him to ever feel like we are not there for him and that we abandon him when he is upset and don't want to send the wrong message so I think these books and your suggestions will really help us through this new journey.

Do you have an email address to correspond or is all of your interaction through posts and replies?

Sarah :)

Oh, how I struggle with this. Somedays I don'...

2009-11-02T17:39:02.544-08:00

Oh, how I struggle with this. Somedays I don't know what is the most overwhelming, all the stuff or all the parenting. Maybe I shouldn't compartmentalize it. LOL Thanks for a great post full of great resources!

Just wanted to share that I went OVER THE CHARACTE...

2009-11-02T14:10:42.882-08:00

Just wanted to share that I went OVER THE CHARACTER LIMIT for comments and had to edit my incredibly long comment down several times till it fit. Apparently I should have made it a post instead...

Thank you all for your comments! I keep wondering ...

2009-11-02T14:09:40.354-08:00

Thank you all for your comments! I keep wondering how "normal" people live (parent, clean, sometimes work outside the home, look presentable), and I think I have to let go of the idea that there even are normal people!

Sarah: I hope you get lots of other good responses. Here's what comes to mind. I have a 2-year-old, too, so I hope some of this will be helpful!

First, I think that if you're resonating with the attachment parenting ideas, that you're probably already a pretty connected parent, even if you didn't follow all the steps when your son was a baby. Attachment parenting is all about being responsive toward and respectful of your child, and I would guess you're already inclined toward that.

But, for nitty-gritty, here are some resources:

If you're a doer, I would try concentrating on that connection (attachment) thing, finding ways to use gentle touch and playful interactions and have conversations. If he asks for something, try to make your first response, even if it requires a pause to collect yourself internally, YES, and see how that goes for you. (This is something I'm learning, too! Not trying to be preachy.)

If you like to talk things through, I'd recommend heading off to Mothering.com and asking the same question there. I bet you'd find lots of mamas in the same boat of changing their parenting style in the toddler years (or later). I also found signing up for Scott Noelle's Daily Groove (short emails) to be a really helpful reminder of how I ideally want to parent in a joyful, centered manner.

If you like books, here are some good ones for parenting toddlers on up: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (how to change our learned responses to respond empathetically to our children), Unconditional Parenting (about discipline), Natural Family Living (whole-life natural parenting manual), Hold On to Your Kids (or save time & read my excerpt :), or Playful Parenting (connect with children through their natural form of communication: play).

If you really want to jump in and replicate some Baby Bs, I find babywearing for walks & cosleeping still work well for our toddler. For babywearing, I'd recommend a structured carrier (like a hiking backpack or Ergo, Kozy, Beco, or similar) & back carry if your son's heavy. I'm giving away a fleece mei tai, which could work comfortably if your son's light. For cosleeping, you wouldn't need to go all out (unless you wanted to), but consider allowing your son to sleep in your room (on a mattress or sleeping bag) or in your bed if he wakes up scared during the night. I know kids haven't outgrown that need by 2, so if it's something you're interested in, you could try it if it comes up. I want to emphasize that these aren't requirements to do things "right," just suggestions that might help as you pursue a different style of parenting.

I'm thinking you might have come in through my post on rainy-day movement ideas for toddlers, but if not, there's a list of some activities for indoors!

OK, if I don't post responses to comments right away, I tend to let them linger and linger, so I'm going to post this and hope it's somewhat helpful. If anyone else has input, please chime in!

Hi All, I stumbled across this blog today trying ...

2009-11-02T11:12:10.563-08:00

Hi All,

I stumbled across this blog today trying to find indoor activities to do with my 2 year old boy since the cold weather is approaching.

While on the blog I came across the idea of Attatchment Parenting. I have never heard of this before and I like the concept.

My question is where do I begin with a 2 year old?

A lot of what I have read starts with breastfeeding and he is obviously past that point.

HELP!

Sincerely,
Sarah :)

This is something I am continually working on. Fig...

2009-11-02T09:39:15.522-08:00

This is something I am continually working on. Figuring out what I can let go, what I can't, and how to make it mostly work. I'm getting better at just going with the flow, but some days are more successful than others.

This is one reason that I find mothering to be such a growth experience. I have to let go of MYSELF and MY STUFF and just roll with it. It's stretching me, in a good way.

hi, thanks for stopping by my blog, commenting, an...

2009-11-02T08:19:38.181-08:00

hi, thanks for stopping by my blog, commenting, and the link up :) i am honored to be on your bloated google reader :P

Your list of tasks is frighteningly long. Serious...

2009-11-02T07:11:58.461-08:00

Your list of tasks is frighteningly long. Seriously, I would have no hope of doing half of what you wrote. Even blogging twice a week is a tall order for me. And thanks for linking to me.

I know I don't leave many comments (because of lack of time) but I have greatly enjoyed your week of posts. Now I hope you can take some well-earned time to write your book!

Oh, this is such a great perspective and something...

2009-11-02T05:58:19.376-08:00

Oh, this is such a great perspective and something I am sure MANY of us can relate to. I often think that parents that practice AP might have this even harder, because we are always "so there" for the kids and don't let them CIO or resort to convenience products compared to other parenting styles.

It's a relief to know we're not alone.

Steph