Comments on Hobo Mama: Assuming the best intentions

I love this post. It strikes me that even though y...

2010-11-29T08:42:48.177-08:00

I love this post. It strikes me that even though you may not always respond perfectly, let's face it we're all human (and case in point, if we make mistakes and errors in social situations involving our kids why would we expect perfection from them?) you are so mindful of the innocence of children's interaction with the world. I aspire to that level of mindfulness even if I still make mistakes in my responses.

Hi, Lauren! I am way late to this game, but I jus...

2010-10-22T10:30:21.766-07:00

Hi, Lauren! I am way late to this game, but I just found you, and I've been reading the best of posts and following them to whichever tangents strike my fancy today :-) I have eight month old twin boys, so I am reading and learning and filing away information to recall later. I appreciate the perspective of this post and hope many more mamas find it.

I just wanted to pass along a suggestion in case you haven't solved Mikko's potential sock-problem yet. Turn the socks inside out! I had (have) fussy feet and had to wear the seams on the outside for years.

Good luck, and thanks again for this post.

I read this post and it made me smile, but I didn&...

2010-05-04T07:53:02.851-07:00

I read this post and it made me smile, but I didn't have anything to add (except to stare in response to the idea of spanking an infant for anything, let alone playing with a remote control)....

...until this morning. My almost-16-month-old has been going through a hitting phase. I know it is not malicious - but it hurts, darnit. He's typically very excited/hyper/wound up and has too much energy when it happens, and it has to go somewhere, and attempts to redirect him to smacking soft things doesn't work because he wants his parents. (I think we're supposed to fix the overstimulation!)

I've been at my wits' end trying to find some way to help or redirect that doesn't hurt him (physically, emotionally, mentally) but also doesn't result in us getting hit.

This morning he started to get wound up, and raised his hand and froze looking at me expectantly. After a moment he said "Dai?" And I realized why I recognized the pose. His Dad found a solution - he taught him a high-five ("Dai!"). I'd bemoan that I didn't think of that, but I am just so busy being glad that my husband did. Because this morning my wound-up little boy gave me high-fives over and over, giggling with glee that I was pleased with him and playing with him. He got his release, and I didn't get slapped in the face or chest (in fact, he didn't even hit my hand except when I held it up flat and facing him: he clearly "gets" this game!).

This? This is how it should be. I just wish I were better at figuring things out, but this is how it should be.

Okay, I read this last night but didn't get to...

2010-04-28T19:03:40.255-07:00

Okay, I read this last night but didn't get to comment, so I forgot what I was going to say!

I really try not to micromanange Michael. I know he is exploring and learning, and I just feel that "no" is stressful to hear. Better to save it for when it's important.

*Paige* What the?? For what even?? I'm just...stunned.

I loved reading this post!! It's so easy to fo...

2010-04-28T12:24:14.569-07:00

I loved reading this post!! It's so easy to forget they are their own little people.

I reached a point where I wouldn't take my dau...

2010-04-27T15:03:26.962-07:00

I reached a point where I wouldn't take my daughter to a store when she was around 2.75 / 3. It's not super-fun. However, I promise you that it will change. In the meantime, avoid the malls and enjoy the savings. ;)

Your points are very well-made. I personally found that when I was willing to slow down and let my kid do her stuff things went better. When I was tense and worried and trying to avoid trouble, that's when it really happened. Sometimes, that meant that we couldn't run particular errands, or I had to wait for adult backup.

So good, Lauren! "There's a tendency to ...

2010-04-27T12:25:18.806-07:00

So good, Lauren!
"There's a tendency to see misbehavior in any behavior that inconveniences us as adults." Ain't that the truth?! We forget that they don't have a direct psychic link to whatever it is we are thinking/wanting.
They are their own people - learning, exploring, growing. What joy do parents get in squelching that all.the.time?!

Great post! I feel the same way about my expectati...

2010-04-27T09:51:46.210-07:00

Great post! I feel the same way about my expectations of Everett. I often ask myself if what I am expecting is an adult expectation, something he doesn't understand or know about yet. I ask myself what his motivation for his actions are, and often I come out with the same results. He always has a reason for his actions and they are typically pretty harmless. I would stress myself out a heck of a lot more if I didn't pay attention to what his motivations are and what I am expecting of him.

I am doing a couple brief postings on my blog in the next week or two about what we "need" from our children, evaluating those "needs" for why we may not be getting cooperation from them,and how we can achieve cooperation. could I link back to this post when I talk about why we may not be getting cooperation? I think you hit the nail on the head by calling attention to mis-ascribing their behaviors.

Thank you for your thoughful post! I am so glad I&...

2010-04-27T09:44:03.529-07:00

Thank you for your thoughful post! I am so glad I'm able to read about these ideas online, because I feel like I don't hear them in person. Rules are something I'm very familiar with but I don't want to be a rules-type parent. Remembering that my daughter is exploring and excited about life is a good filter to look through. I may have to check out the book you recommend. Thank you again!

great post! i'm trying to file all this away ...

2010-04-27T07:12:26.883-07:00

great post! i'm trying to file all this away for later, for now i'm still working on the crawling stage.

i love the idea of thinking about their actions from their perspective. kids aren't doing things specifically to drive you crazy most of the time. you're incredibly patient!

Such a great post, thank you so much! It just brea...

2010-04-27T06:52:45.134-07:00

Such a great post, thank you so much! It just breaks my mama heart when I see children treated like the enemy, like someone whose every move is calculated to irritate and manipulate. THEY'RE CHILDREN. Let's assign some positive intent, people!!!! Your examples are wonderful, too--and I LOVE the toilet paper picture! Paige is right, so many parents would quickly put the kibosh on that because, well, you just don't play with toilet paper. But why the heck not!?

WOW Mikko! That's an impressive tower of toile...

2010-04-27T05:56:05.021-07:00

WOW Mikko! That's an impressive tower of toilet paper. I know so many parents that would never let their kids play with things that are off limits (and so many things are off limits!). I think this house is Aellyn's too and, unless there is danger, I don't follow her around telling her "no".

I have a friend that wanted me to spank my TEN MONTH OLD because she was grabbing the remote control. Now who does that inconvenience? She can't hurt herself. And what would I teach her by hitting her? That she has to be cautious in her own home. ugh.

Wonderful post Lauren! So glad you participated in the carnival and thanks for all your help with the code.

What a wonderful mama you are. Your words were soo...

2010-04-27T05:45:38.022-07:00

What a wonderful mama you are. Your words were soothing, like salve to this frazzled mother's mind. I love how you are so compassionate, loving, centred and focused on being the best you can.

And your final paragraph, was simply wonderful!

Now my DD is 9 we can almost laugh together at the stuff she does that winds me up. She knows she is doing it, I know she is doing it and she kind of looks at me in a way that suggests she's just checking things out - then we smile at each other and the situation is diffused.

Except if it's past bedtime, then I'm mama growly bear ;)