If you are currently planning a birth, I recommend either not reading this for the negative thoughts contained within, or reading it all the way through so you get to the resolution. It could be triggering for birth fears, so take care of your own emotional state.
The first birthing stone Sam chose for me from the beach
As I said, yesterday I went over our birth plan and experiences with Mikko's homebirth-turned-hospital transfer in preparation for preparing our homebirth preferences for this time around.
There were a couple elements of our birth last time that made us consider, in hindsight, that perhaps transferring to the hospital had been the safest option — that the outcome would, in fact, have been worse if we had remained at home.
Our conversation yesterday with our current midwife turned that idea on its head.
It was both cathartic for Sam and me to relive the experiences with Mikko, and frustrating beyond imagining. To know now that likely our successful birth was sabotaged is a heavy load to bear. The good news is that we have new plans in place for this birth.
My biggest plan? Stay home.
When in doubt, stay home.
And, after that — stay home.